To be annoyed with the school (again!)

[extremepie]

Ds1&2 (ds2 has ASD) attend after school club 2 days a week while I attend college. My third day at college is a half day so technically I don't need to use after school club but I asked the school if they would be happy to take the dc's on the third day as well to give me more time to use the library/facilities at the college & get my work done. They agreed, and even managed to find another person who would do the third day as ds2's usual 1:1 couldn't (or didn't want to) do the third day.

Went to pick them up last week and they have now told me they have had a 'management meeting' and they are refusing to take them on the third day. They have also refused to take them on one additional day next week which I requested as a one off (and will pay for as extra ) as I am booked in to do a one day course which will enable me to drive a bike and dramatically reduce my travelling time between college & home.

They didn't actually give a reason why, just that it was a 'management decision'.

They have also said that they will not take the dc's for any more days after school until they have a payment for the after school club - I have applied for and been awarded assistance with childcare from the college. When I did so I had to fill out a form stating the days/hours I needed care paid for so, since the school initially agreed, I filled the form out for 3 days. So essentially when the month comes through they will be being paid for 3 days but have said they will only take them for 2. The payments are paid from the college directly to the school so I have nothing to do with the money now!

Aibu to think:

The school should stick to it's agreed times re 3 days not 2, especially since they will receive additional payment off doing so!

They are being pretty unfair refusing to do the additional day considering that the whole point of me doing this course is so I can get back from college and pick dc's up earlier, thus cutting down the amount of time they spend in after school club?

They are being really U to demand payment from me when they know I have been awarded payments from the college & that said payments get paid every 4 weeks in arrears?

Getting so fed up with them, feels like they are being deliberately difficult - I suspect a large part of it is they don't want to deal with ds2 as he is more work (have had major issues with this in the past with them!)

Sorry so long :/

Chop - I did ask but they didn't elaborate, the TA in question was not part of the decision so she didn't know, she was just the messenger :)

Dayshift, I think so too!

Probably should have made it clearer, the bike in question is a motorbike/moped :D

This is Mumsnet.

On a general thread about benefits YABU, how dare you, poverty rates, hungry children. Food banks, blah blah blah. Nazi germany. Bad Tories, bad UKIP, good labour without ed milliband. Poor children.

Then we have a real person struggling to get by and wanting the school to make a slight adjustment and if they can't communicate that to her.

And:

You should home school
Pay for it yourself
You are Entitled

See what's happening here?

Extremepie, YANBU, however I personally would be inclined to shrug off the extra day. The money however - that clearly isn't your fault and I think you need to speak to the college about it.

Good luck.

YANBU to be annoyed at them. It may be about the money as some people have said, but that doesn't make them reasonable to withdraw their offer when it was made knowing the full circumstances, especially without an explanation of why they can't do as they promised.

I am surprised at all the justifications you've put in your OP about what you're doing and why and how it's all in keeping with the long term goals they have for your children (e.g. not keeping them in after school club for too long). And I wonder about the relationship you have with the school. Because I don't think you should have to be concerned about all that. If you want to use the after school club you should be able to ask to use it in the same way as everybody else. Do all the other parents have to talk to the staff about what they are doing in the time their children are in after school club and see if the school approves?

The "management decision" would make me wonder about their real reasons and how legal they are. As people say, it may be the money, but they knew about that and even if it has now become an issue they should have told you they need it in advance and given you a chance to at least pay up for the next few sessions. And in any case, why would they continue to take your children for two sessions if they can't cope with payment in arrears? It doesn't seem like If there are places available, are they allowed to not take your DCs? Aren't after school clubs run by the school obliged to take children with sn on the same basis as other children? I suggest you try posting on the sn board here to see if people with experience of negotiating with schools around children with sn have better advice than you received here so far, or find a local support group for parents. You might see if your students' union can offer support.

Good luck.

It is possible that the TA may have misunderstood? It does seem high handed to make a decision that will have a big impact on a parent and then just convey it through a 'messenger'-after all, you may have misunderstood what was being said.

The spoken word can be so unreliable.

It would be reasonable I think to ask for a letter, just so you can be sure that you have been given the correct information and so that you can be equally sure that you have understood correctly.

I would try to be pleasant about it though, no matter how difficult their manner might be. After all, you catch more flies with honey!

I have said to them that if they don't feel they can cope with him for the third day then I would pick up at normal time as a compromise, since I'm only at college a half day on that day.

I do, however, really need them to do the one off day as otherwise I will lose the money I've spent & won't be able to do my course :(

I'm going to try & talk to the head tomorrow & see where I get!

Cool it's actually my respect towards those who successfully homeschool that made me cross about your suggestion. Because honestly it wasn't in a considered manner that it was brought up. Not happy? Homeschool then.

I personally could never homeschool because I think it requires an abundance of patience and skills that I don't have. It's something that should only be entered into after a great deal of thought and planning. I know that there are a lot of parents of DC with sen that do it because it is the only way that their needs can be met. I don't think OP should be forced into HE just because her school can't be arsed with adequate provision.

extreme your DS' school are really failing in multiple ways. I'd start documenting everything, contact asd charities for advice and confirming everything in writing. Take a friend with you if you can so they don't try and railroad you.

I don't really think they have an excuse. You have secured funding and given them the information regarding this, which they agreed to.

Subsequently they have let you done, without explanation, apart from a 'management decision'. They also have required you to regularly pick your child up early for sessions, when you have paid for a full session. Again without good explanation, it would seem.

I think this needs to be rectified. It does sound to me like they are discriminating against your child.

I would find out what you could do regarding this. IPSEA or your local Parent Partnership may be able to help.

When I was the manager of an after school club we never asked the parents for extra or double money for SEN children, even the severely disabled children who needed constant care, toileting, feeding etc. The local council funded them, regardless of parents income. It was included in their occupational therapy or respite budget. Some children got a certain amount of free care funded for the same reasons.
You are entitled to stay until 6 if the session is being paid for.
If they are getting money for your sons 1:1 its up to them to make sure there is a member of staff there until 6, which is what they're being paid for, regardless of how 'difficult' your son is.
They're obviously an inclusive school, so the after school club should be inclusive too. If they have problems dealing with a child, that's up to them to change/ train staff etc. Not for you to piss off early so they can have a break from work they're being paid to do...

^'let you down' not 'done'. Typo.

The homeschooling suggestion wasn't serious. It was a catty and rather unpleasant suggestion designed to make the OP think that if she isn't ecstatically happy with everything happening in her sons' school that she should do it herself.

It doesn't sound like they're discriminating due to the little boy's additional needs, it sounds like they have an issue with the payment methods. Am I the only one who reads it like this?!

It doesn't sound like they're discriminating due to the little boy's additional needs, it sounds like they have an issue with the payment methods

Then why don't they say so?

IMHO, I think the person who made that homeschooling remark makes a habit of not reading the OP properly.

If they agreed to funding and knew it would be arrears (as is the case with everyone I know that gets funding) they should not be going back on it.

Please tell me it's £4/hr per child? Otherwise it's a very expensive ASC. And if that's the case why don't you pay £12. Normal price for your DS1 and double for Ds2. Although I'm surprised the funding for your Ds2 isn't coming from elsewhere if he needs it due to SN.
Here we have shortbreaks that provides 1:1 careers for out of education activities as long as the carer pays for the activity.

As for asking you to get there ASAP. Surely if you pay til 6, funded til 6pm, then you are entitled to have your children there until then?

I'd be tempted to ask them outright what their actual problem is.

As Day has pointed out and the childcare provider have upthread too, most childcare providers will accept payment in arrears under a 'scheme' because they know they will be paid. For those who are saying After School Clubs are not childcare, oh yes they are, that is exactly what they are.

The school are definitely being difficult in this case and (like so many) are guilty of disability discrimination. and possibly some discrimination against you OP too (of the LP but not the illegal kind).

I wish you all the best OP, you are clearly trying to improve your situation for your family, with little or no emotional support and things like this are just like a kick in the teeth.

One thing I've noticed recently, is the encouragement to take any SN AIBUs to the SN Boards where you get more sympathy and yes that is very true. But a big part of me (with all respect to wise old Polter) is no dammit, stay right here. It's good for all to see disability discrimination in action - and the positions that drive it - often from such seemingly naice, educated people too.

Good luck extreme.

I know, I wasn't disagreeing with you. Just something I wanted to say. It is telling though isn't?

...telling though isn't IT? dammit

Polter but not allowing full access is for both children. I'm not saying I agree btw.

Extremepie yanbu at all! Good on you for not just accepting a life on benefits and actively pushing forwards to achieve a better life for your family. It does sound like the school are discriminating due to your ds' sn. Would a childminder be an option?

Coolas - when I read your first post I thought you had just posted on the wrong thread by accident, it was so bizarre and out of context not to mention unhelpful. Now I can see you were just trying to be nasty

That does not necessarily mean there is no discrimination going on, Crash. Rather it seems that both children are excluded because excluding one would show more obvious discrimination. This seems somehow worse, an acknowledgment that this is unfair, signalled by an attempt to make the discrimination against a child's SN less obvious.

If they agreed to three days a week and to payment in arrears, they are in breach of contract. I agree that it looks a lot like disability discrimination.

We can only guess their motives though. I try not to automatically assume the worst.