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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with the school (again!)

202 replies

extremepie · 09/11/2014 10:50

Ds1&2 (ds2 has ASD) attend after school club 2 days a week while I attend college. My third day at college is a half day so technically I don't need to use after school club but I asked the school if they would be happy to take the dc's on the third day as well to give me more time to use the library/facilities at the college & get my work done. They agreed, and even managed to find another person who would do the third day as ds2's usual 1:1 couldn't (or didn't want to) do the third day.

Went to pick them up last week and they have now told me they have had a 'management meeting' and they are refusing to take them on the third day. They have also refused to take them on one additional day next week which I requested as a one off (and will pay for as extra ) as I am booked in to do a one day course which will enable me to drive a bike and dramatically reduce my travelling time between college & home.

They didn't actually give a reason why, just that it was a 'management decision'.

They have also said that they will not take the dc's for any more days after school until they have a payment for the after school club - I have applied for and been awarded assistance with childcare from the college. When I did so I had to fill out a form stating the days/hours I needed care paid for so, since the school initially agreed, I filled the form out for 3 days. So essentially when the month comes through they will be being paid for 3 days but have said they will only take them for 2. The payments are paid from the college directly to the school so I have nothing to do with the money now!

Aibu to think:

The school should stick to it's agreed times re 3 days not 2, especially since they will receive additional payment off doing so!

They are being pretty unfair refusing to do the additional day considering that the whole point of me doing this course is so I can get back from college and pick dc's up earlier, thus cutting down the amount of time they spend in after school club?

They are being really U to demand payment from me when they know I have been awarded payments from the college & that said payments get paid every 4 weeks in arrears?

Getting so fed up with them, feels like they are being deliberately difficult - I suspect a large part of it is they don't want to deal with ds2 as he is more work (have had major issues with this in the past with them!)

Sorry so long :/

OP posts:
Itsfab · 09/11/2014 11:24

Ask them out right if it is really an issue about money or that they are finding it hard to care for your DS2. You have a right to be treated fairly if you are treating the school staff fairly.

DaisyFlowerChain · 09/11/2014 11:25

The school are being very reasonable. If you don't pay your bill at our after school club children are not allowed to attend until it's paid. A very fair system as they can't run a business or pay staff if parents just pay as and when they feel like.

It's double the rate as your child needs 1:1 care, something unique and means that that they need more staff. They seem to have bent over backwards to help and now see that they aren't actually being paid yet have another salary to cover.

It may not even be the school, many are run by outside companies who are a business not a charity.

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:29

No, it is run by the school, all the same staff and the club is held in the library of the school.

The payment is coming - they know that. I find it difficult to understand how they can be complaining the haven't been paid yet when they knew how it worked and agreed to it before hand.

Bloodyteenagers - I pay about £48 per day, as they attend breakfast club & then I have to pay for the whole after school session even though they don't stay for the whole session.

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:31

Coolas, what a ridiculous suggestion! How would I attend college if I home schooled? Not to mention the fact that I have no idea how to teach a child with SN and ds1 wouldn't be able to learn anything in that environment Hmm

OP posts:
GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 09/11/2014 11:36

Have they had any confirmation that the college have agreed to pay, or are they only going on what you have told them?

Coolas · 09/11/2014 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:39

I don't know if they college have sent them any confirmation themselves but I have shown them my acceptance letter to show that they have agreed to fund it at the rate of £16ph x however many hrs per week it was (including the 3rd day)

OP posts:
Coolas · 09/11/2014 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyFlowerChain · 09/11/2014 11:42

Have they actually been paid at all by the college? If it's a month in arrears then surely they have been paid for September and October so you would only have to pay Novembers yourself. Or have they not been paid anything at all by the college?

They can't give special treatment to one and not another as unfair to other parents.

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 09/11/2014 11:44

I think once the school starts getting the money they are owed and it's coming in regularly their attitude may change. At the moment they're probably hearing the modern day equivalent of "the cheque's in the post". They need to see the promises materialise.

Littleturkish · 09/11/2014 11:46

The school are not obliged to provide childcare out of school hours- no more than a childminder or play scheme is.

It sounds as if they can't cope with your son in that environment- could you use a childminder with SEN exp instead?

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:50

LittleTurkish - nope, there aren't any around here. Trust me, I have tried!

Daisy, I only stopped paying myself when the paperwork came through 2/3 weeks ago, up until then I was paying it myself. They haven't had anything from the college yet because it has been less than 4 weeks since they agreed to pay.

OP posts:
dorasee · 09/11/2014 11:50

You're coming across as overly entitled. You asked So yes... YABU.

ilovesooty · 09/11/2014 11:56

I think to get the provision you would have to pay yourself until the college money materialises then claim a refund later.

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:57

How am I being entitled for expecting them to stick to something they have agreed to? When they knew all the circumstances in advance? I think that's quite reasonable!

What do I do about the additional day, which I really need them to do? That day is separate, in that I will be paying separately for it so they won't lose anything. Is it unreasonable for them to refuse to do that day, knowing why I need it and that in doing it I am actually complying with their request?

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 11:58

What if I can't claim a refund? Also - I can't afford to pay it, as I have said.

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 09/11/2014 12:04

But have they been paid anything by the college so far? If not, then that's not what was agreed anyway.

ilovesooty · 09/11/2014 12:05

I think they're refusing the third day because they'd have to fund another staff member and they aren't receiving payment yet for the other two days. From their point of view you're asking them to fund your studies in the meantime and I'm not surprised they're refusing.

Moreisnnogedag · 09/11/2014 12:07

Hang on, what?!

Have I got this right? They are charging you for the full afternoon session but refusing to keep your DS2 for all that time? Do they do this to other parents? So essentially they are not just charging you double for your DS 1:1 but for extra hours they don't want him to be there. Apologies if I've got that wrong.

I must admit I don't quite get why you are getting such a hard time here. Yes the school want paying in advance but they'd agreed to arrears and it seems churlish to renege on that now.

Oh and just homeschool them then? Oh aye that's an awesome plan. Don't bother trying to better yourself and improve your family's prospects, just lay down and take it.

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 09/11/2014 12:10

From an outsiders point of view you are the one who has gone back on the agreement. They agreed to provide a service for payment. You've stopped payment so they're withdrawing the service.

Sounds reasonable to me.

I can also see why they've withdrawn the extra day. If someone hadn't paid you for something, wouldn't want to put yourself out for them iyswim.

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 12:12

Daisy, no not yet but only because they haven't waited 4 weeks from the day I got the paperwork. Give it another week and they will most likely have been paid by the college.

They have ample people who could act as 1:1 for ds2, they just don't want to a lot of the time, it's more convenient to just send him home :(

Like when they sent him home 'sick' when he wasn't sick, or when they asked him to stay at home because they had an event on that day & it would be easier if he wasn't there. Or even when they kept him on a reduced timetable for over a year because they wanted his 1:1 available for other children in the afternoons :(

OP posts:
quirkychick · 09/11/2014 12:16

I think you might get more sympathy if you moved the thread to Special Needs. It is extremely tricky to get childcare for children with SN in order foe parents to work/study.

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 09/11/2014 12:17

Are all those "ample people" trained in SEN? Are they really available for 1:1 for an after school club?

I can't comment on any of the other instances, but in this situation I think you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
extremepie · 09/11/2014 12:18

Moreis, yes that is exactly right.

They make me pay double (fair enough) for a session which last until 6 yet they won't keep him longer than 5. I have to leave college early (and I get there late) every day to fit my travel in with the school's times they have set.

Hence why I want to get a bike to make life easier for all of us & they won't do that one off day which will allow me to do that.

Not to mention the fact that I am studying so I can go back to work & avoid sitting on benefits, a full time carer has very limited wage and job prospects :(

OP posts:
Humansatnav · 09/11/2014 12:20

I mist have wondered into a parallel universe here. Op YANBU, the school may have good reason bit they are not communicating effectively with you at all.
As for the passive aggressive and outright nasty comments on this thread I can only surmise that a lot of hungover narks are posting today !

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