to be angry at DH - selfish twunt

[andsmile]

Background DH has had a cold for nearly two weeks - it got on everyones nerves, the loud comical sneezing, the moaning, and now the coughing. Its been like living with Father Jack - spoilt our bonfire party night a little as he was miserable - over worst of cold by this point.

Poor DS this am was up at 630 - he was sick in toilet. DH was already dressed for gym - said he was going to try and do a little as he's not been so much. DS (8) sitting with the sick bowl - obviously not going to school today.

I started to get DD ready - bathed and dressed by 730. Just about to take her when DS (who I was going to bung in the car with sick bowl) really barfed up everywhere more than previously. I saw to him, keeping curious DD (2.8 and bossy) back.

At this point I snapped and thought I cant believe he (DH) has walked out and left me to deal with this. I was also annoyed at myself for not saying anything (but I really shouldn't have to?)

I rung my DM to ask what she though about leaving DS (8) on his own while I nipped DD round to nursery - no answer. I could not ask anyone to watch DS - neighbours or family (non nearby) or take DD. ONLY DH could have helped. I trust DS to stay put sensibly but I didnt want to leave him on his own when ill and afterall he is still very young (not left him ever anywhere before). I also feared someone reporting me. I knew a neighbour had reported someone about a child car seat...Anyway I thought about it and decided it was wrong. So we had no choice but all to go with towels and the sick bowl.

So I've told DH I he was the only one who could have helped and he was selfish to put his 'wanting' to go to the gym above this family situation. I am a SAHP - I do fucking everything (he just turns up to the 'family' - yes he works hard blah earns good money) he go's to the gym every morning before work. I get to go other times and I study - but I don't go when I am needed.

Sometimes you just need a bit of help, a bit of help after looking after everyone elses sicknesses and half term entertainment - a bit of fucking help and

DH could either have helped by taking DD at 730 to nursery or waiting in with DS while I did it. The nursery is less than a mile away takes 10 mins all in.

AIBU to angry with him for just leaving me to it, it was only a small bit of help I needed.

Would IBU to get as much as I can out of him this weekend as there are loads of jobs doing that I need help with. He is a reluctant house maintainer/DIY - don't get me started about the fucking lightbulbs.

There I've said it all. (feel much better now)
TIA

People are being deliberately something that's for sure because nobody is that much of a dimmer switch

But he was this morning Nicky thats the fucking point

I resent the noise and lack of sleep his being ill has caused.

apparently you are not allowed to get pissed off with your DH/DP I should be kneeling knee deep in com with a pink frilly apron whilst a set of stepp ladder stick out of my arse to replace the 27 lightbulbs

vom

I'm not being obtuse, I'm probably just thick!

My mistake, so the husband was day off but went to the gym early and cam home after op did the school run?

I apologise if I missed that, was it in the op?

You sound quite resentful generally and

Are you under a lot of pressure with your studies as well ?
Maybe have a firm chat with him about how you feel- there were times I could have murdered my DH when he skipped off to work while I cleaned up sick and washed 500 sheets ,pillow cases and towels !

Don't take this wrong way but I think sometimes you have to put yourself first - don't overdo the activities if it makes you resentful, if you are busy then say NO to others ,make time for a nice hot bath, book and tonight . Put yourself first and demand time for yourself.

Sometimes other people do take you for granted and the more you do the more they expect it.
Simmering resentment is a relationship killer imho- ring your DH and ask him to get something nice for dinner ,he is cooking !

andsmile I don't appreciate being sworn at so I will leave you to it to continue to live like a martyr.

Nope. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that in this instance you appear to be rather unreasonable.

The whole situation could have been avoided if you'd said, "Ah, ds is ill, dd can have a day off nursery," but you doggedly insisted she went, having to take poor ds in the car. Dd isn't about to sit her GCSEs or take a SATS exam! So yes, perhaps your dh could have hung around a bit, but if I were him I'd have questioned why you were carting dd off to nursery.

And griping about jobs. Do them yourself or pay someone. Not everyone loves DIY - and this may come as news to you - not even men. Your dad may love diy, lots of men may be fantastic diy-ers, but the minute a man says "I do" he does not automatically see visions of hearts and Black&Decker Workmates.

And as for your dh's cold - well, you just sound a bit hard.

Should you fuck and no one has said that.

He didn't walk out leaving chaos. He left you bathing one child while the other was downstairs unwell but cared for. He didn't know the child was about to explode with vomit any more than you. He would be gone by the time you went out whether to work or the gym. In this one case of this morning I cannot see what he did wrong. If you had phoned and said, ds has now been violently sick can you come back and he said no, THEN he would have been a selfish twunt.

But you didn't.

I wouldn't have delayed going to work/gym just because a child was ill if dh was in control of the situation - it's me who leaves our house in the morning and him putting children out so I can confidently say that.

But if he called and said I was needed at home I would move heaven and earth to get back.

Have a goat biscuit nick

alpa not really but thanks for asking...it was just one of those moments....like ive said after two weeks....No have not managed to do any studying for this time I havent got a deadling looming or anythign so not pressure but I enjoy it - it is where I use my adult brain the parts that dont require me to re-issue instructions or potty train or find bunny.

I have spoke to DH and got it off my chest and he has apologised. Slow cooker is already nearly done so we are all sorted thanks. He usually cooks Saturday night - does both breakfasts.

Thanks for your kind constructive words alpa

A goat biscuit? Is that a new term for troll?

Grow up, op. Honestly.

I mean this sincerely and- getting into a scrap on tinternet isn't going to improve your day.

If your DH goes to the gym for an hour then its only fair you have an hour of peace and quiet or a run/swim/bath in peace when he gets home.

It really made a huge difference to how I felt and stopped the feelings of resentment

brenda DD went to nursery to be kept out of the way so i could look after DS and he has some peacea and quiet. DD is 2 she cant go and play upstairs safely. I always have DS on sofa when he is sick like and sit with him - he gaggs badly and in the past has been so bad with being sick through his nose. He can panick a bit. Ive also seen him be sick just as he is dropping off so I do tend to watch him. He has always gagged like this and can if he is not careful eating. Funny as he never had reflux as a baby and always ate well.

Lastly brenda I pay a lot of money for DD's nursery she only stated recentyl and is benefiting in lots of ways (2.8) so I do like her to go. Less chance of her catching something.

Probably do about the cold but like ive said I am fed up and tired beause he has kept me awake - you can here him coughing when he has slept downstairs.

I don't think it matters that he might have been at work if he hadn't been going to the gym.
The point (imo) is that he was off to the gym and prioritised that over helping his DW when DS was sick.

Virtual glass raised to andsmile's dh. He'll need some Dutch courage to deal with his gym membership card simmering away in the slow cooker.

im doing a bootcamp thing tomorrow then we do stuff together.

thought you;d flounced off thread nick

Oh, and the student thing was not a drip feed, having been mentioned in the op.

very funny brenda after all that...made me laugh

thats it thereal

the toilet is blocked now could this day be literally any shittier

It's only human to get mad at a dh every so often. The only couples I've known who've said, "We never argue" are divorced.

Perhaps you could put the toilet plunger in the slow cooker?

Yes I know this isnt a deal breaker or his normal MO - maybe I should have put that in title.

Guess what the plunger is - my arm wrapped in an asda bag normally - so no I'll not put htat in the SC.

Anyways DS has not barfed, weve collected DD from nursery and all is well with a Disney movie and a dash of Minecraft.

I blame Cath Kidson and Roseanne Barr