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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not force potty training

38 replies

Gwladgwlad · 07/11/2014 07:52

My dd is 2 yrs 8 mths and not remotely interested in potty training. She refuses to even sit on the potty tbh! My son was 3 when he was potty trained & we did it in a weekend. AIBU to wait a bit- I keep getting loads of 'isnt she out of nappies yet' comments & its making me stressed!

OP posts:

mausmaus · 07/11/2014 07:54

don't stress.
they are ready when they are ready, even though some dc will never show 'signs' and will need a gentle push.

hellohelloididntseeyouthere · 07/11/2014 07:54

Tell people to mind their own fucking business. Do it when she is ready.

PacificDogwood · 07/11/2014 07:56

YANBU

Potty training when they are ready is a doodle and a pleasure, exciting for child and parent involved and not the stress that some people seem to go through.

Tell others to mind their beeswax.

skylark2 · 07/11/2014 07:56

You can't force potty training - if they're not ready they're not ready. I agree that if you catch it right, it takes a week absolute tops.

That said, I think you're going at it backwards. Who's going to be interested in sitting on an uncomfortable piece of plastic? I'd try taking the nappies off and seeing if she's interested in not needing to wear them and be changed all the time.

Rebecca2014 · 07/11/2014 07:57

Same here! daughter is 2.6 and hates the potty!! she kicks it away from her. It is sad because I know she is ready but I read that when they refuse to sit on the potty, leave it for a couple of weeks and try again.

MrsPiggie · 07/11/2014 08:03

I subscribe to telling people to mind their own business. Unfortunately when these comments come from your nearest and dearest it's more difficult to tell them to fuck off, but try anyway. A few years down the line, no one, including you will care at what age your DCs were out of nappies.

bigbluestars · 07/11/2014 08:07

I didn't potty train my kids. On the advice of an old Egyptian friend I left them to do it themselves- we discussed it and they knew it would happen but I let them dictatethe pace. They followed an identical pattern- just one day they decided no more nappies. All over in a day toilet from then on. My kids were totally dry day and night from that moment on.

micah · 07/11/2014 08:18

Yep, I left my dc until one day they said "I need the toilet", and that was it.

I watch parents following their dc round with potties, only for the kid to pee on the floor anyway, and just want to weep. Why do they put themselves through it?

famalam · 07/11/2014 09:32

Oh Im pleased you started this thread Gwlad, I feel the need to share our current situation as I cant decide what to do!

Dd is 3.3 and will only wee on a potty if I just have knickers or leggings on her for her to pull down, but refuses to poo in it and just stands there and does it in her pants. Nightmare. She gets very angry and forceful if I try to sit her on the potty in time. Sometimes she just sits and wees on the floor and forgets, I just get the feeling shes not interested in being out of nappies/pull ups (she treats them as nappies, doesnt pull them down).

My Dm tells me I should be insistent and persevere. Deep down I truly believe she is not quite mentally ready.

I was happy to leave her til she wanted to do it herself, she refused angrily several times while she was 2. Its just that hoisting her up on the table in a baby changing room is starting to feel a little embarrassing for me to be honest. Shes a little bigger for her age and looks about 4. Selfish of me I know.

So should I just leave her, or carry on putting pull ups on and leaving the potty/toilet seat out...?

PacificDogwood · 07/11/2014 09:46

Excellent advice from ERIC re potty training

I am sure I would have been in more of a rush to get my DCs reliably dry if I had had to wash terry nappies by hand…. Having said that, my father grew up almost 80 years ago in v rural Rumania and getting toddlers dry involved having them run around naked from the waist down all day in their 3rd summer - they soon got the hand of it!
I am not sure that that method would be practical or socially acceptable here and now, just saying there is really no need to stress about it.

Some children take longer to be fully continent, but the vast majority do get there by the time they go to school. Having said that, about 2-3 children in each primary 1 class is likely to have occasional accidents, so later continence is really nothing to worry about.

The more stressful it becomes for you and, crucially, them the more of an issue using the potty or the toilet becomes. Pick your battles. Back off and try again in a few weeks.
Personally, I think pull-ups are really confusing: are they pants, then they should not be weed into, then why not wear proper pants? Or are they nappies, then why on earth should they NOT be weed in?

Lots of children get quite scared of seeing their poo in the toilet and then disappear. There's the excellent 'Poo goes to Pooland" for that situation

PacificDogwood · 07/11/2014 09:47

PacificDogwood · 07/11/2014 09:49

Here's the PDF

RiverTam · 07/11/2014 09:53

agree, don't force it. We had 3 attempts with DD from the age of 2.5 and 3, each lasted a week and the last one she got it and that was that. Other people's DC are irrelevant.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/11/2014 09:57

I dont understand the race to get dc potty trained, YES we want them to be out sooner rather than later but if your child just isnt getting it yet and is not ready why push.

I dont understand why anyone makes a huge fuss of it. when they are ready they should get it in a few days with minimal accidents.
cant bear the drama queens screeching round excalimng they have so many pooed trousers thrown away pants.

stop bloody doing it then! the child is not ready.

Idontseeanysontarans · 07/11/2014 10:01

I made the mistake with DD2 of assuming she'd be like her older sister and just drop nappies at 2 years old (day after her birthday). She's also 2.8 and at the moment is still happy to be in nappies so I'm leaving it for a while until she's ready. She's wearing Peppa pig knickers over her nappy at the moment to get used to wearing 'Knick Knicks' and will sometimes sit on the toilet but we've backed off completely.
Sod everybody else x

famalam · 07/11/2014 10:03

Pacific that is excellent!! Haha I love it, I know dd will aswell, Im going to show her it once shes back from nursery
Yeah Im confused about pull-ups aswell really, of course shes going to wee in them, they are just nappies...
Ive obviously really caved into social pressure about this. Its the fear that she'll will still want to wear them when starting school I think. And the fear that people might think Im lazy...? Will give myself a shake I think.

FickleByNurture · 07/11/2014 12:24

My dear friend has started potty training her DC with a militant enthusiasm that terrifies me. Her DC is 4 months old.

Don't worry about timescales. Everyone is different :D

CrispyFB · 07/11/2014 12:34

DS was just trained last week at 3.5 years. For the last six months every month or so we've tried him in pants on a weekend day. Every single time he'd have several accidents, so we'd just wait.

This half term he finally made the connection between feeling the urge to go and finding the toilet. It took under a day. A week later and he's had fewer accidents in those seven days than he did in one single day last month.

DD1 did it literally overnight at 3 years old as well.

DD2 on the other hand - nursery was putting the pressure on by her third birthday and we spent 4-5 months constantly cleaning up accidents.

I'm a firm believer in not making them do anything until the developmental milestone of understanding the urge sensation and what to do with it is there. Some children will do it crazy young, some will do it nearly by the time they start school and the rest fall somewhere in the middle. You can't make a child walk or talk before they're ready so I never understood why people try and force this one - it just makes for a lot of mess and unhappy children and parents.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2014 12:38

My ds is the same age and same as your dd, not remotely interested, screams and cries when put on the potty. I tried twice within the past 7 months, he was not getting it and was very upset, so back in nappies it was. Like walking and talking and other milestones, being potty ready is developmental, some will be 18 months, others nearly 4. Just tell them yes he's in nappies, change the conversation.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2014 12:40

4 months Fuckle, is she crazy! Poor baby can't even sit up yet and is being forced onto a potty. Good luck with that one, it might last a week before she gives up,

Hoppinggreen · 07/11/2014 12:41

If it's a battle then they aren't ready.
Also, age of being out of nappies is no indicator of future Intelliegence ( or lack of)

famalam · 07/11/2014 12:42

On the way home from nursery I asked dd if she'doesn't had a wee in the nursery potty today and she said "no, I didn't want to". I asked would she prefer nappies and she said she would. Got her home and her pull up was full of wee, so I've put a nappy back on her. Oh well.
Not looking forward to telling Dm I've done this! Or anybody really, even Dh. And i darent tell the nursery
What a wuss.

famalam · 07/11/2014 12:43

....If she'd had a wee in the potty, that should say

MummyPig24 · 07/11/2014 12:44

Yanbu, kids all potty train eventually. It's much easier if they are ready.

PacificDogwood · 07/11/2014 12:46

Everybody under pressure to potty train show them this thread?
Or look up the ERIC website - lots of information with, you know, evidence behind it; not 'but my neighbour's niece's little boy was totally dry at 10 months'

Wrt to 'potty training' at 4 months: there's another trend called 'elimination communication' - go and google it. V interesting and I can see what they are saying but very, very muchly NOT for me
I suppose children the world over have grown up for as long as humankind exists and have somehow achieved continence, even before nappies and waterproof pants and washing machines.

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