to be in tears about the mess I am in at work.

[Vintagecrap]

It's just a horrible situation and I have never worked anywhere like it before, I don't know where to go from here.

I fell out with a team member A in august. I was told by team member B that A had been slagging me off for days regarding some work a manager had asked me to complete. A had also been published in a magazine as saying the work I had to do was his idea originally, which it wasn't.

I was under a lot of pressure to get the job done, it's part of a second role I do and a committee I am part of. The committee was also angry that A had taken credit, we chatted about it via group emails buy decided it was best to just drop it.

So it was dropped. A refuses to speak to me. B kept telling me things that he was saying about me. I spoke to my manager and was told I was doing the right thing and to just ignore it.

Fast forward an awkward few months and I get told by B that A and a group of his friends were saying things about my child, which were so bad, they could have ended up getting me in trouble with social services. I get very cross and shout at everyone. I am then made to apologise for doing so. They said they didn't say it and I am told I have to accept it. B is insistent that they did.

My manager finally sits down with me and A yesterday. He had been telling me he wanted A out of them team and things were being put in place to make that happen. Except I get into the meeting to find he is more on A's side.

I also find put that B has been saying things to A that I have said that are not true, and vice versa. That C has also been involved.

Then I find out that someone from within the small committee, has been forwarding on a lot of committee only emails , where A's friend has been mentioned as she isn't doing her role correctly and it is hampering what we do. It turns out everyone had known this for a while and last weekend the whole business was aware I had been party of a moan and discussion about it, but of course it has been twisted to be thar I had been slagging people off and that those people were going to have a go at me and the whole team I work with have been gossiping about it.

I told the committee who are furious about it. One member has now quit. The one who did it denied it then said it wasn't a big deal. The other members want to kick him out.

And I am sat in the middle of the whole sorry lot.

I feel so betrayed by so many people. I called my manager to say I think I need to move teams as I don't think I can work with these people.

I can't stop crying about the whole thing and don't really know what to do.

Oh love it sounds intolerable - not helped by your manager adding to it IMHO. Learn from it - be really careful what you say/write and move on as soon as possible.

But don't you see that you could just have said, "Oh well, who knows what happened to Smith's poor rabbit?" Rather than, "A is a gossip so it's unlikely to be true?"

And that in your committee emails, you say you basically wrote "A stole credit...., C is rubbish and this is what we should do about it (go to his new manager), but I don't want to do it because C is A's friend and neither of them like me." That whole thing makes you sound so unprofessional and gives others so much ammunition against you.

If you genuinely can't see what's wrong with what you said, how are you ever going to be able to avoid this kind of crap again?

Starling. The whole committee was writing things like that. It was brought up by another member and had already been discussed in a fair few emails before I replied.

I agree it was the same as when A got credit and tried to come up with a solution going forward to iron out the kinks.

Management who have seen the emails don't deem them as inappropriate. So I am not sure why you are so insistent they are?.They guy that leaked them is being disiplined. It should never have happened. Not one manager has said I was wrong in anything I did there. .

Also, hopefully, you'll think twice before taking at face value what someone else tells you about others -- B or otherwise. Also, sometimes people just want to vent and then forget about it. I had a colleague once tell me things another said about me. I listened and reflected on whether I had been unreasonable to this colleague and concluded that yes, I may have been at times. I left it at that and continued to try and be a good work colleague myself. I no longer work with either colleague but am still friends with both.

You should never use private emails for work related matters and who ever 'leaked' emails has breached data protection. Your work place sounds shambolic.

If you don't want to start a grievance then just keep your head down and get on with your work. Start looking for a new job and move on this isn't a healthy place to work.

I know.
It was a new ish committee, less than a year old. Most of the work for it is done out of work hours.

Most of us could go weeks without seeing each other and not everyone has constant access to email at work. So people decided to communicate via a more reliable means.
Management knew this was happening.
Obviously it will have to stop and they will have to address the above issues. But i don't have to worry about it now.

I wouldn't trust a word your management said about this and I'm surprised you do! The thing is, according to one of your earlier posts, you brought A's name into the discussion... In such conversations in future, you need to learn to be as non committal as possible, despite whatever everyone else is saying. You can only control your conduct and the way you are perceived. If the rest of the committee jumped off a cliff, would you?

Awfully it has got worse. It seems that there are reems of fb messages about me, laying into me. Not sure who is involved, just know it is being investigated.

If I were you I'd start to document events, and screenshotting the committee e mails.

Disengage immediately from B.

This sounds very much like its heading towards HR. Get your arse covered.

As TSSDNCOP says you need to start documenting this and you need to refer it above your manager. He has mismanaged this entire affair and if the shit hits the fan then he'll be looking for someone to pin it on. You have to do everything you can to ensure that isn't you.

Who told you about the facebook messages?

You know, regardless of the personal emails issue, I would email your manager from your personal email address (if that is the only private email you have) and copy in his manager and/or HR. If your company recognises an Union, join it now and request an accompanied meeting with HR and your Union rep.

If the FB messages have been prompted by A, then I'd also be tempted to have a formal meeting with the man with the rabbit, and consider putting in a joint grievance against A.

This is not going to get better unless you act. (I'd also be looking for another job tbh as this all seems incredibly stressful and unprofessional).

The person that leaked the emails told me, said sorry that he had no idea or that there were lots of Facebook messages going on and he can see that what he did has really made it all worse.

Someone else came to me and said my manager was asking what she knew about the Facebook messages.

That's all I know
I don't want to know any more as I will just get upset. My manager isn't in today so I can't even speak to him.

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin, it was Disraeli who said "Never complain, never explain" quite a while before Kate Moss!

I think you should delete this thread before it gets added to the pile of floating slagging internet conversations.

mynewpassion makes a good point actually. The rabbit incident is probably enough to identify both you and your workplace.

You could create a new thread and link from this one before you delete it iyswim.

If this is upsetting you then you should consider getting signed off sick with stress. You can then take it out of your manager's hands by submitting your sick note to HR with a letter outlining that the stress has been caused by the culture of bullying and asking them to outline their proposed actions and timescale to resolve all the issues in your team.

Ha ha was it imperial ? I do like it though. I'll feel a bit more statesmanlike next time I say it.

Yy to getting this thread deleted though OP - or at least the dead rabbit posts which would completely out you.

I think you should delete this thread before it gets added to the pile of floating slagging internet conversations.

Crikey - hadn't thought of that. OP I hope none of your colleagues are MNers.