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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to even be considering this (private school related)?

276 replies

pickledsiblings · 05/11/2014 23:24

40 minute drive to a Park & Ride

20 minute bus journey

10 minute walk

Would I be insane to consider doing this with my 7 year old as a daily commute/school run (and the reverse journey home again)?

School is a-maz-ing and just 'round the corner from potential new job.

OP posts:
TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 13:24

yoni I think sector is only irrelevant if you can see value I'm both.

If you feel that private education is worthless or immoral then you're never going to be able to weigh up the two sides.

It's like a vegan giving their opinion on whether a trip to the butchers is worth it Grin.

steppemum · 06/11/2014 13:25

my ds is 11, he does

15 minute cycle
30 minute train (with group of friends)
15 minute walk. (with same friends)

We thought long and hard before doing it, and it is fine, but he is very tired. There is no way he would have coped at 7.
He is also on a train line which is quiet local, going against commuter flow

HappyYoni · 06/11/2014 13:28

Well a sensible vegan would surely ask what benefit there is in going to the butchers further away Grin after all they aren't being asked to eat the meat!

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 13:28

amouse, thanks for that. Have you been doing this for a long time? Are your DC in senior school? I asked about core hours and was told 9-5 (4 on Fri) but with a bit of flexibility. I mentioned the school and was thinking in retrospect that I perhaps shouldn't have.

Do you like working there? You post has made me ridiculously excited.

My last post crossed with yours, as you can see, I would prefer to drive in but was thinking that the train would be better for interacting with DC3.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 06/11/2014 13:29

to even be considering this

No.

Just... No.

Hakluyt · 06/11/2014 13:31

I think the sector is irrelevant. The commute is unworkable long term. Listen to the people on here who have done similar as children. They universally hated it. I am always struck by the different perspectives offered by parents wanting to do a long commute and people who have actually done it. And I live rurally, so we have always had to do a bit of a commute to school. If I had my time over, I wouldn't even do that, even though we love where we live.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 06/11/2014 13:33

So, you only want to take the full time job to enable your DC3 to go to this school you covet? You don't want to work full time unless DC3 goes to this school, you'd rather just keep working part time...

You are a Governor at your DC3's school, but think it's not up to scratch.

Your DH is supportive of you and DC3 doing this commute and you working full time if you have DC3 with you, but not for you to do it if DC3 stays at his current school.

Did DC1&2 go to the school where DC3 is at now?

TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 13:33

Did your DD hate her commute hak Sad.

Why didn't you move her to a closer school?

Hakluyt · 06/11/2014 13:38

We would have had to move us rather than the school- the tricky bit is the journey between us and town! And the problem is that it always seems perfectly reasonable when they're little. It's when they want independence and to stay late for rehearsals (I know I go on about rehearsals - but my children are luvvies) and to go to parties and so on. We managed it- but it involved me always being available as a taxi service and adding considerably to the hole in the ozone layer.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 06/11/2014 13:39

Essentially, you want DS3 to go to that school, so you are willing to take the job to fund it.

I don't think any school is worth that sort of commute for a 7yo. No.

Keep DS3 where he is until he's 11 (or another closer private school).

Rethink your own career wants/needs as a totally separate issue with a mind to being able to fund a place at a Private school when he is 11.

MollyBdenum · 06/11/2014 13:40

Quite a few children at the (secondary) school I went to had long commutes, but the key thing that made it ok was having friends who did the same journey. There's a big difference between a ten minute walk to the station in a group, fifteen minutes hanging around waiting for the train together, half an hour of doing homework on the train with the older pupils helping the younger ones and then everyone going their separate ways by bus/foot/bike car from the station, and an hour with your mum every day.

Hakluyt · 06/11/2014 13:41

And our commute is/was a doddle compared to what the OP is contemplating!

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 13:42

Hak, as an 11 year old, I had a walk plus 2 bus commute myself - I did it unfazed for 7 years. My DC1 has been doing a car plus 1hr bus commute for 2 years unfazed. My DC do love hanging around the house all day in the holidays, perhaps that a reaction to their commutes.

OP posts:
MollyBdenum · 06/11/2014 13:43

Could you get the job, save your money from that job for the next three years and use that to move to somewhere with an easier journey from eleven?

Hakluyt · 06/11/2014 13:48

Pickledsiblings- I think there have been enough people on here (well, a couple) who think you're perfectly reasonable to do this for you to go ahead, ignoring all the warnings. Because that's what you really want isn't it? Validation.

Go for it. Good luck.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 13:48

MollyB, that's another reason why I was hoping the train would work, so that DC could potentially meet other kids.

Chippinin, your suggestion is what is sitting at the forefront of my mind as the sensible option.

I follow the dream Junior School on twitter and most days without fail I wish that DC3 could be there taking part in all the wonderful things they are doing. His current is school is great but it is very Suffolk [Was anyone listening to Radio 4 just now?].

OP posts:
Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 13:50

Hak, you seem bitter (for want of a better word) - have I done anything to offend you?

OP posts:
farewelltoarms · 06/11/2014 13:51

I agree with Hakluyt - you're not just listening to those of us who've done it as children. Our voices are valuable if you want to find out the truth, but I don't think you've acknowledged anyone who's actually said they did it (and mine was in Cambridge when the traffic wasn't even as bad as it is now). I'm sorry but it really sounds as if the thoughts of a child (your child) are irrelevant to this dreamy life you're envisaging with a great job and your child at a prestigious school where you have special one-to-one time on the park and ride.

I found myself contemplating a school for my ds that was a long way away and justifying it and telling myself that he'll have a laugh on the train, that there will be lots of friends doing etc etc. But in reality, he'd never have been able to do an after-school activity and his friends would have been miles away.

So even me, who knows the reality, was trying to delude myself. And frankly that's what you're doing. Your child won't thank you for the amazing school. They'll be too tired to even notice the wonderful things on offer.

lljkk · 06/11/2014 13:52

"I find the Head of this school to be inspirational in every way."

What happens if the Head leaves?

You obviously have a lot of energy for many things, OP. Just make sure your DC do, too.

TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 13:55

molly I think that's a good point. Children seem to mind less when they're with their mates!

DD doesn't mind her commute to school as the girls sing and chat all the way (who'd be a bus driver ?) GrinGrin.

But she is secondary and as hak rightly pointed out, it does mean that when you need to get over there, the journey can be a pain.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 14:01

It is difficult to think of everything in situations like this one (see example that folllows). I can identify with your difficult commute Hak. As I have mentioned, twice a week DC1 needs to be picked up from school (in a large town 20 miles or so away). For the first 2 years the 45 minute journey each way would take 1hr each way in traffic and exasperate us all. Just this year I have had a brainwave and she now stays in late stay and does homework meaning we miss the traffic and get home at the same time!

Mumsnet is great for this kind of thing imo. Whilst I'm no closer to making a decision, I feel much better informed and in control.

OP posts:
Lilymaid · 06/11/2014 14:04

Ah, 'tis the re-launched girl's prep ...
Thought it was one of the others over further west.

Missrabbitshouldjoinaunion · 06/11/2014 14:07

Sounds like an absolute nightmare to me, but you and your DC might be made of tougher stuff! Good luck whatever you decide.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 14:12

farewell, I'm listening to everyone. I may be deluded to think that it could work.

DC3 is made of pretty tough stuff.

OP posts:
jazzandh · 06/11/2014 14:13

Regarding the commute only and thinking from your childs point of view, I would think that ease would override length of time.

I leave just after 7am to drop my 4 and 10 year olds at school. This is because it makes the journey quicker and less stressful (it helps that they are naturally up ridiculously early). We get to school early but sit and relax/ read etc...

So if you can start earlier, drop straight off, and pick up directly etc then the length of time is not so bad.

I think time spent in the car can be very interactive.

I think the broken up nature of the proposed commute would be more draining than a longer drive/ earlier start....