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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

742 replies

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 17:55

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

OP posts:
Sicksquid · 05/11/2014 20:56

Frau, you've already made an ass of yourself.

northernlurker · 05/11/2014 20:56

I've seen struggling mums a few times. I try to help with a sympathetic smile, sometimes I've talked to them, distracted the kid or encouraged them to do something right -sort of 'aren't those lovely shoes you're trying on, can you show them to us all by walking up and down?' (Tantrumming child with flustered parents in outlet Clarks store (aka hell on earth).) Once I talked to a woman in Sainsburys car park. Dh thought I was mad but I'd watched her loading three kids in the car, one playing a recorder whilst having a fraught conversation on her phone and when she'd got them in she was on the verge of tears. She was hugely pg as well. So I got out of our car and asked if she was ok and we had a nice chat about difficult days and how her dh had just rung to say he'd asked friends over for a meal that night and then rung to tell her just AFTER she came out of the supermarket. I counselled her to get him to order a takeaway and then she could go to bed early whilst he entertained. I hope I made her day a bit better. I'm pretty damn sure I didn't make it worse and that's all we can ask of ourselves and other people.

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 20:57

Well I'm off to watch The Apprentice now.

Please feel free to make up more excuses for uncaring vomit mother. Maybe she'd chipped her nail polish and was sad about it so went off to Primark, avec ill child to make herself feel better...Hmm

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 05/11/2014 20:57

"hmm, my son is ill and vomitting everywhere. I'll go into primark and revamp my wardrobe." Hmm Even a shit mother would have avoided that to save the embarrassment and hassle. She quite obviously had a reason to be in primark and her son became more ill. She was likely on the phone trying to get a quick lift home.

Primark do some quite large judgy pants though OP. Hopefully you picked up a pair to wear while you're sat congratulating yourself on what a model citizen you've been.

A decent person wouldn't have told the woman off then left. They'd have offered some kind of help.

OttiliaVonBCup · 05/11/2014 20:58

Poor child.
All I can say.

fourwoodenchairs · 05/11/2014 20:59

As you don't know the full story Big, I doubt it.

OttiliaVonBCup · 05/11/2014 21:00

She was likely on the phone trying to get a quick lift home.

How on Earth do you know that?

OR maybe she was telling a mate about a bargain? Just as likely.

Triliteral · 05/11/2014 21:02

As a former emetophobe, with an emetophobic DS, I would have been pretty pissed off.

I often get worried when I see school-age children in shops during school hours and wonder (invariably silently) whether they might be infectious. I know there are many reasons children might be off school that wouldn't preclude them from going to shops, but I also know from things other people have told me, that some people view vomiting children in the same light they view children with colds and they take them out in public places regardless.

Personally I wouldn't have said a thing because I would have been hotfooting it in the opposite direction, but I can understand your frustration OP.

And to those who are wonderful enough to offer help to other mothers in distress with vomiting children, well to you I take my hat off. You are better people than I am.

HaroldLloyd · 05/11/2014 21:03

What a load of hysterical nonsense. A product of broken britian? Waaaaaaahahahaha.

Next time you are really "concerned" about a child you would be far better off just offering a hand. Because being a dick to people doesn't generally bring out the best in a person.

Bad move.

motherofmonster · 05/11/2014 21:03

Think you abu op, you said. A simple snap shot.
you are assuming that the child was sent home from school ill, could have easily have been a injection shot appointment. Dentist ect.
it could have been that they had been to the dentist. Then McDonald's where a kid drunk a milkshake to quick even though the mother was repeatedly telling him to slow down or else they would be sick.
Then they went to the shops , child starts to say they feel unwell...mother exasperated says well its your own fault i told you not to be greedy ect, in going as quick as i can ...child throws up, mum is stressed out and embarrassed. Phones her partner to see if he can come and get them.
see this doesn't sound so bad...or it could all be complete pie in the sky bollocks...the point is i don't know and neither did you before you waded in

Jolleigh · 05/11/2014 21:04

Because Ottilia when I see a mother with an ill child taking part in a phone call, I naturally assume it's something to do with the child. Not about some bargain shoes.

Think horses not zebras and all that.

Ir1na · 05/11/2014 21:05

northernlurker I've tried to do things like that a few times before, and everyone without fail thought I was a complete weirdo so I butt out of anything not serious enough for 999 now! Also, would you really go right over to someone who looks like they have a contagious illness? Hmm

IonaMumsnet · 05/11/2014 21:07

Evening folks. Just a reminder of our Talk Guidelines as this is getting a bit bunfighty:
www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette

OttiliaVonBCup · 05/11/2014 21:07

In Primark of all places during school time?

I think horses as well.

HaroldLloyd · 05/11/2014 21:08

Bugs can come on so fast. I've been ok leaving work and bedridden on the way back.

I know DS has been really awfully behaved and I have been at the end of my tether with him and then suddenly he is being sick and it all makes sense.

northernlurker · 05/11/2014 21:09

Ir1na - I work in admin in a hospital. People are vomiting right, left and centre frankly. Yes I would go up to a mother in that situation and I would hope somebody would come to me (just not the OP!).

MollyHooper · 05/11/2014 21:12

I'm just surprised at how much details you noticed. I must be very focused on what I'm doing when shopping because most of what you wrote wouldn't register with me at all.

As others have said you've just made a load of assumptions. If she did tell the little boy off you can bet it was out of shock/stress/embarrassment, I wouldn't judge her on that.

Telling her off the way you did was totally unhelpful and unkind, there was just no need for it.

Jolleigh · 05/11/2014 21:13

Yes Ottilia if that's where her son started vomitting, or if there really was a desperate need for some clothing...entirely possible when you have a vomit situation away from home.

formerbabe · 05/11/2014 21:16

Even the worst mother in the world would struggle to enjoy a shopping trip with a baby and a vomiting child.

Ir1na · 05/11/2014 21:17

northernlurker OK fair enough, you've probably already caught everything!Wink That still wouldn't stop them thinking you're a weirdo or shouting at you though.

MrsDeVere · 05/11/2014 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OttiliaVonBCup · 05/11/2014 21:19

Child was away from school, so it's more likely she was called to the school to pick him up from school because of the vomiting.
Schools tell you the reason, you can take clean clothing with you.
Primary can be nightmare for the fit and healthy, it's not place for a sick child.

Poor thing.

Tryharder · 05/11/2014 21:20

You have a snapshot of what happened. You were merely a passerby. You have no idea how long the child had been ill for, whether or not he'd been 'dragged' round town or indeed who the mother was on the phone to.

I am certain however, you would have said nothing to a woman in a similar situation had you been in Joules or The White Company.

FrancesNiadova · 05/11/2014 21:20

BigRedBall YANeverBU for putting a child first. It might not always be convenient to the adult, but the child comes 1st, 2nd & 3rd IMHO. Well done. Cake

Jolleigh · 05/11/2014 21:22

How precisely was the OP putting the child first by irritating the mother then walking off? Hmm.