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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

742 replies

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 17:55

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

OP posts:
CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 06/11/2014 19:38

Formula What the hell, I never said anything about swearing? Back off! I also apologised to the OP. Who the heck are you?!

motherofmonster · 06/11/2014 19:41

Anyone want to bet to when this thread is going to be deleted?

OttiliaVonBCup · 06/11/2014 19:43

I think OP did the best she thought in a bad situation. And I did come here and said it.
I would not have challenged the mother because I'm a coward in situations like this. But she did, and I think she's a bigger person than I am.

Some might disagree. And many did, in uncertain terms.

There was no need to shred her to pieces.
I think it might have hit a nerve in some.

FrauHelga · 06/11/2014 19:45

I do NOT understand why this thread is still standing. Honest to god, it's vile.

BigRedBall · 06/11/2014 19:53

This reply has been deleted

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ThisBitchIsResting · 06/11/2014 19:55

Agree it's vile.

Why are so many posters telling lovely heartrending tales of times when they had to take an ill child out? Unless they ignored them when they were upset , then shouted at them when they vomited, it's not the same Confused

I just don't know how you can read the OP and not feel the same anger and frustration that the OP must have.

I was in a Zara fitting room recently and there was a maybe 3yo in a buggy crying and crying. The mum was with a friend trying things on and they were chatting and taking their time , it was making me feel so sick listening to this child cry, it was horrendous, I had to leave the shop before trying everything on I wanted to. It's really stuck with me - and nothing like as bad as the OP's description of neglectful parenting.

Minikievs · 06/11/2014 19:56

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Ir1na · 06/11/2014 19:57

Everyone STOP bullying other posters please! Angry

fourwoodenchairs · 06/11/2014 19:58

Amen, Mini

FrauHelga · 06/11/2014 19:58
MiddletonPink · 06/11/2014 20:00

If you're going to open your big mouth in a situation like this the least you can is make it count.

The OP didn't.

She didn't offer this woman any help. She didn't try and help the little boy.

She did nothing.

So why is opening her mouth the right thing to do in this instance?

What good did it do?

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 06/11/2014 20:01

PINK SICK GATE!!!!!!!!!!

Jolleigh · 06/11/2014 20:01

Saying that we believe the OP was BU to act as she did doesn't mean that a person is condoning the mother's actions or that a poster would have stood idly by if they saw the same situation. I personally don't believe that the way the OP went about it had any chance of improving the situation for the boy but do believe she could have made it worse. I'd personally have offered help in the first instance in any way I could. If the mother then genuinely turned out not to give a crap that her child was ill (as the OP suspects), I'd have probably had a word. I just don't believe it was the right move to do so in the first instance.

Ir1na · 06/11/2014 20:04

^Ir1na just reading your reply. It's okay. I live in NI and I think we're a bit more friendly/open with strangers than other places. Often chat to strangers about random stuff, so a poorly child in public would get at least a few nice comments.

I was in the shop the other day, putting the last packet of brownies in my basket, when a lady said to me "they look lovely, I'm coming to your house for tea". To which ds shouted "no they're my buns!" I told him not to be cheeky and she patted his head and said "awk god love him" then "I may head on" -translation: I have to go- and we waved goodbye/said cherio.

Now I think about it, I can see how in a different area with a different type of people she might have seemed bonkers saying that lol. Maybe we're all just a bit bonkers over here.^

Thanks. I don't think you're bonkers though, it would be nice if people were more like that here. I do get a reasonable number of young men kindly offering me lifts home from the corner shop while staring at my tits though, does that count? Hmm

Ir1na · 06/11/2014 20:05

Ir1na just reading your reply. It's okay. I live in NI and I think we're a bit more friendly/open with strangers than other places. Often chat to strangers about random stuff, so a poorly child in public would get at least a few nice comments.
I was in the shop the other day, putting the last packet of brownies in my basket, when a lady said to me "they look lovely, I'm coming to your house for tea". To which ds shouted "no they're my buns!" I told him not to be cheeky and she patted his head and said "awk god love him" then "I may head on" -translation: I have to go- and we waved goodbye/said cherio.

Now I think about it, I can see how in a different area with a different type of people she might have seemed bonkers saying that lol. Maybe we're all just a bit bonkers over here.

Thanks. I don't think you're bonkers though, it would be nice if people were more like that here. I do get a reasonable number of young men kindly offering me lifts home from the corner shop while staring at my tits though, does that count? Hmm

FrauHelga · 06/11/2014 20:07

Look. I'm not a perfect parent. I had a vommer. I had a nose bleeder. I was a single parent with no money and a crap life, and then I had to go to Primark. Life can be stressful - you see one snapshot and this woman is judged to fuckinhell and back on no worthwhile evidence whatever. I had a shit day and DD vommed all over the car aged2 and I said FFS DD and hoiked her out of the car.

My husband was shagging someone else. I was trying to keep my marriage together. My son was ill. I had NO support. My life sucked.

And yes, sometimes, I was sharper than a naice perfect middle class parent might be with their naice house and naice car and naice clothes and naice husband and naice people to help out.

Does that mean I'm a shit parent? No. It means that one day, for 5 minutes, my life fell to an arse when DD wouldn't get in the buggy and it was the straw that broke the camels back when DS was ill, not-so-veryDH was swanning it in Dubai.

And honest to fuck, walking up to her and ordering her home to hug that child? No one knows it was her child, no one knows who she was on the phone to, no one knows why she was in Primark, it's unlikely to have done any good at all. Other than make the OP feel superior.

motherofmonster · 06/11/2014 20:08

On a side note .. I wonder if you would be more likely to be told to fuck off in Primark than in Boden ?

FrauHelga · 06/11/2014 20:12

And anyone posting on this thread who is a parent and says they have never ever made a bad choice as a parent, is a bloody liar.

fourwoodenchairs · 06/11/2014 20:13

Ah Frau Thanks

OttiliaVonBCup · 06/11/2014 20:14

Boden has a tiny shop with tons of SAs and they are watching you all the time. So someone would have been there the moment child started vomiting.

Which might miss the pint of your post, Mother

HaroldLloyd · 06/11/2014 20:15

I've actually never been into a Boden.

ThisBitchIsResting · 06/11/2014 20:16

Fgs.

If I yelled at my child in that situation I would fully deserve cats bum faces from all around me , if not someone losing it and telling me I was being shit .

Not saying I never would , but I'm saying it is a shit thing to do and recognising that makes me less likely to do so , if I am having the day from hell I hope to god I never behave like that to my children .

Anything else is crap parenting , it just is. Doesn't mean she is always a bad parent - but at that moment , she was utterly shit. That poor boy!

OttiliaVonBCup · 06/11/2014 20:16

Point even.

FrauHelga · 06/11/2014 20:17

Sorry - I wasn't a single parent when DS was sick. I might have well have been though for all the fucking good he was. but that's not the point.

the point is there was a series of crap 5 minutes in my life, none of which are representative of my life with my children as a whole.

Judge away, I await BigRedBalls arrival and judgement on me as a parent. Maybe if I just had gone home and hugged DS he wouldn't have been lying so ill in fucking hospital the day I lost the plot with DD, huh?

HaroldLloyd · 06/11/2014 20:17

I think we could all do with a pint.