To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

[BigRedBall]

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

Parklife.

Why why why all the faeces squid?

Take that shit, I'll SEND you some andrex. Hell even the stuff with aloe on.

Why are you assuming the assumed mother would react like that? You've obviously had a very troubled life if you think the whole world if full of bad people.

At last. Thank you.

^^that was meant for 'Arold

No no no. It was vomit. Not shit. Let's be clear on that. I may even raise an eyebrow for a turd but vomit? No way. Piss doesn't even exist to me. Not on the radar.

Piss in lifts = standard

I am assuming the assumed mother would assume I am an unassuming busybody she can berate as gleefully as her assumed son.

Oh I love the aloe loo roll.

Desperately trying to change the subject.

Of course the world is full of bad people. That's why they invented Primark.

I can't read all 20 pages but today I traipsed two of my children through town in howling winds and pouring rain to get a Lego minifigure to give my eldest (5) as a reward for battling the elements to get to school only to be jeered at - REALLY jeered at - as I changed him out of waterproofs and wellies.

I wish I could drive him. I can't. I am prohibited from driving due to a medical condition. If you saw me and a shivering child in Primark, it would most likely be a stop off on the way to/from the doctors to get the baby out of the cold while waiting for a bus.

That sounds pathetic and it is but I sometimes think people have no clue what life can be like if you've no car.

It must be exhausting having such a low opinion of people.

For what it's worth I asked the two teenagers very politely to leave the restricted area and they did. No abuse from either side.

Hi,

You should be proud of yourself. I would have done the same and more people should intervene where children are concerned.

Intervene Annie? Or just berate a total stranger whose child had just been sick?

Intervening would have been to ask if there was any help she needed.

Aloe toilet paper is very nice, much better than a scratchy guardian.

I don't understand that argument at all Manatee. How is not judging moral exhibitionism? How did the op inconvenience herself by having a go? Offering to help might have been more of an inconvenience.

Not judging isn't necessarily moral exhibitionism. But it becomes moral exhibitionism when the refraining from judgement happens noisily and publicly, in conjunction with berating those moral ingrates who dare to judge another person without knowing that person's inside leg, family tree, medical history, annual salary and key formative experiences. It becomes moral exhibitionism when the consequences of all that performance compassion fall on others, rather than on the person getting on their high horse about judging others. In this case, the consequences of being non-judgemental would be that a shopful of people averted their gaze from a feverish, shivery, tearful child being bollocked by his mother for vomiting in the shop while she was trying to buy nylon knickers.

So in this case yes, I call this head-tilty online performance of compassion moral exhibitionism. I think there are cases when it's wrong and cruel to be non-judgemental and the MN obsession with 'judginess' as something Bad and Evil is mistaken at best.

parklife

I don't think the OP was BU. Thinking about how I'd have reacted, I'd have found it very difficult not to have said anything. To be honest though, I probably wouldn't have said anything but felt guilty about it afterwards.

I would find it very hard to feel any compassion for the woman concerned as in my view, an ill child's welfare comes above a mother deciding to do her primark shopping. Whatever her excuse.

My curiousity was too much - this thread was hidden but I had to take another look.

On the suggestion that the OP saying something would have made things worse for the child - that's possible but IMO not necessarily the case. Sure the mother might once home, rant at the child along the lines of "to top it all you showed me up in public ....etc".....but the fact is that most of us do not enjoy being publicly censured and disapproved of. In a nutshell, if that child is sent home sick at some other point in the future his mum might just reflect about dragging him around the shops, given that the last time she tried this she was humiliated in Primark.

I think people confuse judging and being judgemental.

We all judge: look at a situation, evaluate it, consider what response is needed, respond based on our judgement.
This is not the same as being judgemental, which is assuming a harsh, critical stance, usually with some superiority.

To be honest, in OP's situation, judging and taking action in the shop is NBU, as I guess there was much more information in the moment to suggest that this was warranted than can be conveyed online. Posting about it online in the manner of the post is judgemental, unpleasant and U.

OP I think you were being very unreasonable and in our local Primarks (Bromley, Croydon and SW London) you'd have got a f off.

about 3 weeks ago I was struck by a vomiting bug in work, 9am up til 3pm i was fine, then started aching and by 5pm vomiting in work toilet and then had to struggle home afterwards AND pass by chemist on way back in case I needed anything...

It was none of your business whatsoever and the least you could have done was offered to help not criticise.

YWNBU - itm ight make her think twice next time.

My DS is always a little ill with some ailment or other...but I can tell when he is going to be ill.

If at that point a stranger in a lift could see the child was ill then to me it must have been bvious at that point to the selfish mother - who continued with her shopping trip. So it is not relevant whether he seemed ill or not when collected...

BUT if you had seen this at a bus stop/car park and the mother was clearly taking her child home becuase they were ill then fair enough.

The Guardian is not at all scratchy. It is forgiving, compassionate and gives my arsehole the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, but it's not so hard to feel compassion for the little boy who was obviously sick...who's mother was acting in a way that wasn't very compassionate towards him. Perhaps, just perhaps, offering a hand to her ( someone who may or may not act like this towards him on a regular basis and who may or may not be a reasonable person) might have turned her behaviour around? One thing it quite likely though; being all moral and judgy on her sorry display of annoyance for a sick child probably put her in an even fouler mood than she was already in...which wouldn't have benefited the poor sick kid one little bit.

Reminds me of time me DD (then 6) threw up just as we arrived at school. She's on the spectrum and when she's ill the routine is heinz soup, white bread soldiers, ice pops, warm ribena, calpol. Other than calpol we never have this stuff in the house. But the one thing you cannot get away with when it comes to Autism is varying the schedule, esp when child is near hysterical on account of being ill.

Asda is on way home. DD was covered in vomit so first I ran into store to buy a onesie to change her into, leaving her in car. Came outside 2 mins later to see woman standing by my car, peering in (we were in DHs very flash sports car so lots of people look at it and she had obviously seen DD). Fortunately old biddy only tutted as she sloped off. So, i peeled off DDs clothes, put her in onesie and walked her back into Asda to get the stuff we needed. She was by this time no doubt shivering and moaning just like child in OPs description.

To cap off perfect start to day we were then stopped by the school truancy unit (who knew they existed? i didn't) and grilled for 10 minutes, with uniformed police standing next to officius truancy woman who acted pretty much like the OP. She firstly didnt believe Dd was ill, then didn't believe i was in process of taking her home, then harranged me for stopping at shop and wouldn't accept logic in stopping to get the stuff to make my DD better and actually laughed when i explained the specturm issue. DD was petrified (thought she was going to be arrested) and duly proceeded with fullblown meltdown. Then two old biddies walked past tutting about how ridiculous it was that a child of that age was allowed to get away with tantrumming like a two year old. I expect they also judged the fact that I was holding back from touching her (she has to come down first otherwise physical contact causes her to lash out quite spectacularly). That I was stood by the doors with policeman by my side probably flagged me as a shoplifter in their eyes, no doubt.

I have absolutely no doubt that all three old biddies, and truancy officer went home that day sanctimoniously judging their fucking pants off to high heaven. Just like the OP. All three of them stuck their noses in, decided I was a cunt of a mother and trotted off without once asking if they could help. I ended up with a DD who was not only ill but needed an hour of cuddling outside in the fucking car afterwards before I could even talk to her. And I still needed to buy the bloody food and calpol before I could get her home to bed.

Excuse the rant. But this thread has made me so very very angry.