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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

742 replies

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 17:55

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

OP posts:
Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 06/11/2014 00:08

OP, YANBU

My immune system is compromised due to a long standing illness and I had to give up my job (on medical advice) because I kept being infected by selfish people who sent their children to school or took them out and about when they were ill instead of keeping them at home.

There was absolutely no reason that could possibly be important enough for that child to be out shopping and it must have been very unpleasant for the shop staff and other customers. Sadly, I rarely go into shopping centres these days as I know that many people just don't care if they or their children are likely to infect other people.

wickedlazy · 06/11/2014 00:11

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wickedlazy · 06/11/2014 00:15

And OP I don't think you were unreasonable, it sounds as if you just said the first thing that came into your head, which was something angry on behalf of the child. It was a bit rudely phrased but the sentiment was still there.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/11/2014 00:18

No you weren't being unreasonable but. You don't know her circumstances she could have been working all day. Her dc's might needed something say for school. and maybe she had no-one to leave them with, so her option was what. Leave her kids in house alone.
If anyone interfered with what I do. They'd get one of my glares.
In a nutshell. It's nice you are concerned and perhaps if there were more like you who didn't turn a blind eye, well we might live in a more peaceful world. However yes this child was ill but he wasn't in danger so I'd have to say in this case. It was none of your business

motherofmonster · 06/11/2014 00:21

I'm lost now Confused how have we went from aibu to 20/20, pink barf and now to someone being called a perv... Think i may need to go to bed. I cant possibly take anymore tea and biscuits

wickedlazy · 06/11/2014 00:28

motherofmonster the perv is finishing her tea and also thinking of going to bed Smile

Ir1na · 06/11/2014 00:33

CountryMummy1 Awww! Smile

Ir1na · 06/11/2014 00:35

wickedlazy I'm not trying to be an arsehole, I'm just speaking honestly from my experience of what happens if you talk like that to strangers' children! Not saying you did anything wrong or actually ARE a perv! Sorry. Blush

sugar21 · 06/11/2014 00:52

Primani has lost it's reputation as the disposable clothing shop. From 6/11/14 the name has changed to Chunderani the barf and scarf store

coolaschmoola · 06/11/2014 01:16

Causing people to feel humiliation is one of the worst things you can do to them. Yes it has a massive impact on behaviour, unfortunately it is generally a negative one.

So you humiliated a woman whose child had vomited because you thought she was being mean to him? It is highly likely that her emotional response to your judgement was taken out on the child.

The look what you've done comment was more than likely because she felt embarrassed - I wonder what she said to him after you humiliated and shamed her??

You DIDN'T help that child, in fact, at best, you very probably got him a further bollocking as a result of your comments.

Well done OP, using humiliation and shame is just about guaranteed to result in behaviour deteriorating. Congratulations.

fourwoodenchairs · 06/11/2014 07:11

The OP is very happy with herself so that's all that matters...

Sicksquid · 06/11/2014 07:17

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northernlurker · 06/11/2014 08:03

So now the mother is an alcohol dependant trollop now? Hmm Are you feeling quite well sicksquid?

firesidechat · 06/11/2014 08:13

I was kind of hoping that squid was being ironic or something. Yes?

aprilanne · 06/11/2014 08:14

i think you were terrible really .to tell her he needed a hug .nosey git really .she may be a single parent .and needed these things for other children .say for a party or something she may have been on the phone trying to arrange child care you don,t know what the situation was .non of your business .pity she did,nt tell you to fuck off .

ThursdayLast · 06/11/2014 08:17

I'm cracking up at the suggestion the OP has been posting with 'humour and grace'!
I don't think I've been reading the same thread Confused

bearleftmonkeyright · 06/11/2014 08:27

I think sicksquid is being ironic and merely colouring in the mental picture the op has drawn for us. At least I hope that's true. I frequently get it wrong on aibu.

Frogme · 06/11/2014 08:39

The worlds gone mad.

So what if it wasn't her child. In that case she needed to be told too - even more so.

He hadn't been taken out feeling perfectly well and then became ill. He had been sent home from school because HE WAS ALREADY OBVIOUSLY ILL.

I'd have bloody noticed too. The op was there and saw a lot more CONTEXT.
I'd not have been brave enough to comment but I would have bloody thought it.

I can't believe the comments the op has got. There are some really weird thinking people on this thread. Just let everyone go about being shit parents and citizens because there might be some far fetched reason as to why they are acting like that. Sod the poor child or other such victim. The poor bloody perpetrator might be having a bad day. Ah diddicums.

Well done op.

JackSkellington · 06/11/2014 08:41

YABU. It's not your place to interfere, I'm disappointed surprised that she didn't tell you to mind your own business. Hmm

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 06/11/2014 08:41

Ketchuphidestheburntbits I don't think the OP really gives a shit about anyone or their compromised immune system. She just wanted to feel smug with herself and then posted on here for a large number collective pats on the back. It backfired! Grin

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 06/11/2014 08:41

Morning all. Just caught up and snorting at Sicksquid and obviously it's ironic.

I am actually off to primark now.

I will keep a beady eye out for any rough looking mothers with children who may be ill and need a hug and wow betide the cold hard bitches.

I have a special super mummy cape too. Grin

BigRedBall · 06/11/2014 09:06

Morning all.

coolaschmoola what about the embarrassment and humiliation of the little boy who barfed in public and then was told off for doing something he couldn't help? IF the woman was embarrassed (big IF) then good. She got a taste of her own medicine.

Thanks frogme, seems there are still some normal people here.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 06/11/2014 09:07

I don't know about that CrashDive. She's had a surprising (to me) number of medals and pats on the back.

I've always thought of myself as an interferer. I've chased shop lifters, walked towards screams in a wood, asked teenagers to remove themselves from delicate and dangerous archaeological sites (it was fenced off with great big keep out signs), alerted residential staff to sounds of distress from an elderly persons home, but I can't imagine myself ticking off another parent in the circumstances that the op describes.

I think it's sad that we've all become so judgemental and unwilling to actually help each other. What the op did wasn't helpful, it was designed to make the mother feel crap and herself feel smug.

BigRedBall · 06/11/2014 09:12

Yes, I'm basking in the light of my Internet medals which is making me feel splendid. Hmm

OP posts:
Sicksquid · 06/11/2014 09:18

I'm being as ironic as all those posters surely were being when they decided this woman was putting her poorly boy at the very top of her priorities. Fuck off with your 'but perhaps she really, really needed to be in Primark' bleeding heart nonsense.

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