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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this '??' Is rude

50 replies

Flatsfromnowon · 05/11/2014 00:08

So I saw a something I wanted to buy on a Facebook group and sent a message offering a price.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to check my Facebook for approx four hours as I do not get internet access. When I was able to access the internet the seller had messaged me twice. Once saying she would accept my offer and asking when I could collect and the next time, a few hours later, with '??' and nothing else.

I replied explaining I was at work and couldn't access my phone but suggested when I could collect and sent the message.

I couldnt check my phone again for
approx four hours and I received another two messages, the last one being '??'

Am I unreasonable to find '??' rude?

OP posts:
Cundtbake · 05/11/2014 00:24

I don't think it's that rude. Facebook selling pages usually move quite quickly, because people want to get rid of stuff ASAP.

Maybe they'd had more interest in what they were selling and wanted to confirm that you wanted it before offering to someone else.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/11/2014 00:27

It's not rude, it just means 'are you there and do you still want my stuff'. I can see that it could look rude but it's really not. There are probably other posts behind yours and that particular page has a first poster gets the item policy.

TsukuruTazaki · 05/11/2014 00:45

I agree it seems rude

DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot · 05/11/2014 01:36

I don't even like it when DH uses '??'. Especially when only 3 seconds have passed since I received the message.

I think it's far too familiar and impatient a response so yeah, rude due to being inappropriate.

sykadelic · 05/11/2014 01:41

Not rude.

Riverland · 05/11/2014 01:57

No it isn't rude at all. People just are incredibly used to instant contact and responses these days.

Hence everyone glued to screens at ever possible opportunity!

differentnameforthis · 05/11/2014 01:58

I don't think it was rude, however, having been the one waiting around for a reply (re an item I was selling), while others were asking if it was still available, I would have appreciated a heads up on the first message saying that you wouldn't be able to able to reply due to work for x hours.

I think it is rude to offer & not be contactable for that length of time, to be fair. And I do get it that not everyone has 24-7 access to the internet, but in my opinion, it is only polite to mention that first!

vitabrits · 05/11/2014 05:50

Yes it's rude. You can sort of picture the insolent facial expression that goes along with it.

AmandaTanen · 05/11/2014 05:58

Yes, it's rude. Would put me off buying is someone did it to me.

futterwacken · 05/11/2014 06:12

Not in this situation no. In 8 hours she could have had someone else buy and collect it already.

londonrach · 05/11/2014 06:15

I think she was bumping the page up to draw your attention to it. Not rude.

wowfudge · 05/11/2014 06:31

Yes, I think it was rude: why not ask whatever her question was? Shorthand for 'are you still interested?' perhaps, but the meaning isn't clear.

gamerwidow · 05/11/2014 07:19

Not rude it's standard internet speak for are you still there/ still interested.
It's a frustrating business selling online you always get time wasters she was just checking that you wasn't one.

firesidechat · 05/11/2014 07:23

Yes it's rude. I don't even do it to people I know really well and I assume this person is a stranger to you. If she had lots of other potential buyers and needed a quick response then she could have politely said that, not ??!

Original poster
Flatsfromnowon · 05/11/2014 07:24

Thank you all :) it did put me off buying and as she had two others interested I didn't feel bad telling her that I had changed my mind as I found it rude.

Was a shame as I really wanted to item and it was just a case of agreeing a mutually convenient time to collect.

I will know for next time to provide a heads up on being able to check my phone.

OP posts:
futterwacken · 05/11/2014 07:59

So you were wasting her time.

Silvercatowner · 05/11/2014 08:02

If you wanted it you shouldn't have then gone AWOL for the next few hours - very frustrating for someone wanting a quick straightforward sale. I'd've sold it to someone else in the meantime.

gamerchick · 05/11/2014 08:04

Yes you were wasting her time.

Facebook selling is fast moving so if you want to keep people hanging on then maybe stick to eBay.

rollonthesummer · 05/11/2014 08:04

You kept her waiting for hours and then told her not to bother because you found HER rude!?

Foxbiscuitselection · 05/11/2014 08:04

Yes it was rude and it would put me off buying off her

Camolips · 05/11/2014 08:07

So the second time (or even the first) why didn't you tell her you would be offline and wouldn't be able to pick up messages?
I would think you were a time waster and if you were on our page the seller would've reported you.

Bowlersarm · 05/11/2014 08:07

Blimey she was rude, then you were ruder.

Wonc · 05/11/2014 08:08

Not rude.

MissBattleaxe · 05/11/2014 08:15

It's very rude to send ?? as an email. A young relative did this to me and I thought it was incredibly rude, like nudging someone in the rubs or or saying "Oi!". It makes me disinclined to respond positively.

What happened to using language? (weeping)

lylasmam2012 · 05/11/2014 08:17

I hate anyone using more than one question mark anyway. But this is the height of rudeness.