To think this '??' Is rude

[Flatsfromnowon]

So I saw a something I wanted to buy on a Facebook group and sent a message offering a price.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to check my Facebook for approx four hours as I do not get internet access. When I was able to access the internet the seller had messaged me twice. Once saying she would accept my offer and asking when I could collect and the next time, a few hours later, with '??' and nothing else.

I replied explaining I was at work and couldn't access my phone but suggested when I could collect and sent the message.

I couldnt check my phone again for
approx four hours and I received another two messages, the last one being '??'

Am I unreasonable to find '??' rude?

Stringing someone along and then pulling out hours later is far ruder than using two question marks!

The seller could have just said "I need a quick sale so I'm afraid I can't hang on for you"

Not
??

??

It is rude, she could have said, do you still want the things. Not everyone can access the Internet all the time, op was working! If you really wanted the item I would have bought it.

Exactly mrsbattle, she çoukd have well said that, if you dude t reply, sell to somebody else

Nonsense, rollon. OP had every intention of buying until the seller was rude twice, the second time after OP had explained she was at work and not glued to the internet.

If a salesperson in a shop was rude to me, I'd decline to proceed with my planned transaction. Online is no different.

Even if OP had broken some unwritten etiquette of FB selling by being new to it (who knew, eh?), then the polite way to prompt her would have been to use words.

'??' comes across as aggressive and rude. As a direct result of the rudeness, the seller didn't make this sale (although OP notes there were others interested).

How was I stringing her along? I had committed to buying, we had agreed a price and was sorting out when I could collect.

I am very familiar with Facebook buying and selling and my AIBU was about the sellers use of '??' to chase me, not about the buying process.

When someone has committed to buy from me recently and I hadn't heard for a few hours I wouldn't have dreamt of being so rude as to chase just using '??'.

Again, thanks for the responses :)

Maybe you're best off avoiding Facebook selling pages from now on.

Yep, leave it to the boyfriend ;)

I'm off to work now so won't be able to check back for the day. Once again thanks to all of you taking the time and I'm not flouncing off (is that the correct term?!)

Tbh people buying on facbook can be so flakey I wouldn't assume the "buyer" was committed until i had my money and they had the item, so I can see why she was impatient.

??

OP you haven’t posted for 30 mins.

?? ??

Turns out you were stringing her along though doesn't it as you committed to buy but then pulled out.

Yea she was a bit rude but not massively. Sorry I think you over reacted. It is not unreasonable for her to wonder what is happening if you are uncontactable for long periods. She was just trying to get it sorted. YWBU.

Do people here go looking for things to find rude? And to bother about it so much they start whole threads based on ??

Whilst I think it is quite rude, I think you have to accept that that's the way those pages work. I personally wouldn't try to buy something unless I knew I was going to have continuous access to the internet until sale was agreed. In that context it probably seemed to her like you were rude for not replying quicker.

It's not how I would reply but it does pee me off when selling something and people wander off. I was selling some tickets a couple of weeks ago and they needed to be sent the next day - three people contacted me offering a price and then disappeared when I had said yes - I left them a gap of about 3 hours each. If I had waited for any of them I would have lost over £100.

It's time wasting and irritating - I've started being a bit more ruthless now.

Thing is as you were in the middle of agreeing a sale it would have been better to let her know you would be offline for 4 hours both times rather than just disappearing. She may have thought you were a time waster. I don't think ?? is rude in this context and didn't warrant you pulling out. She probably does see you as a time waster now you have pulled out.

Someone wrote '??' to me once in 2011. :(

I got some counselling last year though so I can talk about it now without feeling all that emotion. It feels good.

Crispy

You hadn't agreed a price as you didn't respond to her accepting your offer.

'?' is rude, '??' is ignorant and rude.

Crispyfern

Op it's a bit self important and chippy, but not worth getting annoyed about. If you want the thing buy it off her. Therein the relationship will cease.

It's probably a little impatient but not worth getting worked up over. Actually I think ?? Is preferable to "did you still want this Hun? Xx"

I saw an item I wanted on gumtree, texted the seller and got Hun & kisses from a complete stranger

I don't think you 'have to accept it's how these pages work'. If ban manners aren't challenged they become the norm.

Out of interest, FB sellers - do you put expectations of timeframes for response when you're selling, eg 'I'll need you to respond within two hours or I'll offer to the next person'. Or do you expect people to be psychic?

I'm going to go against the grain - I think it's incredibly impatient and therefore rude. I don't think you need to put up with it at all... if people are rude to each other over the Internet then gradually that behaviour bleeds into real life. I find that people are incredibly impatient nowadays - I often get stick for not having my phone on me when I'm at home and therefore missing calls. I'm at home! Why would I need to be glued to my phone when I'm enjoying my family's life

Amazed people think that ?? is NOT rude!

It is uncivil. How much time does it take to write "Sorry, can you update me?"

?? Gives me visions of Lauren Cooper sucking her teeth. It is absolutely rude and would put me off engaging with that person.

I'm back. Just to say thank you for all who posted :)

The longest period she didn't hear from me was four hours and when I was able to reply I explained about Internet access.

Contact was on Facebook messenger so she was able to see that I hadn't read my messages, as oppose to reading and ignoring; to chase with '??' isn't going to make me respond any more quickly without access to the internet I'm afraid

As far as I was concerned it was a done deal - a price agreed and sorting out when I could collect.

If my buying contact with her was giving her the impression of flakiness then she should have made me aware (asking if I was still interested and letting me know that she had other people interested) so I could have assured her I wanted the item - although by agreeing a price and suggesting when I could collect I am not sure why I would have come across as flakey.

In future I will know to tell people if I am going unavailable for any period of time but on the whole I do think this seller was rude to use '??' twice