To tell DD that if her room is not tidied within the next 30 minutes then I will start throwing things away?

[muminthecity]

And to actually follow through? Her room is a pigsty. I have someone coming round tomorrow to put together her new bed and put up some shelves. I have told DD her room needs to be tidied before then. She has been in her room for an hour so far and done nothing other than moan. Would it be unreasonable of me to throw some of her things away? Not the really expensive things, but some of her craft materials (e.g. Cardboard boxes, pieces of fabric etc) and some of her toys?

I am just so sick of her ignoring me, whining and moaning, and making so much mess wherever she goes. She is 9, surely I am not asking too much to expect a bit of tidying?

Do it.

Mine is the same, I feel at 9 she is old enough to keep one room tidy but she is only bothered about minecraft and the tv

Feel for you very frustrating

I would be standing outside her room shaking out a black bin bag, just to get the message over loud and clear.

Go for it. If that doesn't work, cancel the new bed and shelves. Maybe put them in a sibling's room (if she has one).

At 9 she is old enough to understand consequences, tidying and the privilege of new stuff.

Depends. Will you follow though?

If you will, then great, go for it. But if you do the "tidy or I'll bin" but end up tidying it up for her, then don't.

Be honest with yourself. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

(I binned DDs prized and expensive roller boots because I kept falling over them. She was gutted and had to save up to buy herself a new pair...but she puts these ones away when she's finished with them)

If yabu then I hate to think what I am. My 4yo DD knows full well if she hasn't tidied her toys before bedtime it goes in the bin!! I give her plenty of reminders but if she's old enough to drag it all out she's old enough to put it away imo

YANBU. Chuck her crap out. And let the delivery/workperson store the bed and shelves somewhere else until she can learn to behave herself.

The only problem with your ultimatum is that you are going to have to start throwing the stuff away if she doesn't comply. Believe me I know how frustrating she is being. I have two at home myself who are driving me insane and I mean insane. I have done ultimatums and they have never worked for me. They only ended in World War III.

Is there any chance that you could go in and have a chat with her? Tell her how much you love her and that you are really frustrated and would love some support from her.

I realise that this probably sounds like I am suggesting that you be a doormat and pander to a 9 year old. You need the room cleaned and you don't need WWIII at this time on a Sunday. If she doesn't want to engage by all means throw the stuff out. I understand if you think I am nuts.

Do it with her

Throw everything away, then she'll have nothing less to make a mess with and will listen to you next time. Threats only work when your child knows that you'll follow through. Prove yourself.

I threatened that yesterday. Went so far as to grab a black bag and put some toys in it before she started crying and tidying her room as fast as. It is spotless now And she got the toys I put in a bag back too. But I've been telling her for months to help me tidy up, to put toys away when she's finished using them, to not just chuck things everywhere when she is looking for something else.

I threw all my Dd1 stuff out the window one time for that exact reason :o

Room was a pigsty and she wouldnt clean it. I opened the window and threw everything on the floor out into the yard

She picked it up and has kept it tidy ever since

I have tried talking, pleading, bribing. I have to get tough and show her that I mean business. I am a single parent and she has watched me run myself ragged today, cleaning the house from top to bottom, while she watched tv/played with her dolls. This is the only job I have asked her to do.

Since my last post she has still done nothing, so I'm going in now to throw things out.

Yes, you are doing the right thing! Do it with her but stay tough!

probably less hassle to go in and help her tidy .then it will get done in half the time .

I understand it is her room to tidy. But, realistically, is it in a state that a 9 yr old child actually could tidy it, beginning after 3 pm on a Sunday, to the point of even moving new furniture in, much less BUILDING furniture in it?

If new furniture was scheduled, surely the project of decluttering and reorganizing the room, not just tidying, should have begun the day the order was placed, if not before, and involved you/her dad at various stages.

Have you actually shown her how to do it, and is it a reasonable challenge for a small child?
If the room is as bad as you say maybe she is overwhelmed and doesn't know how or where to start? (I feel the same about our attic sometimes)
Dont set her up to fail. Helping and praising her (once she has started) will probably get better results.

My mum threatened it and put the stuff out by the bins but gave it back once we had tidied up. Seeing it outside was a massive shock that she was serious and got our butts in gear

The room has been decluttered this week, and she has new storage in place for all her toys. All she had to do was pick toys from floor and put them in the storage tubs/drawers, put books back on bookshelf and rubbish (pieces of paper mainly) in bin. This isn't the first time we've been through this. I hve tidied it for her many times, I've shown her how to do it, I've tidied with her, I've labelled everything so that each toy has a place. Trust me, this is a last resort.

I have now thrown away all of the junk modelling materials she was keeping, as well as the loom bands and doll accessories that were scattered all over the floor. She is not happy and I do feel bad, but I had to do something.

I would help her to tidy it. I wouldn't throw my kids stuff away.

I find that if my kids are struggling to get started on tidying I say "pick up 50 things" (Fucking Lego!) and then when they've done that "pick 100 things" etc etc. Breaking it down into manageable lumps makes it less daunting.

(There is is still a lot of nagging/faffing etc but sometimes I am happy with "major improvement" and other times I require "immaculate."

what usual said, i wouldn't really expect my 9yo DD to be able to tidy her room properly anyway, when my dd attempts it, it sort of makes it worse. I think you are a bit mean to be honest. If it has been decluttered this week then surely its not that bad. Was it really worth upsetting her for?

Go and tidy the room WITH her, make sure she helps, why have you only thrown her craft stuff away, why not the expensive stuff?

Why? It's her room! Shut the door.

Not UR but once the furniture is in make it the last time you do it.

I didn't allow overspills into the rest of the house but eventually all of mine were left to stew in their own filth or not as they chose.

The ones who chose to finally realised all the disadvantages of doing so and now have regular sort outs of their own accord.

Admittedly it has taken years but at least I saved myself more than a few sore throats not to mention the angst

If it wasn't for the fact that she was having a new bed etc, I wouldn't even care if it was messy.

But as the room needs to be relatively clear for the new bed I would help her.

After that, her room,her mess.