To tell DD that if her room is not tidied within the next 30 minutes then I will start throwing things away?

[muminthecity]

And to actually follow through? Her room is a pigsty. I have someone coming round tomorrow to put together her new bed and put up some shelves. I have told DD her room needs to be tidied before then. She has been in her room for an hour so far and done nothing other than moan. Would it be unreasonable of me to throw some of her things away? Not the really expensive things, but some of her craft materials (e.g. Cardboard boxes, pieces of fabric etc) and some of her toys?

I am just so sick of her ignoring me, whining and moaning, and making so much mess wherever she goes. She is 9, surely I am not asking too much to expect a bit of tidying?

Never mind her room - why was she watching tv and playing with her dolls while you cleaned the whole house? She is 9 and more than capable of doing a few things round the house to help. If you got her doing this, maybe doing her room wouldn't be too much of a chore.

My DS was out (at the match) today whilst I cleaned the whole house, but When he came back, he had to hoover his room and he will be changing his bedding shortly.

There is no reason why, at the age of 9, that children can't help round the house a bit. It's about ensuring we do our best as parents and enabling them to learn (bit by bit) to be independant. Start now and it won't end up as a huge issue when they are teenagers.

Well done on carrying through with the consequences.

icclemunchy you throw a FOUR year old's stuff away? I'm flabbergasted.

I never get these threads anyway. I don't expect someone to come to my desk at work and chuck stuff if it's a mess (just as well) so how can anyone think it's a reasonable way to behave in someone.s home? She doesn't sound a naughty kid - tell her, then help her or sit with her. I hate tidying, so I can understand why a child wouldn't want to do it, can't you? Make it easier for her! My DD went through very messy phases, but is a pretty tidy student now (and I see plenty of photos of her study room on FBI etc.

I understand you need it tidy for tomorrow, but I don't understand how chucking it out helps - it's taking your time, so why not out the black bag of stuff in her wardrobe or the spare room, or anywhere really? Why chuck it out?

I think sometimes it can seem overwhelming if it's too untidy.

I moan at ds when his room gets like that but it's usually symptomatic that a big clear out is required and decisions need to be made about what to keep, bin or charity shop.

When it gets to that point we do it together otherwise he gets distracted and it drags on. Despite moaning I would not just go in and bin bag up everything. He'd be really upset as would I be if someone did the same to me.

I think chucking a child's toys away to prove a point is cruel and unnecessary.

It's not cruel and unnecessary... I wish I had carried through threats when my DD was younger, perhaps her bedroom wouldn't be the absolute state it is now...and she's nearly 18 !
I dread to think what her room will be like at university.

She would rather strew all her clothes ( and I mean all) on the floor rather than hang them up or put them in drawers. And, she only has a tiny room!. Every now and then she has a clear out of all the other rubbish she has accumulated, and puts DVDs and CDs back in their boxes. But within a week it will be back to ' normal' . I gave up helping and doing it for her some time ago....

I don't think I was cruel, and I wasn't doing it to prove a point, I was doing it to show her that her actions have consequences, and to hopefully help her to listen to and follow instructions in future. Maybe I did the wrong thing, I don't know, but I do know that I did it with the best of intentions.

My DD is a lovely, intelligent, kind and generally wonderful little girl, but she is incredibly lazy. She leaves dirty socks on the living room floor every day, despite me telling her constantly to put them in the wash. She leaves sweet wrappers on the floor/stuffed down the side of the sofa. She has to be nagged and nagged to take her plate from the table to the kitchen sink (about 3 feet away.) It is just so frustrating, these are all silly little jobs that any child would be perfectly capable of, but I have to constantly nag for her to do anything.

I still have to force her into the bathroom to wash/brush her teeth. Basically anything that involves moving more than an inch and is not 'fun.' I am really struggling with it at the moment to be honest.

Just to add, I wasn't mean to her, I didn't shout or lose my temper. We had a lovely, calm conversation and she said she understood why I did it and would make an effort to do more to help (a conversation we have had 100 times before.) We've had lots of cuddles and watched a film together. Just thought I'd point that out in case anyone thinks I'm evil/cruel!

"She has to be nagged and nagged""

As long as the request is reasonable, and you give fair warning (like not in the middle of her TV show) you should really only ask once, otherwise they learn to ignore you.
Phrasing it as "lets clear the table now" and "we need to hoover" helps a lot. (I discovered this through trial and error with my lazy bunch)

Gentlehoney- if only that worked, I'd be a very happy woman. Typical conversation goes like this:

Me: oh dear DD, you've left your socks on the floor again, go and pop them in the wash please, there's a good girl

DD: ok, I'll do it in a minute

Me: could you do it now please? Then we can settle down and read a book/have tea/watch tv/whatever we're doing next

DD: I can't do it right now, I'm tired/thirsty/need to sit down, I'll do it in a minute

Me: (leave it for a few minutes, wait for her to have drink/whatever.) ok, times up, go and put them in the wash now

DD: I don't want to/I'm tired/I can't be bothered, can't you just do it for me?

Me: (trying desperately to stay calm) No, I've asked you to do it, you know the rules, do it now

DD: you're so unfair! Why do I have to do everything? Why can't you just do it? Etc etc

Bloody. Exhausting

Cardibach yes I would if I needed too. We live in a tiny house and I don't spend good money on nice things for her to throw them on the floor and stand all over them!!

She has always been expected to tidy up after herself (with sensible help from us. We're not slave drivers!!) but when she got to around 3 she decided she just didn't want to do it. Only once have I got as far as bagging stuff up and since I followed through on my warning we've never had to do more than ask since (and she got the toys back since it was a first warning)

She has one big toy box and a dressing up box, if she can take stuff out of them she can bloody well put them back again!!

muminthecity - I feel your pain. My dd is 9 too. She likes her room to be a tip. Most of the time we leave it, and I try and get her to hang up her school uniform each night.

No answers to give you though! Sorry!

It sounds like you've been very reasonable, you've shown her how to tidy, you've given clear instructions of what you expect. She was simply being defiant.

I'm flabbergasted at posters saying 9 year olds don't know how to tidy. Mine were tidying, hoovering and dusting their own rooms by 9. It wouldn't be done perfectly and I'd have to go in for an inspection to point out what they'd missed, and they'd have told be told to do it in the first place, but they were more than capable of actually doing the tidying.

I have also used the 'tidy it or I bin it' threat at that age. Only did it once, to things that weren't very expensive, but once was all it took to show them I meant business.

I have done this.

Packed 50% of dd things in the attic. To get her things back she has got to keep her things tidy.

So far she has and I rewarded her with 1 thing back.