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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think that hen parties cost too much nowadays?

77 replies

CrystalVision77 · 02/11/2014 15:49

Another weekend, another invite to a hen do.

We're hiring a cottage down South, 20 girls invites, some activities and food included. Cost per person - £280.00. This doesn't include travel, or alcohol.

Add this to the two-day spa break I've had to turn down, plus the weekend in Portugal I've said I can't go to and the night in London at a 5* hotel, show and dinner. Each of those were coming in at £300+.

I have two small DC's and DH and am currently on maternity leave. Most of my friends are in the same position (either pregnant or with small children) and those getting married just don't seem to get that I can't justify spending so much on a hen do.

AIBU not to go?

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 02/11/2014 15:54

If you don't want to go then just don't but tell her it's because of the cost.

Suggest a few drinks or a meal out somewhere local just the two of you after the wedding to make up for it.

championnibbler · 02/11/2014 15:55

YANBU. That's way too expensive.
Just say you won't be going. You don't even have to give a reason and no-one should force an explanation from you. No means no.

FreudiansSlipper · 02/11/2014 15:55

No at all

I turned down a hen spa weekend I could have got the money together but rather spend it on going away with ds it's a lot of money to spend on a celebration

Missunreasonable · 02/11/2014 15:56

Yes, the cost of hen (or stag) parties is out of control. I would refuse any hen party that would cost me more than £50.

Smilesandpiles · 02/11/2014 15:57

I do understand what you mean.

I was supposed to have gone a hen night which was a meal out - fantastic.
Then it was drinks and a meal - fair enough

Then it just a pub crawl - urgh, doable but I'd do it if that's what she wanted.

then it morphed into a drinking bus, a night out in another city and we all had to dress up in fancy dress, coming back on the train the next morning. NOPE.

Doubledecker22 · 02/11/2014 16:00

Not at all. I think the price is reasonable with what you get but that is a lot of money to spend when you have dc esp when on maternity leave. I could think of a million things I'd rather spend the money on.

If their true friends they will understand that your not currently in a position to spend that much money. I think it would be fairer to turn all down also so it doesn't look like you are picking a favourite.

The fact that your on mat leave means you have a young dc and I personally wouldn't feel comfortable being away from mine for any length of time but that's just me.

Original poster

CrystalVision77 · 02/11/2014 16:01

Thanks all - I will explain it's the cost. I just feel bad as I can see from the email stream that a few have cried off already because of costs and I don't want to look like I'm using it as an excuse. If I miss this one, like the last three, that's over a thousand pounds I'll have saved in the past year.

I just hate that it's all getting out of hand. Like if you're not having the do to end all do's, you're not doing it properly. It's also annoying because the bride doesn't actually have a clue what's going on as she's not organising it. I feel like telling her sister (who's organising it) that i'm sure she'd rather do something cheaper that everyone can be involved in but don't want to rock the boat...

OP posts:

FiftyShadesofScreeeeeeeam · 02/11/2014 16:04

YANBU. I have turned down so many hen weekends in the past few years. One cost over £1k....

Smilesandpiles · 02/11/2014 16:04

a few have cried off already because of costs

If that's the case, then the bride to be really needs to wake up, listen and think of something else.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/11/2014 16:05

Yanbu at all, tell her you cannot go to those events as you cannot afford it, suggest meeting for a meal or drink. She should be mindful that people are in budgets, £200+ is a hell of a lot for a celebration.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 02/11/2014 16:05

Not unreasonable at all.
Those prices are unbelievably high, especially when you take in to account going to the wedding, buying a wedding gift, possibly needing to stay over at the venue and travel to get there. All added up it could cost you a fortune just to celebrate one marriage!

Whatever happened to a night out with the girls being enough for a hen do?
I got married 7 years ago, for my hen do we had a meal out (cost about £10 a person for 3 courses plus wine) and then a few drinks round town, cost no more than £30 each. Had a fantastic night, which is the whole point of a hen do. No need to have it cost so much!

Bearbehind · 02/11/2014 16:06

The trouble is so many brides want their wedding to be the biggest and the best and, especially when they are the last in their social group to get married and have kids, they just have no concept of what a chunk of the family budget, both time and money, these things take up.

I think it's actually a good thing a lot of others have cried off, it might make the bride/ sister realise they are being unreasonable.

Original poster

CrystalVision77 · 02/11/2014 16:06

Smiles - like I said, the bride isn't actually organising it and her sister (CBM) has asked us not to tell her anything so that it's a surprise. I just feel like she's going to turn up and notice that half her actual friends aren't there but i don't feel like I'll have chance to explain to her beforehand the reasons why without letting her in on the plans

OP posts:

addictedtobass · 02/11/2014 16:07

YANBU not to go, just say you can't make it. That amount of money is a lot for me as well but I do know others for whom that amount would be trivial.

Smilesandpiles · 02/11/2014 16:08

Then tell the CBM of your concerns and why you are not going.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/11/2014 16:08

Those irganising it are absolutely clueless, at this rate tge poor bride will have nobody to go to her do. Why don't you send an e mail and tell them that a few are on a budget and cannot afford these weekends, could tgey organise something for a budget and more people would go. They need to be told.

addictedtobass · 02/11/2014 16:08

OP can you arrange a nice meal or drinks with those who also won't be able to make it and the bride?

Leeds2 · 02/11/2014 16:09

I have only ever been on 2 hen dos, and they were both a very long time ago, but I find it quite jaw dropping at some of the proposals I read about on here. And the cost of them!

The bride's sister should possibly make a few changes if several people are dropping out just because of the cost.

amyhamster · 02/11/2014 16:09

about £10 a person for 3 courses plus wine

Where was that? Wetherspoons?!!

DanyStormborn · 02/11/2014 16:10

YANBU the cost of hen parties is getting out of control. Weddings are expensive to attend (travel, accomodation, outfit, present) so an added £300 is crazy. Yes it's their special day but so is their wedding why not have a cheaper hen do everyone can attend as surely it's the people that count not the activity/location? Also as friends/sisters/cousins getting married often all happens in the space of 5 years or so for people it can be several lots of £300 required each year and often when they are having big life events of their own to finance.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/11/2014 16:10

My hen was a evening at the local chineese buffet, and a day out in Alton Towers organised by myself

Original poster

CrystalVision77 · 02/11/2014 16:10

I've been married 3 years and my hen do was as cheap as possible (i'm not saying this because I'm trying to make it all about the cost, I have been to more expensive hen do's and enjoyed them) but at that time, DD1 was only 9 months old and I didn't want to go too far, so we had a meal at a restaurant where you could take your own alcohol and then just went into town for a dance.

I felt comfortable that people could afford to come and that I wouldn't have anyone bitching behind my back about the cost of it. Which is what I'm doing now I guess...

OP posts:

carlsonrichards · 02/11/2014 16:13

I would tell the truth about why I could not attend. I'd suggest an alternative night that is cheaper.

Bearbehind · 02/11/2014 16:13

oP, do you really think the bride doesn't know about it?

It's not unheard of for a pushy bride to claim to know nothing about very expensive hen do plans, when in fact they are orchestrating it.

I might be totally wrong but it's a possibility.

Who's paying for the bride to go?

If she's paying she'll know the cost might be prohibitive for some.

If you are all expected to pay for her then remember the less people who go, the more it will cost each of you.

HamAndPlaques · 02/11/2014 16:15

You are right to explain to the CBM that you are declining with regret because you can't afford to participate. Hopefully she has time to realise that she's got carried away and to organise something more sensible.

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