Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that hen parties cost too much nowadays?

77 replies

CrystalVision77 · 02/11/2014 15:49

Another weekend, another invite to a hen do.

We're hiring a cottage down South, 20 girls invites, some activities and food included. Cost per person - £280.00. This doesn't include travel, or alcohol.

Add this to the two-day spa break I've had to turn down, plus the weekend in Portugal I've said I can't go to and the night in London at a 5* hotel, show and dinner. Each of those were coming in at £300+.

I have two small DC's and DH and am currently on maternity leave. Most of my friends are in the same position (either pregnant or with small children) and those getting married just don't seem to get that I can't justify spending so much on a hen do.

AIBU not to go?

OP posts:
Gawjushun · 02/11/2014 19:23

YANBU. It's not just the monetary commitment either. By booking a hen weekend you're expecting people to spend two nights away from their families. I don't mind the odd night away, but weekends are precious and I want to spend a little time with my ds. The last time I went on a hen weekend we had to leave first thing Friday morning, and didn't get back til late Sunday. I was thoroughly sick of everyone by then.

thomasinathetankengine · 02/11/2014 20:18

I agree toot, there are people within my social circles who've done the big hen do/wedding themselves but are not keen to pay the equivalent when others get married. I do understand that situations change but I too can see that if you happen to be the last to get married and have forked out for everyone else, it would stick in your throat a bit if everyone said no to yours.

all that said, I do agree that hen dos are crazily expensive and I'm not wildly keen on paying for the bride.

alemci · 02/11/2014 20:22

totally agree especially if the wedding is very soon after. I've mafe excuses for one coming soon. the truth is I cannot really afford it and i wont enjoy it. it involves going abroad.

PrincessOfChina · 02/11/2014 20:29

It kind of depends on the group. I don't see much point in a group of girls all from xxx city decamping to xxx city to do random activities and go out.

However, most of my group love all around the country so it's always been easier to head somewhere random.

So YANBU. But sometimes all your mates don't live round the corner so a meal out for £30 is actually automatically a £150-200 night out.

elliejjtiny · 02/11/2014 20:38

YANBU. I've been to 2 hen parties, both costing around £10 per person. I'm not saying they all have to be that cheap but some of these prices are way OTT.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 02/11/2014 20:39

I am totally agog at how much i am spending on weddings next year close to 4k!!! - I have three 'away' hen dos next year, three 'away' stag dos for DH, then a local do for each, then the weddings - outfits for 6 times 3 and gifts... will be lucky to get it in for 4K.

To put in in perspective my DH earns 12K a year and I am a student. Totally fucked! But its very close friends and family so no way out of it all. I cant help but think of all the things that sum of money could buy for us though....

starlight1234 · 02/11/2014 20:40

If people are dropping out and you are renting a cottage. Price is also going to be going up.

Bearbehind · 02/11/2014 20:43

babydubs spending a third of your annual household income on other peoples weddings is absolute insanity.

Why are you doing it?

There is a way out of it- you say I'm a student and Dh isn't a high earner so we just can't afford it- sorry.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 02/11/2014 20:59

Well yes we could just not do it... but like I say, close friends and family, and three fallen in one year... I wouldn't miss it, for their sake or ours, but it is going to be a hard year because of it.

We like bread and jam anyway Grin

To answer the op though, I do think most brides/grooms understand that big dos means that not everyone will be able to attend, surely?

GingerSkin · 02/11/2014 20:59

What would be an idea hen do? Might need some ideas for mine as I absolutely refuse to spend money on a big 'away' hen do next year.

GingerSkin · 02/11/2014 21:00

*ideal, obviously

Smurfingreat · 02/11/2014 21:07

Ginger I had a BBQ at home for mine, with floor space for friends not from home town to stay, local friends offered spare rooms or recommendation of a cheap hotel for anyone who didn't fancy an air mattress. I was lucky that nobody was from further than 40 miles away, so those with kids who wanted to get home could still do so, and nobody couldn't come because of the cost. It was far more important to me to spend time with my mates than go on a fancy weekend away, that's what DH is for. anyway, I hate nights out with multiple venues and lots of people, it's like herding cats.

kusmile · 02/11/2014 21:28

YADNBU

Funny that everyone seems to be against expensive hen dos, but these hens keep having them... Angry

Call me a party pooper, but I hate having to spend hundreds a year to go to overseas weddings and have my DP away at (also expensive) stag dos all the time. It's not even like you get to really enjoy the holiday/party aspect because often entails everyone spending all their time running about making the couple happy and running errands for them. Wow, how much of a grinch am I?

That said, if a really good friend of mine were getting married, I wouldn't begrudge it, but it would have to be a BFF for life kind of friend. And none of my friends would impose an expensive hen on their friends anyway.

JuniorMumber · 02/11/2014 21:53

Yanbu. I just had my friends out for drinks in a local pub for mine as I hate the idea of them having to fork out for a hen do on top of a wedding.
It's unfortunate, because the bride isn't the one organising it, so isn't aware how out of control costs get. I think the friend allocated to organise the hen always feels as though they need to do something big and elaborate or the bride will be disappointed.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/11/2014 21:57

I had a strong hand in how my hen night went, which is exactly why I chose who I did for chief bridesmaid.

Meal and drinks. In the city all but one friend lived in already. No hotels were required and neither were passports.

cingolimama · 03/11/2014 16:25

OP, totally agree hen do's have gotten out of hand. What's the point of it all? Showmanship? One-upmanship?

Far better, as Alis suggests: a nice meal and drinks with people you love, who wish you well, and who'll make you laugh. That should be the point.

cingolimama · 03/11/2014 16:31

Babydubs, please please re-think this. The only way to do what you're planning is to go into serious debt, which is totally bananas.

Failedspinster · 03/11/2014 17:28

YANBU. I hate this. For my hen night last year, I had a tea shop crawl in the afternoon, followed by Chinese buffet, then the pub. People came along for as long as they liked - some for an hour, some for the whole thing. I really enjoyed it and costs were pretty minimal to all concerned :)

Bunbaker · 03/11/2014 17:39

Wow, mumsnetters must be very popular to get invited to so many hen dos and weddings. I have been to a couple of hen dos (both a meal out in the local town) and a handful of weddings. I must average one wedding every 5 years.

I didn't even have a hen do because it just didn't occur to me. Mind you I got married 33 years ago and I don't think they were the deal that they are now.

sunflower49 · 03/11/2014 17:42

YANBU I wouldn't want to pay that either. I think the organiser needs to be told that she needs to rethink and have a chat with the bride about her priorities.

Some people just can't afford things like that, some can but will struggle which isn't fair-others maybe can but wouldn't want to!I know people who are wealthy enough but still don't spend money just like that unless It's something they REALLY want to do and hen nights aren't always a priority.

If the bride wants her friends there, she shouldn't make it difficult for them.

MissBattleaxe · 03/11/2014 17:44

YANBU.

It's ridiculous grabby and greedy. The social pressure on people to cough up and go has got out of hand and frankly, if a bride is at all pissed off because a friend can't stretch to it, then she is no friend at all.

This new fangled tradition of paying for the bride is utter pants too. The bride is about to get a massive wedding, loads of gifts and a honeymoon. Her poor friends are then expected to pay for the privilege of bankrupting themselves on some arsey weekend doing stuff you'd never normally choose to do anyway whilst being bossed around by a power crazed bridesmaid shouting "right ladies, it's time for the samba lesson/hot tub/ morris dancing, followed by cocktails, fancy dress, high tea and a ride on a double decker bridal bus"

It's become acquisitive and materialistic. If more people just kept saying "I can't afford it" then the trend would have to be bucked and all this spendy nonsense would stop.

hoiks bosom.

There. I've said it.

MissBattleaxe · 03/11/2014 17:59

BabyDubs- practice in front of a mirror "I'm sorry I can't afford it".

People who expect students to use their meagre funds for ego massage are the ones in the wrong, not the poor sod who can't afford but is afraid of losing face.

Getting into debt to please others is a very slippery slope. They should have some consideration for your situation.

Peanutbutterandnutellanutter · 03/11/2014 18:04

It also depends if it's actually something you want to do or not- I would be prepared to spend £££ for a weekend away doing something I enjoy like horse riding or cycling .....but I just don't want to spend £££££ on alcohol and random activities like cheer leading or burlesque dancing

GingerSkin · 03/11/2014 21:26

Thanks Smurfingreat your hen do sounds great Smile I have in my head to do a sleep over at my house, all chip in £20 and buy nice food from an online food shop, everyone's tipple and some breakfast stuff for the morning. Just lots of drink, games and giggles. I hate going out, don't enjoy being on a dance floor boring old fart I know and like my own home / homely comforts! I've got space for people to stop over if I kick DP and dc out and I'm central to a fair few of my friends who all have children. Does that sound boring??

Think I might hand the idea over to my bridesmaids now for them to organise to make it more 'hip'!

LapsedTwentysomething · 03/11/2014 21:30

I don't think 'it's all getting out of hand'. Extravagant hen parties have been a thing for some years. However I do think that inviting large numbers of women on a weekend away costing hundreds of pounds to celebrate your forthcoming marriage smacks of egotism.