to be annoyed by friend claiming as lone parent?

[Tamzin125]

My friend and her partner have been together for about 7-8 years now, albeit on and off. She lives in a really nice area and has two kids. She claims all the benefits she possibly can on the premise that she's a "lone parent". But she's still with her boyfriend who's the father of both children. Okay he doesn't live with her but he still sees them almost every day, he has a good job, good enough to afford a posh expensive car and they eat out several times a week and go on holiday in the UK 2-3 times a year where she's told me she likes to save up enough to spend £100 per day.

DP and I live in a not so nice area and are currently struggling to pay the bills despite working every hour God sends. I'd love to live where she does but we simply can't afford it. We're lucky if we take DSS on one Sun holiday a year let alone three which are booked direct through the campsite. I don't mean to sound bitter but aibu to be pissed off she's claiming as a lone parent even though she's still with her bf?

I don't know why women have babies with shitty men but they do unfortunately. I know it is frustrating you that she is getting the best of both worlds it probably would me if iam honest but we only really see the surface,

Honestly, this thread has helped. Thrashing things out has helped me see just how lucky I am being able to come home at the end of most days (I sometimes work away) to my DP and DSS. Her situation still annoys me but not as much as it did before I posted, so thanks to all.

I see your annoyance in a way, however, if they are NOT living together, it is simply not fraud.

Think about the implications of what you are saying. Do you really want a situation where every woman is effectively forced to live with a man because no financial support from state?

Think of all the women who would be trapped in abusive relationships if this were the case. I know sometimes it stinks when situations like this arise, but do you want a situation where a woman is effectively told that if she forms a relationship with a man HE has to support her even if not living together?!

Forget -if you haven't already and you say wouldn't report anyway- the dwp angle because if they can both demonstrate living apart in different households, and are genuinely NOT living together, they aren't breaking the law. Anybody who disagrees with me on this here is simply incorrect.

And it's got EVERYTHING to do with whether or not you are living at the same address. The question asked is 'are you married to or living with somebody as if you are married?' Anybody who is not living with somebody is not committing fraud full stop. As for eating meals etc, this only supports evidence of them being a couple if the dwp have evidence that they are living in same household.

It doesn't matter if he she cooks for him every night-as long as they both maintain separate addresses where they pay their own bills, it's OK.

Sorry to go on but misinformation as provided in this thread irritates me as does the idea that women should have to depend on a (sometimes abusive) male because she opens her legs for him once in a while.

I can see how your circumstances OP might make you feel that it is unfair what your friend is doing. But don't let it eat you up inside and try and focus on what you like about your friend. YANBU - friends do things which irritate us sometimes - it must be hard working your arse off and struggling to make things better for your family. Your family sound close which is nice, it sounds like since you posted your frustrations you are feeling better about things, which is the point of doing it I guess :)

I can see your annoyance too, OP, but if your annoyance and the annoyance of others here were allowed to dictate government policy on benefits, I'm afraid that every woman who was in a relationship but NOT actually living with a man would be forced to depend on him financially.

Not only would this be a return to the old days where women had to depend on men even if she was in a non-financially linked relationship which was just about romance and sex, but it would also be very very hard to police because we'd have to have government enforcers who policed whether or not people had sex or a meal out together.

I think the 'are you actually living together' criteria is question enough. I actually think it is wrong that people pay taxes as individuals but can't claim certain benefits as individuals when down on their luck is wrong, but that is a different area of debate.

I'm afraid that every woman who was in a relationship but NOT actually living with a man would be forced to depend on him financially.

God forbid they'd depend on themselves financially instead of on a man or the state

If DH moved out I would get pretty much the same amount in benefits + CSA calculated maintenance as our household income now (and I wouldn't have to work 3 nights a week) plus DH would have more disposable income.
But. I feel it's way more important for the children to live full time with both parents, see us working etc than to have more moneu

Well you've already admitted that you don't know the full story so you're best keeping your nose out full stop really.

three words. nothing to report.

WooWooOwl, well I suppose it is best for everybody to be self-sufficient but that's not what this thread is about.

OP it makes no sense though.

You are pissed off enough to come on to MN and slate your friend and her boyfriend because you think they are diddling the system and yet you wouldn't do a damn thing about it if you did actually know 100% that someone was committing benefit fraud.

You are not prepared to do anything to actually aid in putting a stop to benefit fraud but you will act suitably outraged to the rest of the world.

For what it's worth your "friend" and her partner according to you brag about their situation an awful lot but at the same time are keeping their relationship on the quiet so that nobody actually knows they are together I would suggest you don't actually know the half of what their actual situation is and I wouldn't be taking your friends word on him contributing to bills either. Sounds to me like she would maybe tell this to someone who she considers a friend to save face as she would be terribly embarrassed to admit that he boyfriend and father of her children is a feckless twat who spends more on his car than he does on supporting his family.

That is obviously complete speculation but it makes a damn site more sense than what your garbled posts have.

That's the rule as it stands. If you think it's unfair then campaign to get the law changed.