to be annoyed by friend claiming as lone parent?

[Tamzin125]

My friend and her partner have been together for about 7-8 years now, albeit on and off. She lives in a really nice area and has two kids. She claims all the benefits she possibly can on the premise that she's a "lone parent". But she's still with her boyfriend who's the father of both children. Okay he doesn't live with her but he still sees them almost every day, he has a good job, good enough to afford a posh expensive car and they eat out several times a week and go on holiday in the UK 2-3 times a year where she's told me she likes to save up enough to spend £100 per day.

DP and I live in a not so nice area and are currently struggling to pay the bills despite working every hour God sends. I'd love to live where she does but we simply can't afford it. We're lucky if we take DSS on one Sun holiday a year let alone three which are booked direct through the campsite. I don't mean to sound bitter but aibu to be pissed off she's claiming as a lone parent even though she's still with her bf?

Will your life suddenly get easier if she moves him in and stops claiming? Will your life suddenly get easier if she faces lots of hassle and intrusive questions about her life?

Didn't think so.
I know nothing about the benefits my friends claim. They are my friends and as long as they treat their children well they stay my friends.

I would never ever report her, regardless of if it's benefit fraud. No my life wouldn't get any easier, no the lives of my friends who do have resident children and are struggling to make ends meet wouldn't get any easier. I just think it's morally wrong to claim when you shouldn't. Note I said morally, not legally. And yes I think the father is as bad - if not worse! He lives with his parents for free and you're right, he could just walk out and she'd be left claiming. As much as I'd love to live where she does, I much rather live where we do, struggling to make ends meet, knowing at the end of a long working day I can go home safe in the knowledge my DP and DSS when he's there will be there and still be there in the morning. I would always choose our relationship over money, even if it meant living off supernoodles so we could provide a roof over DSS's head and decent food for him etc. I wouldn't trade it for the world it just irks me she swans around admitting the government give her so much money because she chooses to have her DP live elsewhere. But perhaps she's not giving me the full story about her DP, perhaps he is just a shit she can't trust to stick around. If that is the case, then he's a complete bastard who should really step up and take responsibility for the kids he chose to make instead of expecting everyone else too.

Just to point out that you can be classed as a couple by DWP if you have financial links even if you live apart

There has to be rather more than just a link for that to hold up it would normally be things like a couple who would cohabit if one member did not work away and that sort of thing.

You can also not be considered to be living together as a couple even if you are under the same roof.

Lone parents are perfectly entitled to have none living together relationships they are also entitled to have long standing casual relationships.

needs as I've already said, I have no issue with a lone parent having a relationship. DSS's mum was technically classed as a lone parent (from a benefits point of view) when she was in a relationship and I think that's fine. But when it's a relationship with the father of your children who you've been with for 7-8yrs I think it's a bit different.

So just because you have a nice partner who steps up and you both enjoy living together then she should live with someone she clearly does not want to?

They actually live apart by choice they are not pretending to live apart or anything like that.

On and off for 5 of those years. She probably doesn't trust him OP. And even if she trusts him 100% she is maybe now quite used to it being her and her children at home and he visits, she maybe doesn't want to change that dynamic because it works for them. There is not a one size fits all when it comes to relationships.

So should they be forced to live together?

I was on lpa for years and i hate couples that pretend to be single. There is eniugh stigma against single parents, the genuine ones carry the shame of costing the state when couples defrauding the state appear as a couple and dont attract the judgement as nibody knows their financial business. Everybody quick to judge and scrutinise the finances of a woman that has no man around though!

Im talking generally thiugh not this couple. Women are alliwed to split up.

my tax

Are you paying shitloads of tax? Cause unless you are your tax probably wont cover the cost of your existence.

No they shouldn't be forced to live together. They used to live together but she was claiming as a lone parent. They got investigated (I didn't report her!) so he moved out and has lived at his parents ever since. This must've been about 3/4 years ago now. They weren't on and off for the first 5 years or so of their relationship. They split up for a little in the middle, for a few months. Then got back together but other than for close friends, she tells people they're not together despite conceiving baby no 2 after they apparently split up - though of course I recognise having sex doesn't mean you're together. She's told me and other close friends that they're together but are telling others they're not so they don't get investigated again.

Threads like this always bring out the "my tax" whingers. Your tax goes towards a lot of things.

Housing benefit is affected by maintenance payments btw.

Well that's a massive drip feed.

Alba you sound surprised.

Luiz i think maintenance up to a certain point must be disregarded for housing benefit as mine isnt affected.

My brother and sister in law behave in this manner. Utterly disgraceful and I have told them as much.

How nice for all families to have the bills paid and have your salary for extras and niceties.

They are morally reprehensible but playing by the letter of the law, rather than the spirit of it.

Joke is, is that my dh is away with work 3-4 nights a week so I more of a 'lone' parent than SIL, as BIL 'stays' over every night bar once a week.

I can no longer bring myself to speak to SIL & BIL over this.

Sorry didn't mean to drop feed. Drives me insane when people do that, so I do apologise.

Housing benefit is affected by maintenance payments btw.

No, it isn't. They changed this awhile back. I get HB, not remotely affected by maintenance, only my earnings.

OP - wow, now you casually drop in those little nuggets which you didn't think relevant to begin with I definitely, 100% believe you and don't think you've just embellished your story because we're not all agreeing with you

needs, not according to the guidelines I read. If there's evidence that the partner brings money into the house at all, it could be used as proof they are a couple.

Joke is, is that my dh is away with work 3-4 nights a week so I more of a 'lone' parent than SIL, as BIL 'stays' over every night bar once a week.

In that case, it is fraud because he stays over so often. They're technically living together. Not the same in the OP's 'friend's' case at all.

I'll go against the grain here. This woman's situation is precarious - what benefits look for is evidence of 'living together as man and wife' and having your own bills in your name isn't necessarily enough. They look at what other people think - neighbours, friends, family. Do they shop together? Does she cook for him and do they eat as family on a regular basis? Where does he do his washing? Do they go on holiday together (yes - several times a year). On top of that, she has managed to have 2 children with the man without making a commitment but he doesn't actually have his own home to go home to - he goes home to someone else's home. Is he paying rent at his parent's house and can he prove this? Is it a reasonable 'market rate' rent or just a few quid here and there? If he is not paying child maintenance then that would point to them not having separate finances - he must, surely, be supporting his children financially?

It all points to benefit fraud in my opinion and I think she would struggle if investigated.

For what it's worth, I'm a single parent, I believe single parents should be 'allowed' relationships whilst claiming benefits but there is a line that needs to be drawn at some point. This reads to me like the line was crossed some time ago but in the end, all that matters is what the benefits fraud people think.

Well according to SIL, they were investigated and it was all ok?? Make of that what you will

As I say I no longer speak to them

whisk think what you want. As I said I apologise and it genuinely does drive me insane when people drip feed. I'm ill, sleep deprived and not thinking straight so as I said, I apologise for not giving the full story at first.

magpie that's ridiculous! How can they morally say that's okay, especially when he stays there all bar one night!!

fedup she rarely cooks, but he does often pay for them to eat out / get a takeaway together. In terms of evening meals, they do eat together whether it's at home or out. Daytime not so much because he works - same as most together families. He pays bugger all at his parents - not a single dime for rent, bills or feed, which he often brags about. Tbh the guy's a tosser in that respect. I don't like him but he does pay for clothes, holidays, food, general day to day stuff, bills at her house (though they're in her name).

I think the line can be tricky to determine, at what point are you classed as a couple for benefits, especially in the case when the new partner isn't the father (or mother) of your children. But in this case, the line (for me at least) has been most certainly crossed.

My ex from whom I have been separated from for around two years makes it appear to others that we are in a relationship when we are not.

On pick ups and drop offs, we could look incredibly close. But that's because of his EA and I have to go along with certain aspects of his behaviour for my own safety.

Issues I would probably glaze over with friends.

What do you want OP? Your mind is made up. What is it you want out of this thread?