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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by friend claiming as lone parent?

113 replies

Tamzin125 · 01/11/2014 16:36

My friend and her partner have been together for about 7-8 years now, albeit on and off. She lives in a really nice area and has two kids. She claims all the benefits she possibly can on the premise that she's a "lone parent". But she's still with her boyfriend who's the father of both children. Okay he doesn't live with her but he still sees them almost every day, he has a good job, good enough to afford a posh expensive car and they eat out several times a week and go on holiday in the UK 2-3 times a year where she's told me she likes to save up enough to spend £100 per day.

DP and I live in a not so nice area and are currently struggling to pay the bills despite working every hour God sends. I'd love to live where she does but we simply can't afford it. We're lucky if we take DSS on one Sun holiday a year let alone three which are booked direct through the campsite. I don't mean to sound bitter but aibu to be pissed off she's claiming as a lone parent even though she's still with her bf?

OP posts:
williaminajetfighter · 01/11/2014 20:49

OP sadly there are shed loads of people who play the system, sometimes justifying it as 'taxpayers who deserve it' - although they will always take out more than they put in.

Why would you want to be friends with someone who has such a different moral compass than you? I would stop contact if it bothered you so much.

raltheraffe · 01/11/2014 21:51

If it bothers you, report to DWP who will investigate whether they are financially a couple. It is nothing to do with whether he is registered at a different address. They look at bank accounts, who does the food shopping etc.

If irritates me that you are complaining on here to a group of MNetters who are powerless to do anything about this ?fraud. The only people who have the authority to do anything are DWP.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/11/2014 22:04

Sounds a miserable way for them to live. And he sounds a right pratt. So the moral of the story is that you can either go home to your lovely husband and Ds's or go home and be alone except when The Pratt comes over but have more money.

Hmmm - know which one I'd choose.

If irritates me that you are complaining on here to a group of MNetters who are powerless to do anything about this ?fraud. The only people who have the authority to do anything are DWP.
Ummm - you do get what AIBU is about right? I once started a thread moaning about the fact that the spotty teenage lads next door had now turned into shirtless bronzed gods with nipple rings (it was summer!) and kept getting me flustered by saying "hi" over the fence!

Doubtfuldaphne · 01/11/2014 22:06

She can't have that much of a nice life if the father of her dc's won't even live with her. It's a weird way to live, they need to grow up and the man should pay his way instead of relying on benefits. Im sure he's more than capable.

raltheraffe · 01/11/2014 22:15

The reason it pisses me off mumoftwo is if I knew the identity of a fraudster I would report them...and I cannot report OP's "friend" as I do not have any details eg name, address

Benefit fraud is something that really pisses me off.

AlbaGuBrath · 01/11/2014 22:26

The OP has said she wouldn't be reporting even if she knew 100% it was fraud though so I don't see the point in the thread personally Confused

raltheraffe · 01/11/2014 22:34

Spot on Alba, I second that.

stereostar · 01/11/2014 22:41

OP, you are very jealous person and a terrible friend...

Original poster
Tamzin125 · 01/11/2014 22:42

The point of the thread is sometimes we just need to rant about things, get things out there. I wouldn't report her because I have no idea of the consequences. Perhaps nothing would happen, but perhaps she'd be in huge trouble and have goodness knows what happen to her. Though the claiming pisses me off it doesn't mean I don't care about her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tamzin125 · 01/11/2014 22:48

Thanks stereo, straight for the personal attack. Sorry but you know nothing about me. Just because something about someone pisses me off, it doesn't make me a jealous terrible person / friend. I've already said I wouldn't swap my life for hers, I wouldn't swap my life for anything. Sure I'd like to live where she does, but I'd rather be here with DP and DSS than where she lives without and I'm certainly not jealous of her situation.

Everyone has things that piss them off. Just because her (IMO) wrongly claiming is the thing that pisses me off, that doesn't give you the right to call me terrible and jealous!

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 01/11/2014 22:52

Blame the system, not your friend. People will always take advantage when it's there for the taking unfortunately.

Iggi999 · 01/11/2014 22:53

I wouldn't. My friend wouldn't. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Iggi999 · 01/11/2014 22:54

...should say, my friends , I do have more than one (honest!)

WorriedMutha · 01/11/2014 22:54

YANBU. They are a pair of chancers. Even if she is within the letter of the law, she is not acting within the spirit of it.I have no truck with the posters saying you are jealous. It's like saying your jealous of bankers or tax dodgers because you can't share their ill gotten gains. This is not what benefits were intended for and your friend's behaviour serves only to discredit the system at the expense of those who are really in need.
I would ditch her and I would probably tell her exactly why.
For those who think this thread is pointless, aren't all AIBU threads pointless?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/11/2014 23:02

Tamzin if he doesn't live with her she is classed as a lone parent even if he does do everything for her. I agree it's wrong as even when I was in school I never used to see parents from divorced families as lone parents. I mean their other parent was still there just didn't live with them.
There is a big difference to being a lone parent who has no help to a separated parent who still their children on a regular

stereostar · 01/11/2014 23:04

well...don't let my opinion bother you really...I just happen to read your topic and this is my opinion on it...I do think you are terrible as a friend...no way I would slag my friend off on any forum if you get me...

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/11/2014 23:04

OP why aren't you complaining that you are having to work all of Gods hours to earn a basic wage?

Why is your wrath directed at a family whose circumstances you really don't know the details of (I know a family who could have been described the way you do but the truth was her DP was a tosser who couldn't keep his dick in his pants and rather enjoyed the 'free life' of living elsewhere).

Another option for you is to move out and live in the naice area with your DH living eslwhere and become a single benefit claiming parent yourself of course.

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/11/2014 23:07

'She's told me the only reason he doesn't live with her is because she'd lose her benefits.'

Of course she's saying that. What else can she say 'My bloke is just using me for sex and a cooked meal, but he's the best bloke I think I'm capable of getting because I have 2 young children and no self-esteem'.

Mrsjayy · 01/11/2014 23:10

He sounds a complete twat and may be she is protecting herself but it goes on all the time and it is really annoying but I wouldn't blame anybody if they had an unreliable partner or on off relationship

MexicanSpringtime · 01/11/2014 23:11

One of the worst and most destruction sins is envy. You report her, though it doesn't sound like she is doing anything wrong, then she gets fucked, but your situation doesn't improve.

Maybe you could put your energies into seeing what is wrong in your situation and trying to fix it.

I can only say that if she was my friend I would be glad that she is getting on so well, one less person in this world to worry about.

stereostar · 01/11/2014 23:14

*One of the worst and most destruction sins is envy. You report her, though it doesn't sound like she is doing anything wrong, then she gets fucked, but your situation doesn't improve.

Maybe you could put your energies into seeing what is wrong in your situation and trying to fix it.

I can only say that if she was my friend I would be glad that she is getting on so well, one less person in this world to worry about.*

this is more like it...would love a friend like you :)

stereostar · 01/11/2014 23:16

aaaarrrgghhh...^&*$FDFu this bold &%%%^^ :))))

Original poster
Tamzin125 · 01/11/2014 23:19

starlight there's nothing I can do about my situation at the moment. We both have jobs we greatly enjoy as well as DP working a not so great second job. The pay is so low at the moment as we've not long started but it won't always be that way.

mrsjayy yeah maybe you're right. But then, why have another child with him if he's such a shit...

OP posts:
BackOnlyBriefly · 01/11/2014 23:33

What would happen if someone went to the benefits office and said "Look, There's this guy. He doesn't live with me and doesn't support me, but I'd like to officially make him my DP for benefit purposes".

Surely they'd have to say no.

BackOnlyBriefly · 01/11/2014 23:37

Then again we could argue that a single woman should find a guy (any guy as long as he's not on benefits) to support her to save the tax payers some money.

Come to think of it, wasn't that the system in old days?

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