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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House party with alcohol, DD 15. wwyd?

100 replies

Gymbob · 01/11/2014 08:33

She's been invited to her first house party. The parents are supervising as there is a 9 year old brother inviting some of his friends. All ok. Then she casually mentioned last night that they are allowing alcohol to be consumed in the garden. I was like . She said it's ok I won't get drunk. She has definitely never drunk any alcohol before. I have got the parents number to ring. The party is tonight. All the kids attending the party are under age.

She didn't have to tell me that there will be booze there, but as I'm picking DD and her friend up it may have become apparent.

DH says we can't condone that, and I agree.

Am I over reacting?

Any opinions at all would be fab, before I wade in with my size nines

OP posts:

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 01/11/2014 08:42

Yes i would say you are over reacting. Kids do generally start having alcohol at parties from this age. All my friends and i did, with parent supervision. I'm sure the parents will keep an eye on it. Fairplay to your dd for telling you, especially considering you don't have any sort of relaxed attitude to it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/11/2014 08:44

Ds3-15 went to a Halloween party last night, before he left I did say if there's booze there I'd prefer him not to touch any, he agreed, is sensible and came home absolutely fine.

However, some of his friends were very drunk; one girl in particular was legless, I would have been livid and would speak to the parents who were 'supervising'.

You're not over reacting, I've been here with my older two, ds1 in particular had the odd night from hell getting pissed but that started after he began 6th form.

I was doing stuff like this at 15 but these days it seems so much more dangerous.

Speak to the parents without doubt.

VeryPunny · 01/11/2014 08:47

I think I agree with your DH. Do you know the parents well? That would influence my decision.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/11/2014 08:48

Yanbu at all, they are 15, not 17/18, this is meant to be a kids party not an adult one. Totally irresponsible IMHO. Yes we did it when we were young, but the parents are knowingly supplying alcohol which I think is wrong. It's a different thing to sneak into the offy and buy some Hooch behind parents back. Or to throw party when parents are out and not knowing.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/11/2014 08:49

Some at this party are even younger fgs, no no no from me

Aeroflotgirl · 01/11/2014 08:52

Why they need alcohol for chikdrens party I don't know. There is an age limit to alcohol for a reason.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 01/11/2014 08:52

I'd say its much worse to sneak off. In my experience thats when people got the most drunk. Its much safer when alcohol distribution is being controlled by the parents. My friends and i never got legless at parent attended parties.

Janethegirl · 01/11/2014 08:52

It depends on if you think the parents will monitor the alcohol consumption. One small bottle of beer or alcopop per child over the age of 14 (arbitrary age I know) seems ok to me, but a free for all involving spirits, no way!!

Original poster

Gymbob · 01/11/2014 08:52

the parents are not buying the booze, they have said the kids can bring it if they want to, and they can't drink it in the house.

I don't know the parents at all, but I have googled the street to see what it looks like

OP posts:

avocadotoast · 01/11/2014 08:52

I think it'll be fine tbh. Obviously it depends on the type of people the parents are (as there's a difference between "we'll 'supervise' but let the kids get shitfaced" and "we'll supervise and make sure they only have a couple"). I'm sure I went to similar events at that age.

Ticktockblock · 01/11/2014 08:53

My nephew and his friend have been having a few beers from 14/15 at family parties. I wasn't sure what I though until he came on holiday with us and had a beer each night. I started drinking and going out clubbing age 15/16 and my mum trusted me and never questioned me. This made me be honest with her and she always knew where I was.

LightastheBreeze · 01/11/2014 08:54

15 is about when they start drink alcohol, even if they don't tell you they will still do it, the best behaved children will also. Best thing to do is to encourage, not sure if thats the right word, beer and cider so they don't drink the much stronger stuff. Alcopops are very popular with this age group also. DS got very drunk and sick when he was 15, an older boy gave him and his friends vodka, I think it did put him off a bit but not a lot.

Unfortunately the years between 15 and 18 can be very hard iirc and this party sounds fairly normal if there is supervised alcohol.

Pilgit · 01/11/2014 08:56

You probably are a bit. It's an awkward age. Not quite a child not quite an adult. I probably will have given my DC alcohol by that age as we're quite continental in our approach to it and were both taught to drink sensibly. She is 15 and going to house parties. Alcohol is likely to be a factor. The fact that she has told you shows you have a trusting and respectful relationship. You may need to reciprocate and trust her to follow through with the trust and good judgement she has shown so far. Doesn't mean she can't know you're not happy about it though.

TallulahTwinkletoes · 01/11/2014 08:56

Underage for what? You don't have to be 18 to drink... Just to purchase... In a licensed building. At home it's 5 or something similar.

15 year olds drink. Getting 'legless' isn't good at any age and perhaps what's needed for your DD is a talk about responsible drinking. The severe consequences that can occur if she doesn't take it seriously.

She's of that age where she will be introduced to alcohol. Just teach her to handle it well she doesn't have to drink til she's sick, she doesn't have to drink at all but if you tell her she can't and over react she won't be sensible. So they say...

Aeroflotgirl · 01/11/2014 08:58

You need to see whether parents are responsible and will allow kids to get totally rat arsed, or will they keep the alcohol and allow kids to have a couple of small glasses, and give the alcohol back to kids at the end of the night. If you don't know the parents, call them up and ask them how they are going to do this.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/11/2014 09:00

Bring it if they want to but not drink it in the house sounds like almost non-existent supervision to me.
Allowing teens a rationed, beer or cider or similar is one thing but this sounds like a really laissez faire approach from parents who have been told it's normal.
I would be having a chat with the parents to see if they plan to stop over consumption

MajesticWhine · 01/11/2014 09:01

We have this issue tonight as well with 14yo DD. I suspect there will be alcohol at a party she is going to but I don't think DD would drink it. I personally wouldn't wade in. I think it is quite commonplace for alcohol to start cropping up at this age. I don't particularly approve but I'm not going to make a fuss, will just have a quick word with DD about being sensible.

cricketballs · 01/11/2014 09:02

I would think this is the best environment for the introduction of alcohol given there is adult supervision. As a secondary teacher I hear a lot about vodka filled nights that could easily lead to God knows what.

I am a bit on the googling the street

KatieKaye · 01/11/2014 09:04

The parents won't have drinking in the hous (where they could supervise) but are okay with teens drinking in the garden? I don't understand that one at all

If you are okay with your 15 year old drinking and are hosting a party, then it makes sense that there's a parent keeping an eye on things. This pair sound like they want to hold a cool party but don't want to take any responsibility. that would make me wary.

Does DD drink at all? What is her attitude to alcohol? Does she have a friend also going so they could "keep an eye" on each other? That's the sort of questions I'd be thinking about before deciding. But the parents' attitude would be a major concern.

And I bet the neighbours will love drunken teens necking back booze in the garden and getting louder and louder!

TBH it's not so much the drink as the party parents that would concern me. They just don't seem very responsible

Balderdabble · 01/11/2014 09:07

You have to let her go to the party - all that will happen if you don't is that next time, she won't be honest with you. I would have a really honest conversation with her - tell her that you would prefer it if she didn't drink at all and explain the reasons why. But that you trust her (assuming you do) to make her own decisions and if she does drink then make sure she knows about sensible limits (and that there will be consequences for not sticking to them). And how to protect her friends if they aren't making sensible decisions. And that she can always call you if she or they need an adult.

TallulahTwinkletoes · 01/11/2014 09:08

I imagine they only want dink in the garden in case there is any vomit on their nice floors and items getting broken in the house. It does seem strange but even well behaved teenagers break items. I'll never live down breaking my friends mums fancy vase and spilling soil all over her white carpets. I have no idea how it happened but it did. I was 17.

I don't think we can tell how responsible they are from the op...

LightastheBreeze · 01/11/2014 09:10

This is the age when they start to go camping in the summer and take beer and cider and stay up all night and roll in the next morning iirc. I'm so glad those days are over and DS has come through it all unscathed

Honeezreturnofthelivingdead · 01/11/2014 09:10

DS went to his first house party at 15. He took 4 bottles of beer which I bought. The mum was there. Everyone seemed to have a good time. I picked him and 2 mates up at midnight and they wernt drunk.
I know its wrong but it happens these days. Hes not been to another house party since(now almost 17) but has the occasional bottle of cider at his sports club. TBH I dont think hes keen on the taste! Prefers a pint of milk
I think you have to trust your DD and go from there.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/11/2014 09:11

Which end of 15 is she, ds3 only turned 15 a few weeks ago and is one of the oldest, some of his drunk mates from last night are still 14.

R4roger · 01/11/2014 09:16

dd is almost 15 and went to a party this week where she said they had to bring alcohol.
I bought her a bottle of turns out Alcopops. Quite cheap. 4% strength. I was worried but it turns out she shared most of it around as it was lovely, and I chose this as it was a lower strength than cider. I would have been drinking Woodpecker at this age, which is same strength, if not more.

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