To hate faffers everywhere!

[Freshlysqueezed]

Why are there so many faffers -buying cinema tickets, going to the Post office etc - someone in front always has to have an issue and take twice as long as they should, drivers taking 10 minutes to get in a space 4 times the size of their car, people taking forever over a simple food order - I could go on!

You're all too nice. This kind of activity is titting/dicking/arsing/fannying about. Faffing does not cut it.

DH tits about. It drives me mad. 15 minutes to leave the house because he is "checking" things. What the fuck is he fucking checking?!?!?!?

BIL & SIL tit about so much it makes DH seem like a crack commando. Stayed with them once and we were all getting ready to go out. I shit you not, it took then TWO HOURS! It took me 5 mins for hair, 5 mins for make up, 5 mins to put dress, tights & jewellery on.

I'm getting ragey.

DH is the King of the Faffers.

I now refuse to get me or the DC ready until he is by the door with his shoes and coat on with his keys in his hand.

One time we were waiting for him to go to ILs and heard thumping from upstairs. Upon investigation he was in the loft sorting through the Christmas decorations.

IT WAS APRIL!

Millie has already mentioned escalator faffers (what were you planning to do when you got off, take a siesta??) but I'd like to extend that to 'all exits' faffers - doors (especially revolving doors for maximum effect), lifts (please just get out and CLEAR THE EXIT before the doors try to shut on the rest of us trying to get out on the same floor), cars (DM and DMIL, both manage to get half out before needing to get back in to check they haven't left anything - despite having not actually unpacked their handbags whilst in the car in case they lose anything )... but escalator faffers in airports at busy times are probably my personal favourite. Get on escalator, stand there staring blankly ahead, reach end, look surprised at being chucked off so abruptly (perhaps they didn't know there was an end to the magical moving stairs?) and then stop at the foot/top to have a look around to work out where they are and where they need to go next (why did you decide to get on that escalator in the first place? You must have had some clue about your onward destination, surely?) and then get irate with the pile of people pushing behind them for being "rude" and say things like "there's no need to push!" Yes there bloody is, the escalator is chucking everyone behind you off too and you are physically blocking any chance of us moving past you and we can't all run backwards on the bloody moving stairs while you decide if you made the right escalator choice and so help me, look back at the escalator you've just got off (barely) as if you can then go back down it like stairs!!!

And breathe. The only way I survive all this is by keeping entertained at (and restraining) DH who has an even shorter tolerance and mutters away with murderous looks. This is fun in airports as it starts as soon as we arrive, so by the time we reach an escalator, on average about 89 violent murders have been narrowly averted

My DH is a bloody nightmare of a faffer. We'll all be ready to go (and usually in the car) before he'll start his routine of checking every fucking thing in the house: the patio door that's never been unlocked in the entire time we've lived in this house (because we use the kitchen door instead); yes, it's still locked . Then he gets annoyed at us for 'rushing' him because that makes him take longer. If you know it takes you 20 minutes longer than everyone else to leave the house, you should start getting ready earlier than them. Don't faff around upstairs until everyone else has coats and shoes on and is on their way out the door before you even start!

DS1 used to do the taking ages in getting out if the car when dropped at school. I made him sit with his bag on his lap and be ready to go straight out the door as soon as I stopped. He gets himself to school these days.

My DM and I stayed with her sister last year for a few weeks when on hols in England. Not once did we leave the house before 12 noon whether it was for a day out or just a trip to tesco. We tried to work out what exactly the faffing involved, other than making her porridge and getting dressed. We were unable to fathom it out. To be fair, DM and I are early risers and aunty gets up at 9 but really, 3 solid hours before we could set off?

How do all you efficient people survive being married to faffers?

I'm not sure I am that efficient (although I'm certainly not a faffer). I just like to ensure that my inefficiency inconveniences me alone. I don't like to inflict it on other.

Ah yes, the efficient ones. The ones who drive up your arse trying to make you do 90; the ones who push their handbag into your back when standing in the queue at the post office; the ones who try to edge around you in the line for the roller coaster. You say efficient, I say impatient. You'll be first in line for your funeral.

me who is always ten minuets early with a map, snacks and a first aid kit
Yes this is me married to DH who is another that starts to get ready to leave the house at the time I have told him we are leaving.
You just know don't you that they are going to disappear into the bathroom with a book 2 minutes before you have to go. And still not dressed. Then when we finally get in the car there is the litany "have we got x,have we got y have we got z?"
Yes. I packed them while you were faffing

DS1 is the anti faffer though. He will arrange to go out at 2pm. At 1.55 he will still be in his underwear. At 2 on the dot he will fly downstairs shouting LET'S GO!

I work in a shop and I LIKE faffers... they give me a chance to slow down and catch up at the till. They are invariably polite and friendly too.

What I hate are the organised but in a hurry folk... They plonk the money on the surface - rudely - what is wrong with giving it to me - and make to head off without even allowing me to scan the item sometimes.

Often they tutt when they come across a faffer in front of them.

• that gets my goat and makes me into the slowest, chattiest check out assistant in town...

simple pleasures..

Secretsquirrels- you are wither married to my husband or our husbands are twins separated at birth.

The 'have you picked up x and y' drives me mad' Yes I have because I am bloody organised and you are not. Heaven help us if I have forgotten HIS wallet!

No. They're the aggressive arseholes, argymargey. It's not an either/or situation where you must pick whether you want to inconvenience everyone else or be a complete arsehole.

There are also a lot of people silently seething as they maintain a safe distance behind you while you crawl along the road, or who silently wish awful things to happen to you when you faff about at the post office. That's what most people are doing.

Airport faffing is bad enough, but it extends to the plane too. During the interminable wait at the gate to get on, I organise my hand luggage to take out anything I want during the flight (book, water bottle etc) and put in a small carrier bag. So when I get on the plane and to my seat all I have to do is extract the carrier bag, sling my luggage and coat in the overhead locker, sit down and put the bag under the seat in front. Do up the seat belt, job done.

However, I seem always to get stuck behind faffers of epic proportions who stand in the aisle so no-one can get past while they decide whether they want their jacket on or off, handbag up or down etc. and then thirty seconds later decide they have forgotten something and they repeat the whole process while the cabin crew make bland "please take your seat as soon as possible" so we can close the bloody door and take off and yes we mean you Mrs lavender cardigan in row 22

Ugh I hate faffers and am surrounded by them.

I despair going out for lunch with my mother. It takes twenty minutes to get her out the house, usually a trip back to check she's shut the door properly and then she'll spend ages looking at the menu, and she knows what she's having, she has the same thing every single time we go to this place, she's been talking about how she's looking forward to her steak pie, because they do lovely steak pie, don't they clash, I do like a good steak pie.

Then the waiter/rests comes over and asks what she'd like - panic stations! She gets like a rabbit in headlights, considers six or seven different options. Waiter asks if she'd like more time. She says no, no, I'll have................expectant pause........steak pie! And then spends the time until the food comes wondering if she made the right choice.

There was one at the dentist this week trying to make an appointment, while the queue of people behind him got steadily longer.

Receptionist: She works Wed Thurs Fri, would you like this Wed?
Man: No I can't do this week.
R: Next wed?
M: What about Monday?
R: She works Wed Thurs and Fri
M: No I'm away next week. When's next
R: November X
M: No can't do that. How about December
R: Remember there's 2 weeks between the appointment and when you come back.
M: Oh. What about next week?
R: Wednesday?
M: No I can't do Wednesday

and on and on it went for over 10 minutes. I was very impressed by how calm the receptionist was; I'd have given up on him and told him to call when he had his diary.

This is a great thread. I'm so glad that there are so many like minded people out there. Makes me feel less alone ha..
I'm sure it's been mentioned, but my absolute worst type of faffer is the slow driver type. Y'know the ones that crawl along oblivious to the queue of traffic a mile long behind them.
They are always the type of drivers who seem to get flummoxed by roundabouts, are of a certain age, and always seem to clutter up the roads on Sunday.

No-one's mentioned voucher-faffers yet. You know, they stand at the till with their 300 vouchers trying each and every one to see if they work despite being out of date or not having bought the product the Voucher relates to or then deciding that actually they meant to get the product the voucher relates to so could one of the assistants get it for them.

OMG restaurant decisions!!! I could just get up and throttle DP on the spot. Endless, endless bellyaching and agonising about what he wants. Usually getting up and running after the waiter once he's decided, to change his mind. Then it comes and he's sad because someone else's looks nicer I just want to scream "Don't you feel lucky to be eating out at all??? Could you not have a thought for everyone who's waiting for you and the poor waiter who has stuff to be getting on with? Could you not just suck it up even if you didn't make the exact right choice" AARRRGGGGHHH.

Actually if I analyse DP's faffery a bit, I can see that it must arise from a terrible deep fear of making the wrong decision or not having everything sorted, or not wanting to fail socially so having to say goodbye to each person etc etc. In a weird way maybe the faffer has a greater need to be in control than the efficient, just-get-it-done person.

That tv programme where they turn up with 6 trolleys of shopping and a million vouchers in a bid to get $5k of stuff they'll store in a garage and never use for $0.50 brings me out in hives. Think of the poor normal shoppers.

DP is a faffer. It takes me 20 minutes from the time I get out of bed to the time i walk out of the house in the mornings. It takes him 2 hours.

He's downstairs now, washing up. A job I can do in about 5 minutes, takes him 20.

We'll arrange to go somewhere for the day. I'm ready, shoes and coat on, and he decides he needs a cup of tea! Which of course takes 5 minutes to make, then he fancies a biscuit so has to inspect each packet in the cupboard, and he can't drink it standing up... Now he's learned to put it in his travel mug and bring it with him or face my fury.

DH has two jobs in the house. Washing up and bins.
Every week I remind him that it's bin night and every week he faffs until bedtime and then fails to do the bins. That means they have to go out first thing instead.
But the washing up really winds me up. I start cooking, and therefore we finish eating at about the same time each day, about 7.45. There is a programme we both like which starts at 8.30.
Rather than washing up straight after we have finished eating he leaves it. I'll remind him that the program starts at 8.30 and he will want to get washed up by then. At 8.20 he'll have stopped faffing and decide to wash up. Why not do it straight away?

Disco my dad used to do that to me before leaving for school. 3 minutes before we needed to go, he'd decide to sit down and drink another cup of tea. My school was 8 minutes drive away, and a further 2 minutes on to his office where he could have all the cups of tea he wanted. Every day I'd have to creep into the back of assembly, and a couple of times a week would be punished for being late. As an adult I'm ridiculously punctual to the point that friends have had to ask me to try and be on time because they can't cope with me turning up at their houses 15 minutes before arranged I get properly stressed out if I'm going to be more than a couple of minutes late to even the loosest of social arrangements!

My partner is a faffer. It is one of the reasons I am seriously contemplating leaving him.

I love sonourous s description of her faffer father my step dad is like this, right down to the making of a cup of coffee if he is feeling a bit rushed!
I do agree with what justashopgirl says about the Fafferarti being nicer in shops though. Often what the efficient types call faffing, faffer might call " being friendly".

I went through a faffing phase.
When my dcs were tiny and I was sleep deprived, I was brain dead- I kept forgetting how things worked, ticket machines ATMs were a mystery despite using them everyday. I'd read the instructions again and again but could make no sense of what I read.
I begun to get dizzy on escalators and just couldn't get on and off quickly as of old.

Apologies if any of you super sharp people were behind me giving me the daggers for my, er, incompetence.

The advantage of being a temporary faffer was that I learned not to judge people on the basis of their organisational skills/ speed.

To forgive and forget is a lifelong skill, and gets your blood pressure nice and low!

It takes all kinds of people to make society, and a lot of people have hidden conditions and problems.
Some people are lonely and want to chat to the cashier- it's one of the high points of their day.
Some people are only able to use the loo if they relax, which may take time.

May I suggest learning to let go of the idea that the world runs on greased wheels, and be a little tolerant of those who find they aren't or don't want to be a cog.

It doesn't mean that I'm not efficient if I'm polite to a cashier, or tolerant of everyone who is confused by systems and machines, or finds it difficult to preform on demand on escalators or in toilets.

Most people are doing their best maybe it's your challenge in life to learn how to tolerate those who seem to prefer and need a slower pace.