MIL refuses to use DC's correct surname

[tigrou]

(first-time AIBU poster - long-time lurker)
DH and I come from different countries, and live in his. Our DC have both our surnames, to reflect their dual nationality and identity, and pay tribute to both our families. MIL absolutely never uses their full name, only ever giving them DH's surname. Even when, for example, I have just dictated her an email address using their full (correct) surname, she then wrote their names with just DH's surname.

AIBU to see this as a deliberate snub? As if, in her mind, me and my background are totally incidental to the life of our children?

We've never discussed why we chose to give our DC both surnames with MIL, but AIBU to expect her to respect our choice without justifying it to her? It's their name, it's on their birth certificate, surely that should be enough?

I wonder what all the children who are now being given double-barrelled names will do when they have children if their OH is also double barrelled. Will we have quadruple barrelled names??

Probably not. I'd imagine the most likely scenario is they'd be given one parent's double barrelled name or a double barrelled name comprised of one name from each parent's surname.

Might be a pain for future genealogists tracing family trees but a much better system in my opinion.

We assumed that our DC would come up with their own name by DB one of their names with their OH. Certainly this is what DD and her bf plan to do. They just can't decide which order to pick.
DS got married this summer and new DIL has taken OUR name. It is bizarre. Why would you drop your name for your MIL's name? It has only just started not to grate when her statuses update on FB.

No-one needs a name 23 letters long.

My name is 23 letters long, btw, and I've never dropped any of it, neither have I ever had a problem with it.

@tallulah. I wonder what your MIL though about you taking her name? I'm sure it's more common to take your husbands name, which is what she's done. If she realized it was "YOUR" name she'd probably have run a mile, you sound most unpleasant.

suefla62, well I didn't, did I? I kept my own name, despite everyone insisting I should be Mrs DH, and we db when we had DC1.

So for 30+ years the only people in the world with our surname have been our own nuclear family. I am not the 2nd/3rd/4th Mrs DHname, but now there are 2 x Mrs Myname-Hisname.

Of course DIL knows it's my name, why wouldn't she? What a stupid thing to say. Even my DM and the DCs think it is weird that DIL has taken on the whole name. The upside is I suppose that any DGC will carry on the dynasty.

I wouldn't worry too much as long as the children know their name/s it doesn't really matter provided official documentation and schools use the correct variant. They will correct her themselves when they are older

It would certainly annoy me and she's clearly making a point that she doesn't recognise your (joint) decision to double barrel so she's going to do it her way.

I'm not sure how far I'd go... Probably ask her nicely to use their correct name. If she doesn't, then tell the children to call her "Granny tigrou" until she starts.

Or warn her that anything that arrives incorrectly addressed is returned to sender.

And don't get into an argument justifying yourself to her. You wont win and you don't have to.

I'd be getting your DH to tell her in no uncertain terms that she starts using their proper name, OR you will consider changing their surname to just that from their mum. As she seems to have such trouble remembering it, perhaps it would be best if her grandchildren just had one :)