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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it offensive to be reffered to as "Goldilocks"

107 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 04:50

This actually happened a while ago and it's been bothering me ever since. I genuinely don't know whether I over reacted here.

I was in my town's main shopping centre and walked past a stand promoting a charity (can't remember what for, possibly Syrian children) and the bloke yelled out to me "hey Goldilocks, can you come for a chat?". It immeadiately got my back up and a snapped at him- something along the lines of "how dare you speak to me like that" and carried on into the shop.

I calmed down and realised that reaction probably wasn't that helpful (and he only looked about 18 bless him) so I went back to explain. I told him that it sounded really sexist and that it's offensive. He replied that he does it to everyone- men included- to get attention. I then said that even so, it's not nice to focus in on an aspect of someone's personal appearance- how would he like it if I called out "hey beardy piercing face" or something to that effect. I pointed out that what he singles out might be that one thing a person is insecure about- and that not everyone will have the confidence I do to confront him, so he may be unwittingly upsetting people.

He told me he gets perhaps one complaint every couple of days about his approach, and he needs to be different to get attention. He promised to take my comments on board. Tbh He seemed like a really nice lad doing what I imagine is a difficult job- but I just don't think that approach is acceptable.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BestIsWest · 29/10/2014 09:12

YANBU OP. Well done. It is sexist. I doubt very much he'd use it to call a man whatever he says.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 29/10/2014 09:13

It's irritating although would prefer that to the bag lady comment! The red was a herring. Grin

I really really hate being told to 'cheer up it might never happen love' a bloke said that to me just after my lovely mil died so I replied ' it already has'

shut him up.

Never ever respond to chuggers. Who the actual fuck would give their bank details to a stranger!

I give my money to the lovely ex serviceman collecting outside our supermarket.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 29/10/2014 09:14

And I don't believe for a minute he shouts that to any bloke. That's a lie.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 29/10/2014 09:16

Sash can you imagine?

"Hey! Rumplestiltskin!"

or

"Hey! Evil King!"

Wolfbasher · 29/10/2014 09:32

I hate being shouted at in the street. I am deaf, and it just creates a massively awkward situation that I don't want to deal with. I only want to be shouted at in life-or-death situations.

Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 09:37

@sashh- That was kind of my main point to him. Any personal comment could potentially upset people. You have no idea who that person is or what's going on in their life. And I do still think it's casually sexist whether he meant it that way or not. I doubt he'd have spoken to me like that if I was a bloke.

I can see what people are saying about that approach getting more attention, but I really think people are either interested in the charity or they're not regardless of how you approach them. What's wrong with "hello madam, can I have a word?"

OP posts:
jasper · 29/10/2014 09:57

very unreasonable

Aridane · 29/10/2014 10:06

YABU. And I don't see that it is a 'very personal comment' or why it would provoke the same degree of irritation as commenting on your boobs.

WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 10:07

Good grief, it never fails to amaze me the trivial rubbish some people really get het up about on here.

YABU. Irritating, maybe. Offensive? There are 100 things in this World I can think of that we should get offended over. This is not one of them.

PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 10:15

i don't think men making women feel uncomfortable by shouting things about their personal appearance at them is ever a trivial thing. and people can be offended by big as well as little things at the same time - we're complicated folks with big enough brains to care about more than one thing at once

ChelsyHandy · 29/10/2014 10:17

YANBU OP. Some people think its ok to have strange comments about your appearance directed at you if you are blond and fair skinned and female, while condemning similar comments to people of other appearances.

I was equally started to discover that quite a lot of posters on here think racial discrimination laws only apply to different races, not different nationalities and cultures.

So, for example, if you were Norwegian in the UK, or whatever, and that guy in the street doesn't know your nationality at all, he would just have made a racist comment. Obviously, if he had shouted something like "Hey Golden Brown" at you, everyone would be up in arms. But because you are blond white female, you are meant to not be offended by it. What rot. And well done for telling him.

YoooSkylaaaarrrrrggghh · 29/10/2014 10:32

Blimey, good on him, he's only trying to earn a living like the rest of us. He was hardly shouting inappropriate comments on OP's appearance, just trying to draw her attention in a lighthearted cheeky way, so bloody what !

Lovecat · 29/10/2014 10:32

YAtotallyNBU OP. I think you were very lovely to go back and explain to him why you were offended. He needed to be told.

The day my father died I was yelled at to 'cheer up love' by a chugger. You don't know what's going on in people's lives and it's a really, really crap way of trying to get money out of people by potentially insulting them.

No way does he call that out to blokes.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/10/2014 10:49

YANBU. Intrusive attention seeking and using personal remarks. Chuggers are so irritating.

ohlordyplordy · 29/10/2014 10:50

I got 'hey lady scoffing a sausage roll' from a chugger - it didn't endear me to him.

Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 16:42

Ok so the main response here is that I overreacted. I'll accept that. Maybe "offended" was too strong a word. Perhaps "irritated" would be a better one.

I do still think it's inappropriate though, for lots of reasons. And I still hate chugging!

OP posts:
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 29/10/2014 16:47

YABU, it wasn't offensive he was only making a light hearted comment. you were rather rude (you obviously realise that)

Try not to get upset by things that are really not meant to offend. Just ignore and walk on.

PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 16:51

i really don't think you overreacted. i actually think you did a really kind thing by explaining why you didn't like his behaviour

annabanana19 · 29/10/2014 16:51

People are far to uptight nowadays.

Dont like being called this that or the other.

You could have been called a bitch by him.

PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 16:53

nope, definitely not uptight to object to people shouting personal remarks at you when you're just trying to get on with your day and not bothering anyone

and i don't think the OP should be grateful that he didn't call her anything worse either

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2014 17:22

I think, should anything similar happen to me, I will query the person about what equivalent terms they use when shouting at men. I will then express my interest in observing their reactions and say I'll hang back and watch this for five minutes.

I would be very impressed and surprised if he is addressing men in the same way (and gaining a positive reaction).

usualsuspect333 · 29/10/2014 17:48

I don't think OP should be grateful he didn't call her anything worse. What a stupid thing to say.

MrsPiggie · 29/10/2014 17:48

Yanbu. Although I wouldn't have gone back to explain myself. This is not a proper way to address a stranger on the street. If a builder shouted that at you you'd think it was harassment, but if it's a charity worker it's simply "poor guy is only doing his job". I bet he'd get lots of attention if he was naked with a mohican haircut, it doesn't make it right. If his job involves shouting stupid names at people I'd rather if he didn't do his job at all.

Bunbaker · 29/10/2014 17:49

I am still failing to see why being called Goldilocks is offensive or personal. In what way is having blonde hair a means to be discriminated against?

Some people are far too uptight these days and don't have anything important to worry about.

Puzzled.

PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 17:50

it is rude, patronising and personal