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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it offensive to be reffered to as "Goldilocks"

107 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 04:50

This actually happened a while ago and it's been bothering me ever since. I genuinely don't know whether I over reacted here.

I was in my town's main shopping centre and walked past a stand promoting a charity (can't remember what for, possibly Syrian children) and the bloke yelled out to me "hey Goldilocks, can you come for a chat?". It immeadiately got my back up and a snapped at him- something along the lines of "how dare you speak to me like that" and carried on into the shop.

I calmed down and realised that reaction probably wasn't that helpful (and he only looked about 18 bless him) so I went back to explain. I told him that it sounded really sexist and that it's offensive. He replied that he does it to everyone- men included- to get attention. I then said that even so, it's not nice to focus in on an aspect of someone's personal appearance- how would he like it if I called out "hey beardy piercing face" or something to that effect. I pointed out that what he singles out might be that one thing a person is insecure about- and that not everyone will have the confidence I do to confront him, so he may be unwittingly upsetting people.

He told me he gets perhaps one complaint every couple of days about his approach, and he needs to be different to get attention. He promised to take my comments on board. Tbh He seemed like a really nice lad doing what I imagine is a difficult job- but I just don't think that approach is acceptable.

AIBU?

OP posts:
throwaway1256 · 29/10/2014 07:32

I have bright hair, can't remember the amount of times I've had "Oi, blue" shouted at me by chuggers.

usualsuspect333 · 29/10/2014 07:36

Yanbu. I would be pissed off too.

CatKisser · 29/10/2014 07:37

Saints and Poets you're not by any chance in Northampton are you?? When I lived there I got hassled by that guy EVERY time I went into town. "wow - you two look so alike - are you sisters???"
I don't know why he thought that'd work?!

kungfupannda · 29/10/2014 07:41

I think you were perfectly reasonable to explain to him why his approach might annoy people. By his own admission, people are complaining about him.

I probably would have just glared and walked on - your way was more constructive.

CromerSutra · 29/10/2014 07:42

Yabu. I don't like chuggers at ALL but I wouldn't especially object to being called Goldilocks. As silly names go it's not bad at all!

avocadotoast · 29/10/2014 08:14

YANBU. I hate chuggers. I once snapped after one too many told me to smile and had a massive go at this guy about how it was none of his business to tell me to smile. He didn't seem fazed... Made me feel better though Grin

MorrisZapp · 29/10/2014 08:18

I've had goldilocks and blondie my whole life. Doesn't bother me at all, in fact I like it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/10/2014 08:20

I too feel you over reacted and made yourself look a bit of a nelly, not by your first reaction but by going back and explaining.

We all react in different ways, I know that but I wouldn't have given it any further thought after the first shout out to you and carried on with my day.

Mampire · 29/10/2014 08:23

yummy mummy! wow, some people are thick. Probably thought you'd be flattered.

I have reddish hair so heaven knows what would be shouted out to me to get my attention.

PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 08:24

yanbu

people shouting personal remarks while you're going about your business? they can fuck right off

i bet he's careful about what he shouts at people he perceives as a threat to him

Mampire · 29/10/2014 08:26

when I see chuggers in town now I hiss at the kids "run kids run, chuggers!!". But the worst was when I opened the front door once and there was a chugger standing there with his hand outstretched like we had made an appointment or something. I didn't extend my hand. I stood there. I suppose I made a bit of a nelly of myself too because I told him haughtily that as we weren't being introduced and I hadn't made an appointment with him I had no idea why he was standing at my door with his hand outstretched. He was about 22 and the cockiest looking article ........ argh.

diddl · 29/10/2014 08:27

YANBU!

Can't he just say "hello/excuse me"??

Bunbaker · 29/10/2014 08:28

Wow! You are easily offended.

FreeSpirit89 · 29/10/2014 08:32

YABU - the poor boys probably trying to earn a living in what is a very difficult job. He wasn't rude or offensive, I think your being a tad precious.

I happen to call my dad boldilocks and the three hairs

TheCowThatLaughs · 29/10/2014 08:34

A salesman of some sort in tesco addressed me as "hey sweet cheeks"

ButternutBosc · 29/10/2014 08:37

I think getting a complaint every couple of days is quite a lot, obviously you're not the only one to have felt offended by him.

EmberElftree · 29/10/2014 08:37

Mampire my red haired friend has had "fanta pants" Shock

I have had Goldilocks, blondie, ya blonde, oi blondie etc.etc. it's irritating but you should have gone with your gut and replied "yes, beard weirdy metal face?" with a pleasant expression and tilted inquiring head motion.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2014 08:48

I'd have thought 'boorish twat' and walked on.

What's unusual is you bothered to talk to him about it. A complaint every couple of days is a lot, given most people won't bother to speak to him.

I happen to think that basing your face to face marketing on the style of leery old men in pubs debases the good reputation of the charity concerned.

He'll be wolf-whistling next.

RevoltingPeasant · 29/10/2014 08:49

OP YABVU, obviously - you should be grateful he didn't shout "hey sweet tits" and you should have immediately set up a DD for £20 a month to show how flattered you were.

DH is a charity fundraising manager. His regional branch of a nationwide charity is one of the most successful in the UK. As far as I am aware, he has got through his entire career without shouting at women in the street, or employing anyone who does.

Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 08:50

I can definitely see what people are saying here.

@Stillstayingclassy- The only reason I went back to explain was because I felt bad for snapping without giving a reason. That and I had to walk back past him.

I have already said that he seemed like a nice lad and I appriciate that it's a difficult job. I just think.

@Freespirit- yep, I call my dad stuff too. My dad. A person I know and love. Not a random stranger on the street just going about their business. Pissing myself at baldilocks and the three hairs though!

Meh. I think it was just the combination of a very personal comment and getting chugged. I don't yell at people in the street. And when at work I don't yell out "oi Goldilocks, what's your medical emergency" to patients!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 29/10/2014 08:52

Oops- that should say "I just think telling personal stuff at people in the street is generally a bit shit"

Stupid phone.

OP posts:
PumpkinGordino · 29/10/2014 08:52

i think you went above and beyond explaining to him what was wrong. respect to you for that. people shouldn't have to put up wtih other people yelling personal remarks at them while they go about their business

Bunbaker · 29/10/2014 08:54

Being called Goldilocks might be irritating, but I can't see why in any way it could be termed offensive. It isn't discriminatory, just a descriptive term.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 29/10/2014 09:02

Your are TOTALLY NOT being unreasonable. I told one off when he called out "Hey Mum!" as I was with my children.

I spoke sharply to him too.

sashh · 29/10/2014 09:07

Good grief, does it matter? Poor lad, he was only trying to be friendly and doing a job. He hardly said "hey, fatty" did he? I would never have given it another thought and I don't suppose he's going to forget the lecture from you!
Why is it sexist? Just because it's a man calling a woman Goldilocks? It's better than 'mate' which just about everyone calls everyone nowadays.

It's no better to be called Goldilocks that fatty. My hair is fair due to a side effect of medication, I hate it. I had dark hair for years but now I have to use shampoo for psoriasis everyday it strips the colour out so permanent dye lasts about 3 weeks and I can't afford to do it that often, and I'm not sure a hairdresser would do it.

It is sexist because a man would never be referred to as a children's book character. As the OP points out it could be the one thing someone is sensitive about. 'Mate' as you say is used to refer to everyone, therefore is not sexist.