To be annoyed at my friend accidentally letting my baby dunk his hand in her hot tea

[Flingmoo]

A couple of days later and this is still on my mind for some reason. Mainly just venting here.

I was visiting a couple of young, childless friends and we were all drinking tea. I put my mug far away from where I sat while holding 5mo DS as I'm paranoid about hot drink safely. My friends love holding my baby so I handed him over.

I saw their mugs and the danger crossed my mind but for some stupid reason I held my tongue and assumed they'd be careful with my little PFB. Turned my back to chat to the other friend and suddenly heard my baby scream out in pain. My friend had her tea too close to the edge of the table and being 5 months old he's now a lot more wriggly than last time they saw him, he'd flapped his arms and dunked a hand in her mug, which then tipped over and went all over my friend.

I do feel responsible as I'm his mother and should have pointed out the danger or just moved her mug myself. But I was also very pissed off that she didn't prevent this. I didn't tell her off because I didn't want to let it ruin the day, but inside I was seething, she seemed to blame the baby rather than expressing any guilt. I don't think she even said sorry. Surely she felt guilty. She just seemed a bit awkward afterwards.

She's one of my best and oldest friends and now I don't trust her to babysit for him in the future, if she's this oblivious to risk. I thought it would be obvious but perhaps non parents are not so safety aware?

I should add that DS was okay in the end, it didn't seem to have scalded him as after a quick run under the cold tap and a comfort feed he forgot about it and there was no mark. The tea had milk in which must've reduced the temperature. But the sight of him looking up at me in shock screaming with that "mummy, it hurts!" look on his face broke my heart :(

I know I'm responsible but still a bit annoyed with said friend.

If she was not a mum she would not have been as aware as you are towards the hazards.

I can entirely understand you not wanting her to babysit as new mums can be very protective. I went a bit OTT when my son was first born, I was scared of leaving him at the OfSted registered nursery!

I am sure when you calm down you will see it for what it is, an unfortunate accident. Perhaps you should have your friends around LO more while you supervise it as this should help you regain trust in them.

IMO you need to stop looking to blame. Your child is only 6 months old.

In the course of the next couple of years your child is going to get his fingers/feet/head caught in closing doors. He is going to run under tables until one day he will grow a centimetre taller and smacks straight into the table. He is going to attempt to put every substance he comes across into his mouth or up his nose.

You or the person caring for your child wont be able to get there in time to prevent these or a 1000 other minor accidents.

My advice? Get a big box of Mr Bump plasters and take yourself off onto a first aid course. It will be a hell of a lot more useful than trying to blame.

You are unreasonable to assume that everyone without children have no concept of any danger facing children. It is an attitude I spent several years having to deal with and it makes me angry, even now, that there is a certain type of women who immediately upon giving birth become a patronising twat.

You are also unreasonable not to keep an eye on your own child and to blame someone else for something that your child did. She might have been scalded by your child's actions. Did that actually cross your mind? No. If she had, would you have felt guilty? You saw the danger, it was your responsibility to deal with it....and that would have been the case even if it wasn't your child: you see a dangerous situation that you could prevent, you deal with it.

Your baby caused hot tea to be spilt over your friend (and himself) and you saw the risk and did nothing about it.

You should be the one apologizing to your friend, she could have been seriously scalded, as well as your baby.

I see why you're unhappy, your poor DS was hurt after all.
However YABU to be annoyed at the friend, you were present in the room, you're the mother so it's your job to look out for your DS, no one else's.
Childless people are just not going to see the dangers in the way you do. Only 18 (seemingly very long) months ago I was one of those childless people and a hot cuppa sat on the side or on the floor wouldn't have even registered with me! Our house was a veritable death trap for a young child, steep wooden stairs, open fireplaces, trip hazards everywhere, I'd leave knives and axes and farmyard implements out in the yard . Not any more.....

Please do not be one one of 'those' mothers. I went to an interview years ago where baby was learning to walk around the furniture and wearing a CRASH HELMET!! She couldn't realise why I turned down the job.

I see the OP has disappeared because we don't agree that she IBU. Typical.

I have never known a childless person that is really keen to babysit by the way. They never seem to love our precious darlings as much as we do

I see the OP has disappeared because we don't agree that she IBU. Typical.

Not at all! I just felt that the thread reached its conclusion and confirmed my suspicion that I was BU :) I do agree that it was really my fault. I couldn't help being a little bit annoyed at the time though, at both of us I must admit. I was naive to assume that she would be as safety conscious as myself.

I will add though, to all the people who are smirking at the idea of my friends wanting to babysit - I'm not being completely insane here, they have told me several times that they can't wait. (I doubt they've babysat for anyone before, otherwise they might not be so keen...) However, my baby won't take a bottle so no babysitters any time soon until he is weaned and drinking from a cup!

I don't have kids but it would still occur to me to move my drink out of reach. Not everyone who is childless is clueless.

Crinkle the OP has been kind enough to grace us with her presence again...

But the point remains, her DC she should look after him and also she knows his developmental stage, wriggly etc...

I am still flabbergasted that she spent 2 days stewing on this, thought her friend wasn't safety aware (and then decided to rethink her friend babysitting her DS) and was also thinking that one of her best, closest friends hadn't expressed enough guilt etc.

I'm just pleased I'm not the friend of someone who squarely has blamed me for harming their baby when it was anything but that which actually happened!

Oh and if the friend had had a hot cup of tea/coffee and tipped it over the baby (why she'd do that not sure accident etc) not realising consequence or had been told there's a hot drink, be careful with it then of course friend would be at fault. The parent here seemed to absolve herself of any responsibilty towards her DC.

It was an accident Hun x

My uncle used to say 'no one ever had an accident on purpose'

It didn't occur to your friend to move the cup of (lets face it sounds like warm) tea.

It did occur to YOU, the baby's mother, that the tea might come in contact with the baby, yet you didn't feel it was worth saying anything at the time.

and yet you are annoyed with your friend?
I think you are actually annoyed with yourself.

baby was unharmed, all is OK, move on.

I hope your friend is OK. Baby dunked his hand - friend had the whole cup of tea all over her...

Yes, she was fine :) I am well over it by now but sadly it did weigh on my mind for a couple of days - it's just PFB syndrome I'm afraid!

Fwiw Mamushka I can understand where you were coming from, I would feel the same