About my niece being left alone

[lollipoppi]

My DB and SIL both work shifts, their children often have to stay out upto 3 nights a week.
My niece is starting high school next year, she will be just 11yo

When DB and SIL shifts cross over on some mornings, approx 3 per week, they will be leaving my niece in the house on her own, expecting her to set an alarm, get herself up and ready for school, lock up the house and get to school, on her own

I have 2 children but they are a lot younger, so I can't really judge if this is ok to do but I just feel so upset for my niece, apart from all of the obvious dangers it just seems so wrong

I did that from 10, give the child some credit it's not that difficult. That's why there is a generation of 16 year olds who can't cross a road on their own!

I think of it as half an hour as I've never known a secondary age child emerge from their lair room more than half an hour before they leave the house.

Mine did.

I can't imagine anyone I know doing this. I think 11 is too young to be left alone to wake up in an empty house.

Sad.

I'm with you minty. 12 year old DS wakes at 6 and leaves the house 8.30

I wish mine would.

I swear, if he could get dressed, eat his breakfast and clean his teeth on the bus he'd get up even later [sigh]

Having said that, I suspect that he might be better off if I wasn't here - he has the safety net of knowing I will yell at him.

I have no problem with an 11 year old getting themselves up and off to school by themselves - if they can't do this by 11, then you really need to look at how you are bringing them up.

However, I wouldn't be happy leaving them at 4 in the morning, especially in the winter - I don't really know why are alien abductions and blazing infernos are rare, it just feels wrong.

However, (again) if the DD wants to do this and doesn't want to be babysat then I'd probably make myself deal with it - but I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it if I had such a willing volunteer as you on hand.

Mind you, given she has two parents doing fixed shift work I'd be puzzling why they couldn't sort their shifts out a bit better.

I dispair at this. No child should be in this predicament and nor should their parents. but what do they do if they have to work and have no baby sitter.
Another thing same horse but different color. The government expect or rather demand that all lone parents go work regardless of lack or child care or personal circumstances, is that not also a safe guarding issue that ss need to speaking to the government about. I mean I've always worked but I always had the support to be able to do so.

When I was around 11 I was going home from school at lunch time & often cooking (scrambled eggs, mini pizzas etc) myself lunch.

I think 11 is too young, but I can't see what else they are supposed to do. What arrangement do they have now?

I'd feel a bit sorry for her actually. I wouldn't have liked it at that age. But if she's genuinely happy with it then I wouldn't worry too much - unless you can help at all?

I despair at this
Yes, so do I. People who don't put their child first.

It doesn't sit right with me. Presumable they will leave the child asleep. What if she wakes up feeling too unwell to go to school? It is the parent's responsibility to contact the school.

I am a governor at a secondary school and we discuss these things at governing body meetings. One pupil sleeps alone at night because the parent works night shift. This has been flagged up as a matter of concern by the school's safeguarding officer.

I wouldn't be able to do this with DD who is now 14. She needs chasing very morning to leave the house on time because she just has no concept of time or "hurry up". If I left her to it she just wouldn't go to school. But that is the only reason. She can be left on her own in the house and is very sensible.

I don't work late generally but we had a special project on for 2 weeks last month when I stayed in work until about 2am every morning.

So DH was getting the dc up and to school, and i'd sleep in and get up about 9am.

I'm a sensible, independent adult. But by the end of the fortnight I'd had enough. I found it really lonely getting up to an empty house every day, no one to share breakfast with, or ask if you slept well, or just have a 2 minute chat about what you have planned that day. I found it bloody miserable tbh and (ridiculously I know) like I was being left out of the family.

I wouldn't want an 11 year old being alone every morning. It's nothing to do with whether they could. My very mature 6 year old could get himself up, dressed, fed and out (including locking up) if I let him.

Just because they could doesn't mean they should though IMO.

"I despair at this
Yes, so do I. People who don't put their child first."

Bloody hell - God forbid people should leave their precious children and go to work

From reading the op's posts it sounds to me as though all the children have been in the past minded by relatives outside their house. It's quite possible that the child has asked to stay at home, and get to school herself, rather than get shipped out a couple of times a week.

If it is her request and her choice, the parents are actually putting her first, listening to her, and trying to work out a compromise. Just as children rarely continue with childminders after school once they reach secondary level, it seems this may well be a child who wants to do without childminder before school.

If it doesn't work out, she can go back to granny's, or to the op's, no harm done.

What about this case, Bunbaker? Would this situation be flagged as a concern at your school?

I have no idea gentle

Oh do fuck off with your sanctimonious not putting the children first claptrap.

What should the parents do, give up work and sponge off the state rather than ever leave their DC unattended?!

There are other options for the parents but it sounds like their DD would prefer this.

However there are plenty of parents who don't have any other childcare options? Should they all give up work and claim benefits?

Lots of people like me have to work more than 9-5 hours,and have long commutes. Most of my colleagues leave home before 7am every day. It's not that unusual a situation, and petty minded comments (no doubt from the same small minded types as the teachers at my DCs primary who said it was a safeguarding issue that my then yr 5 DC walked to and from school partly on their own) really only serve to highlight the ignorance of those making them. Life isn't all one working parent and one who stays at home minding the kids, most people don't have that luxury.

I was getting myself up, fed, to school, home again, and cooking and looking after my disabled sister at this age.

I would NEVER do this to my Yr8 and Yr3 girls. Never mind is it ok, what about what's best for them? It would break my heart to think of my dds getting up, ready for school on their own.

Greygeese - leaving the house by 7am is a whole world of difference to leaving the house at 4am. Is it possible you're overreacting a little bit?

I did this at 11. I was perfectly capable and unphased by it tbh.

I agree with what some others say. Suppose eg it snows in the night (after parents are gone), heating system breaks etc... would you be fine then?

I think some teenagers (my brother and I for one) are quite capable also of not knowing what to do if/when something goes wrong.

Also OP has said she's happy to help out, so why can't her DB let her help out at least for a few more years? This girl could also have periods starting (if not started already) does she really want to be coping with that (I know I hated that) as well as navigating a dark house.

for those who say they were walking barefoot to school or whatever well it's certainly not the norm or wasn't the norm in most households and we are talking 4am here not 7am!

"I think some teenagers (my brother and I for one) are quite capable also of not knowing what to do if/when something goes wrong."

Are teenagers really so incapable of thinking for themselves?

If it's snowing - check if school is open - my 8 year old managed this last year.

If the heating breaks - put on a jumper, wrap a duvet around you and call a parent who will arrange to have it fixed.

Far too many parents micro-manage their childrens lives to the extent that they can't so anything for themselves.