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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who was BU here? Three choices!

123 replies

Sallyingforth · 25/10/2014 14:32

Leaving the supermarket this morning. I approached the lifts with my trolley to go down to the carpark. There was one open, and an argument going on inside. Two women with a trolley, and a man who went in ahead of me with a trolley and a little girl.

The women were telling the man to get out of the lift because they couldn't be in there with a man. The man said something to the effect that if they didn't like it they should get out. The women said he should wait for another lift because they were in first, and he was being offensive to their religion.

As it was a stalemate and there were others waiting behind, I pushed my trolley into the lift between the women and the door, and pressed the lift button to go down. The women didn't say anything in the lift but when we got out one of them screamed something unintelligible at me.

Who was BU?

OP posts:

forago · 26/10/2014 05:08

Whatever religion they were, they were obviously being unreasonable. if you have strongly held beliefs its up to you to make them work for you, I believe, and not enforce them on people that don't share them. As a vegetarian I don't insist an entire restaurant stop eating meat when I enter. This is no different IMO. Personal responsibility is what's missing.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/10/2014 05:10

The poor man in lift stuck in an awkward position, it's good you broke the stalemate.

Hakluyt · 26/10/2014 05:59

My antenna always twitch when somebody says that someone else says that something is "offensive to their religion"

Don't know why- it's just a form of words that doesn't ring quite true.

Nessalina · 26/10/2014 06:16

They WBU.
Someone up thread said that if the women were telling the man he couldn't ride in the lift because he was eating peanuts and they were allergic, then everyone would be saying HWU, but the same reasoning stands: they didn't want to be in the lift with him; he wants to be in the lift and doesn't mind with whom; they should leave if they feel strongly about it, for whatever reason. Asking him to leave was rude and unreasonable. They could and should have just silently left when he entered and taken the next lift.
The OP was definitely NBU. I'm in a world of my own when I shop and probably wouldn't have even noticed the row, so I'd have stepped into the lift and pressed the button myself in that situation through sheer obliviousness! As soon as they chose to argue with the man rather than talking with their feet they took the chance that that exact thing was quite likely to happen and the choice removed.

gamerchick · 26/10/2014 06:28

Muslims are not a race. I always find it really odd when people try and pull the racist card. It's like they haven't got any other words that'll kick out as hard as that one.

Hakluyt · 26/10/2014 06:36

"Muslims are not a race. I always find it really odd when people try and pull the racist card. It's like they haven't got any other words that'll kick out as hard as that one."

Feel free to substitute Islamophobic where appropriate.

HicDraconis · 26/10/2014 06:46

I can't understand the difference between a supermarket (enclosed space containing food, people, trolleys etc) and a lift (enclosed space containing food, people, trolleys, etc). So if it was ok for the women to be in the shop with presumably male shoppers in evidence, but other people around - surely it's also ok for them to be in a lift with a male shopper and the OP.

The women were being unreasonable, definitely. Whether OP also was for removing their choice to exit is debatable but on the whole I'd say no.

While it may sound implausible, I have had negative comments directed at me, in a lift, relating to a pendant I was wearing that has religious significance for some people. So I fully believe that lifts and twatty behaviour involving religion go hand in hand.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 26/10/2014 06:55

I would have been fuming if I was that man. How dare they try and impose their views on other people. If they didn't feel comfortable then they should have got out of the lift.

gamerchick · 26/10/2014 07:10

There you go a more appropriate word.. calling racist for every single thing is just laziness.

OddBoots · 26/10/2014 07:13

If I find myself in a situation I don't want to be in or that I find uncomfortable and assuming that isn't because someone else is doing something illegal I will excuse myself from that situation. If they were uncomfortable being in a lift with a man they should have left. It's possible they'd done that several times already and this was the final straw though as the OP only saw part of what happened.

My dd has clearly been doing too many maths puzzles in front of me though as the solution that came to mind was that one woman walked down the stairs to the lift exit and the other put the trolley in the lift then when the trolley was on the way down took the stairs herself.

Nancy66 · 26/10/2014 10:36

these things happen. I believe the OP

www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/186470#.VEzORptyaUl

Nomama · 26/10/2014 10:49

That link is depressing, Nancy.

Religion, yet again, causing such hatred... the comments section is really scary (she says, fully aware she is a smelly and dangerous female).

lampygirl · 26/10/2014 11:38

They didn't like being in the lift with the man because it was offensive to THEM, not to their religion per se. I hate that phrase, people seem to roll it out to scare people into giving in under not wanting to come across as racist and it doesn't sit right with me.

The women were being unreasonable, the man didn't approach the lift and think 'oooh I can make these people feel offended, I best get in this lift' he just wanted to get to the car park. They had the issue and they shouldn't impose this on anyone else.

FyreFly · 26/10/2014 12:10

I think it's plausible. I live next to one of the cities in the UK were ethnic minorities outnumber white British. I can tell you that white Christians / Atheists certainly don't have the monopoly on twathattery or batshit bonkers behaviour.

You get loons and arseholes of every shape / creed / colour / religion / gender / sexual persuasion / species. Sounds like the OP had the misfortune to encounter a pair here is all.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 12:52

I don't understand this - I work in a legal office and we often have Iranian clients (as have an Iranian solicitor) time and time again veiled women come into our office to see, a MAN! and even sometimes our WHITE BRITISH matrimonial solicitor.

sometimes they come unchapereoned sometimes they're alone.

I've also seen veiled women in lifts with men... and there's never been an issue. I just think these 2 women were having a bad day or being a loon. If anything most veiled women I meet/see are super polite!

ArsenicChaseScream · 26/10/2014 14:31

If anything most veiled women I meet/see are super polite!

Super is that a joke post?

Although must turban-wearing Sikh men I meet are particularly good at Maths, now I think of it

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 19:15

Arsenic - I meant if I see them in lifts, in situations where there are men other than their relatives (like in our office) they are super polite.

In fact only one has been rude in a sort of offhand and my colleague said he thought she may have issues. which she may have done, not my place to comment.

Serenitysutton · 26/10/2014 19:43

They were BU. It's not acceptable behaviour. Clearly it's up to them if they are scared of random men (terrible pity though) but if that's the case THEY leave the lift and allow him to go ahead alone. That's obvious.

ArsenicChaseScream · 26/10/2014 19:52

Super I meant that generalising/stereotyping all veil-wearing muslim women (as polite or entitled or tall or sweet-smelling or well-read or untidy or anything at all) is impossible/crackers/misguided.

Serenitysutton · 26/10/2014 20:20

I don't think you can realistically compare, say, Muslims who have grown up in the UK and may have a cultural/ national background of anything with people you know in "proper" Muslim countries. There are all sorts of reasons that they wouldn't behave the same (and yes the main one being they are all individuals but cultural norms also come into play)

ArsenicChaseScream · 26/10/2014 20:22

I really hope OP comes back and tells us the lift women were ill mannered adherents of an obscure christian sect.

The manners are the issue.

Hakluyt · 26/10/2014 20:34

"I really hope OP comes back and tells us the lift women were ill mannered adherents of an obscure christian sect."

That would be cool. But I doubt she would have added the "screamed something unintelligible" bit of local colour if that was the case.

PhaedraIsMyName · 26/10/2014 22:03

The link to the Delta airlines story is so depressing.

Husband, son and I often split up on trains /planes as we really aren't bothered about whether or not we sit together but I'm damn sure we would not have moved in that situation.

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