Who was BU here? Three choices!

[Sallyingforth]

Leaving the supermarket this morning. I approached the lifts with my trolley to go down to the carpark. There was one open, and an argument going on inside. Two women with a trolley, and a man who went in ahead of me with a trolley and a little girl.

The women were telling the man to get out of the lift because they couldn't be in there with a man. The man said something to the effect that if they didn't like it they should get out. The women said he should wait for another lift because they were in first, and he was being offensive to their religion.

As it was a stalemate and there were others waiting behind, I pushed my trolley into the lift between the women and the door, and pressed the lift button to go down. The women didn't say anything in the lift but when we got out one of them screamed something unintelligible at me.

Who was BU?

They were!

I don't believe it even happened.

Your choice, it doesn't bother me what you believe.

But thanks to the others for your opinions.

Well I certainly blocked their path out of the lift because my trolley was across the door. But these lifts are very slow to operate and if they had shown any intention to move I would have backed out and stopped the doors closing.

Then I think the only reasonable person was the man. I don't agree with the women's wishes to travel in a lift without this man being there, but it would be unreasonable to not give them freedom to choose not to.

If I was in a lift with somebody I didn't want to be in a confined space with, I'd be unhappy if someone prevented me from having time to leave.

Not in my experience either hesterton. And I hope I never see it again.

This is a classic. Why am I never around to see this sort of farce ??

I am very surprised by this as there were two of them and then you who is another female and then a child. It's not like one of them was alone in an enclosed space with a man. They could surely 'chaperone' each other and your presence also changes things.

So I think they were being completely mental.

"Would you expect everyone not to be ridiculous about eating a bacon sandwich, shaving their arm pits or drinking alcohol?"

If they didn't want to be in a lift with a man, they could have got out of the lift. I certainly expect everyone to not be ridiculous about me eating a bacon sandwich, shaving my armpits or drinking alcohol.

It's not like they hadn't just been in a supermarket with him, or like there was only one woman who would be alone with him.

I think it's healthy and useful for humans to find some behaviour ridiculous, and to express it. However, I'm not sure about using that as a benchmark for stipulating how others behave.

Can anyone think of any examples where my argument above appears, or perhaps counter-examples?

If they didn't want to be in a lift with a man, they could have got out of the lift.

Not if someone got in, blocked the exit and set the lift off first. Hence the OP wondering if she'd been unreasonable.

They were, if they didn't like it they should have got out themselves. Surely it's reasonable that a man may use a lift?

There was already a discussion going on about how he should get out of the lift before the OP got in the lift herself (not an attempt to leave), and she's said that if they'd made any move towards the exit she would have let them out.

Yes, they could have got out of the lift - or they could have said "let us out please". The OP was not being unreasonable.

I am just that you live somewhere with a lift big enough for four trolleys.

Well it depends what country you are in - I'm guessing UK in which case they were being unreasonable. However I don't really believe it happened as if they were so religious they couldn't be alone with a male in a lift it's highly unlikely they would be driving or in a supermarket either.

If you were somewhere like Saudi then the man was unreasonable as it would be expected he would and should move.

They were being very unreasonable. If they didn't want to be in the lift with a man they should have got out, they should never have expected that he should get out and they certainly shouldn't have expressed it, and ESPECIALLY if a young child present.

You IMO were not unreasonable, although I can see why some may say it may have been less inflammatory had you got in the lift, said to them 'Do you want to get out' and then began to operate the lift if they wouldn't. Personally I think you did exactly the right thing.

The man was not in any capacity, being unreasonable at all.

You IMO were not unreasonable, although I can see why some may say it may have been less inflammatory had you got in the lift, said to them 'Do you want to get out' and then began to operate the lift if they wouldn't. Personally I think you did exactly the right thing.

That's a very measured response. Why do you think she did exactly the right thing, not checking first?

I suspect YABU OP and you know it

Lol, but them. Id have maybe said in or out? To them before pressing the button but equally I might have pretended to be oblivious to the silly row and gone about my lift using business.

I'm a bit confused by this whole thing. Two women whose religion allows them to go shopping without a male chaperone, to be in a supermarket with men, and so on, can't be specifically in a lift with a man? Not alone in a small lift, but in a group in a great big lift that can take multiple trolleys and several separate families?

(FWIW I work in the oil industry in a company which is very culturally sensitive, have many female Muslim colleagues, work in a building with much smaller lifts than the one described, and have never, ever come across this as an issue before.)

I am just shock that you live somewhere with a lift big enough for four trolleys.
It's a big supermarket lift with room for four trolleys. But there were actually only three trolleys, four adults and one child.

They could surely 'chaperone' each other and your presence also changes things.
Perhaps if I had been in their first, it might have been different.