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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what 'Feeling Broody' actually means?

105 replies

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 22:47

I'm 33 and I have hand on heart never felt anything I could describe as 'broody'. I have no DC but have been with DP for a long time. As a child / teen I never thought I'd have kids and was upfront with DP (way back when) that I didn't think I wanted any.

Anyway, now I'm getting older I get the odd comment from family about getting a move on etc. or that we'll come round to it (um, well, we might, but I'm 33 which is not panic stations, but nor is it 'lets hang about 10 years and see if we fancy it' territory'). DP has never really raised it although he was ambivalent (towards not) when we met and I have hammered home the age message as we are same age.

The reason for posting though was to see if anyone is willing to share what 'feeling broody' or indeed deciding to have a family without 'feeling broody' meant for people. I've been waiting for years for this 'overwhelming urge to procreate' to hit me (as people promised it would when I said I didn't want kids in my teens) and I am feeling a little defective in that it's never happened

OP posts:

Timeforabiscuit · 24/10/2014 23:00

Tbh I fell pregnant by accident, was not a baby person even when my kids were babies.

But now that my youngest has started school - broodiness has kicked in good and proper, its a yearning to care, to smell soft heads, for small arms to reach up and hold you , its experiencing being another persons entire world. Its a powerful draw.

The irony is I didn't have an ounce of it picking out baby clothes or any of those hollywood moments like your "supposed" to. I wasn't particularly fussed about having a family.

Looking back, I was far terrified to commit to a path through an active informed choice. I remember thinking who would actually choose to have a baby of all things? Logically babies make very little sense

dogscatsandbabies · 24/10/2014 23:01

Growing up gay, I came to the naive conclusion early that I wouldn't have children. That didn't upset me at all as a teen or young adult.

But, once DP and I had a conversation about children and decided we would like to be parents I started to feel differently. And once we actually began treatment and were ttc; my god the 'broodiness' and desperate desire for a baby was unreal.

ZumZee · 24/10/2014 23:07

I never felt it before I actually had children. Now we have had our last baby, for me it's a little ache when you realise that you will never be as physically close to and utterly consumed by another person ever again, nobody will ever need you so much. And that leaves a void.

callamia · 24/10/2014 23:10

I think I was slightly more practical. I have always imagined that I would have children - I realise that while some little girls dreamt about their weddings, I thought about my future children.

However, I don't think I was necessarily broody as I understand other people are. I loved other people's babies, and I imagined 'my turn'. I knew that I was in my early thirties, with someone I wanted to have babies with and in a good enough job and so I should get the hell on with it.

Once I started trying, I was quite hellbent on it. I'm not sure if that's broodiness, or my own personality.

Original poster

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 23:11

That's interesting Time and seems to tally with what some of my friends who had unplanned children have said. I do have one friend who claims to be the least maternal person possible (and also to hate cats) while having 2 kids and 2 cats following an initial 'accident'

OP posts:

OraProNobis · 24/10/2014 23:11

I felt it very clearly and very strongly and I knew then what it was and that it had to be obeyed! You'll know it when - or if - you have it. Do you think your feelings on the matter are changing at all?

BlinkAndMiss · 24/10/2014 23:15

I had no urges to have children but I did 'warm' to the idea because I grew up with a big family. I couldn't imagine not having a big family, when we decided to have a baby it wasn't because I was desperate for a newborn it was more for the future - having a child rather than a baby, having teenagers etc.

When DS turned 2 the broodiness arrived - it's like feeling that something is incomplete, it's the longing to have that small weight in your arms and against you, I think it's about being needed. It's also exciting. I'm feeling it now and it's not something I can put to the back of my mind, I never thought I'd have these feelings in a million years. I distinctly remember thinking when DS was a newborn "who the hell would chose to do this?"!

Original poster

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 23:19

Ora Not really tbh, but we're both only so there is a certain realism about our life in 20+ years if we choose not to have kids. Of course actually having them guarantees nothing...

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 24/10/2014 23:23

I've never felt broody either. I had DS when I was 39, thinking I didn't want to regret wasting my fertility. I love him madly but I have absolutely no desire to have another one. When I see pregnant women, or women with babies my gut feeling is 'rather you than me, love'. I must be missing the broody gene.

But I also don't scream at engagement announcements, and I don't think there is such a thing as a 'sex drive' either.

My advice is if you don't really, really want a kid then don't have one. My reasons for becoming a parent were a bit rubbish. It's fine to have a nice life, do whatever you want, please yourself.

Lovethesea · 24/10/2014 23:26

Never been broody but when I got together he was keen and I thought having kids would make life more a roller coaster than a merry go round, bigger lows and bigger highs.

It seemed the more colourful choice. so we have two. Youngest now 4 and I've still never felt broody at all

I think I made the right choice to try and i don't have any issue with it being more head than heart that said Let's see what happens.

OldCatLady · 24/10/2014 23:31

I have always felt broody. I have always lived babies and have a strong desire to want children. I have literally had to fight off the temptation to have children since my teens, don't yet have any (but work in childcare) and I actually get quite upset that I've not yet had children (in my 20's now).

I think there's a definite feeling, and I think I'm at one end of the scale but think it's perfectly normal to be the other.

There is no reason why we MUST have children, and if it's not your thing, then that's fine. You can enjoy life without stinky nappies, tantrums and the financial burden ;)

Original poster

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 23:35

Interesting to hear that love - I think that would be the position we'd be in to be fair, but it is a big choice.

We have a very 'no kids' lifestyle in some ways (gym membership, distance cycling, cinema membership etc.) but homebody other ways. I'm fairly confident we could adjust if we wanted to.

OP posts:

Original poster

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 23:42

Should also say DP expects we won't have DC.

OP posts:

froootbat · 24/10/2014 23:43

I ached to have a baby of my own, all of a sudden - I was adamant I wasn't having kids when I was I my teens - and then started wanting kids when I was about 18/19. I was ok until I met DH, then it got really strong and worse still after we got married. I felt heavy and frustrated because I knew would couldn't have one for a long time, not until we had proper jobs etc... (We met & married while we were at uni) I'd just burst into tears because I wanted to have a baby so badly it was awful. My best friend told me she was pregnant and I was so excited for her but also wanted to shut myself away too. It felt like everyone was pregnant but Me and I got quite depressed about it. Then, whoops! Pregnant! Now I don't want any more for a while (though one born every minute still makes me cry!)

Brassrubbing · 24/10/2014 23:45

OP, I had never planned to have children, and was in a happy longterm relationship with someone equally uninterested. Then, when we were looking 40 in the face, we made a conscious decision to try to conceive while recognising it might not happen, and we were fine with that. Conceived first month, to our shock, our son was born a couple of months before my fortieth birthday, and is now a fabulous toddler. Life is more difficult but also really, really good.

I have never in my life felt broody, and was ambivalent about conceiving, but I adore my son, and am very glad I had him. I would never have considered myself the least 'maternal', but in fact I'm a good mother, I think. Obviously, there is no requirement to have a child - and we could certainly have gone on being childless and happy - but if you're worried that not feeling passionately 'broody' means you shouldn't have a child, I don't think it's any basis for thinking that. Our decision was based almost entirely on the fact we thought it would be interesting to have a child. (Which is true...)

MrsPiggie · 24/10/2014 23:45

I didn't feel broody before having children, I just knew at a very rational level that I wanted a family and got on with it. But once my 2 DCs were babies no more the broodiness started. I had times of physically painful longing for another baby, probably made worse by the fact that we had already decided not to have another child. But it might just be sadness at the passage of time and things I will never experience again rather than actual broodiness.

Only1scoop · 24/10/2014 23:48

Op I can honestly say I have never felt 'broody' in my entire life. Found myself pregnant at 37 massive shock.... Adore dd she is now 4 and amazing was a brilliant baby....but broody....no

Never ever see a baby and want to hold it....infact seeing them all tiny and needy makes me want to run off....

mupperoon · 25/10/2014 00:00

I didn't intend to have kids and never felt broody. But we had a happy accident and since she was born 11 weeks ago I've definitely felt like I want another one! My husband chucked some Mates in the shopping trolley the other day though, so probably not mutual.

Cardriver · 25/10/2014 00:01

I was broody from the age of 16 until 43 so 27 years of being seriously broody except for the times I was actually pregnant. The feeling wasn't in my head or in my heart, it came from every part of my body. It was like my body was screaming 'babies, babies, I must have babies' even when my head was saying no way is this a good idea.

I've been peri-menopausal for 2 years now and the feeling has lessened to the point where I just don't feel broody any more. But I'll never forget how powerful it was!!

Most of my friends have never been broody.

KneeQuestion · 25/10/2014 00:17

I remember, pre children, feeling broody in a 'will it ever happen' way, now, after having had 3 children, I am 40 and quite probably perimenopausal, I feel broody in a 'it will probably never happen again' way.

I would love to have another baby now. I know I am fortunate to have 3 children and it feels greedy in a way to want more, but I can't help it! it does feel like an urge I think.

It's a bit of a pig that perimenopause symptoms have led me to suspect I was pregnant recently, that has just made me feel worse.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 25/10/2014 00:25

Not read replies so I can give you my 'off the top of my head' response.

For me, it was feeling a real 'tug' when I though about babies or when other people had babies and children. And thinking about it a lot.

30somethingm · 25/10/2014 00:25

Out of interest, have any of you felt broody for teenage children? I've only heard the term used with regards to babies, toddlers and sometimes children, but how about teenagers?

I write this as a recently single, never been broody man.

Allegrogirl · 25/10/2014 00:26

I married at 23 but children were always a sometime in the future thing. I'm not a baby person. At 30 I got broody in an incredibly physical way to the point where I was seeing babies everywhere and I was jealous on mums with tiny babies. Didn't get pregnant until I was 33 by which point I was desperate.

My brain had nothing to do with it as I loved my pre DC life on festivals, gigs, pubs, lie ins! Bloody love my two DC now though.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 25/10/2014 00:29

30 - oh, yes. I have a friend whose daughter is 12, and I'm not romanticizing their relationship - I know her well and there are ups and downs - but it made me think how painful I would find it (and this is selfish, really) if I never got to try to do that relationship.

Does that make any sense?

JeanneDeMontbaston · 25/10/2014 00:30

Because, however good an 'auntie' you are, it's not the same.

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