To wonder what 'Feeling Broody' actually means?

[BuggersMuddle]

I'm 33 and I have hand on heart never felt anything I could describe as 'broody'. I have no DC but have been with DP for a long time. As a child / teen I never thought I'd have kids and was upfront with DP (way back when) that I didn't think I wanted any.

Anyway, now I'm getting older I get the odd comment from family about getting a move on etc. or that we'll come round to it (um, well, we might, but I'm 33 which is not panic stations, but nor is it 'lets hang about 10 years and see if we fancy it' territory'). DP has never really raised it although he was ambivalent (towards not) when we met and I have hammered home the age message as we are same age.

The reason for posting though was to see if anyone is willing to share what 'feeling broody' or indeed deciding to have a family without 'feeling broody' meant for people. I've been waiting for years for this 'overwhelming urge to procreate' to hit me (as people promised it would when I said I didn't want kids in my teens) and I am feeling a little defective in that it's never happened

JdM - thanks for that - I don't think you are selfish for wanting to experience that sort of relationship. What about children who are a little older than 12 - say 15 - it would be interesting to know if any people have been or are broody for teenagers around that age. I was a nightmare teen!

30 - no, don't worry, the 'selfish' was coming entirely from me!

I do also feel sad at the thought I might not get to see a child grow up, too. I will admit it's not so strong a feeling, though.

But I don't think I have that stereotypical yearning for a newborn that some people have. I do feel a pull when I hear someone is pregnant or has a baby, and I do like newborn cuddles (as who doesn't?! ). But it's not about wanting to cuddle a cute newborn - it's the idea of having that potential, all to yourself, and you get to do the best you can manage to look after them.

I've wanted a baby since I was thirteen. Three miscarriages in the last ten years and currently no plans whatsoever to TTC but I still ache for a little person to call my own. I could live with the sleepless nights, the burden, everything.

I even known when a friend or family member is giving birth, I can "feel" it. Always have.

Having read the thread properly - BM, it might be a positive thing? I understand that people who have had difficult childhoods tend to crave children. Obviously, many people on this thread aren't in that boat, but some of us probably are, and I know I am. A bit of it is feeling you'd exercise the familial love you didn't quite get to exercise as a child.

I mention this because it shows how complicated this 'broody' feeling might be - if you don't feel it, it could well be a sign of how well adjusted you are in your family.

I've never been 'broody'. I had my DS because my DH really really wanted a baby and I was ambivalent. Hated being pregnant; hated it. Love my DS so much, but he is almost two now and I haven't the slightest interest in another. If I see pregnant women or women with new borns I just thank fuck it isn't me! I've even asked if DH will consider adopting the next one so I don't have to do the pregnant/newborn horror again...he's not keen...

Have you ever felt so hungry that you could eat anything but nothing fills you up.
The same goes for broodiness, you want to fill that void.

I never felt strongly broody as such - I used to feel somewhat jealous of friends' families but I never really had that strong "tug". Only started trying to conceive when partner turned 40 and thought we better get on with it if it were ever going to happen. Spent entire pregnancy feeling like we might be making a dreadful mistake.

Now 3 months in, i can definitely imagine getting broody over adding more DCs to the collection! I've already romanticised the idea of being pregnant again and I feel totally anguished that this tiny dependent being isn't going to stay tiny and dependent forever. I just want to stop the clock and keep my baby just the way he is now, small and clingy. I'm getting all tearful now thinking about it!

Dammit OP. Now I'm thinking about babies again and it's not the right time. I'm trying to start a new career but I'd kill to be pregnant.

I had never felt broody ever until the minute I had a child. And then I just wanted to replicate the experience as many times as I could, it felt that wonderful. DH supported me on this mission right up to baby #4 and then he called time. It's probably just as well. I definitely couldn't deal with any more teenagers right now!

I've always had the desire to have children, even as far back as the age to play with dolls. Once I was of an age and financial position to have children it became a painful ache, especially around children (of any age). It was to the point where even seeing a pregnant woman or a friend announcing a pregnancy was almost agony for me. At 28 I became pregnant with my first then my second came along at 34. The urge subsided a bit although it was still there. The doctor advised 'no more' as both of mine were early, but healthy. We'd talked about a third and giving up that dream was a pang. Once DS2 reached about age 6 or so (when I reached about 40) I realized that as much as I had loved being pregnant and having a baby/toddler about, I was DONE. I still loved being around babies and little ones, but I really didn't want to go back to sleepiness nights, dirty nappies, potty training, and all the rest of it.

My only advice is to think long and hard. It's not a decision you can 'take back'. Don't have a child because you think you 'should'. Realize it's a lifelong, time consuming, life altering decision. My sons (now grown) are the light of my life and raising them was the most wonderful time of my life. BUT it is very hard work and as my BiL always says "I wouldn't take a million for the ones I have, but you couldn't pay me a million to have another one!".

I am living proof that you can have a dc without ever feeling broody whatsoever....

I had a thread a while ago similar ....as I feel a little odd sometimes....

I am missing the broody gene.... adore my dd but not that fussed about anyone else's offspring.

I would echo all the posters who say please don't have a child as an experiment to see whether you want one.

I started feeling broody around 13, thankfully I never had a way of actually doing anything about it then. However I did manage to do something about it when I was 17, with my (still) DP. That baby is 26 now and has 3 siblings, but I do still get broody. It's an ache, deep inside, and now I can't do anything about it, it sometimes makes me cry

I'm going to be a grandmother soon, and my hormones have gone mental, again..I'm having to consciously pull back so I don't annoy my dd too much

The more dc I have had, the broodier I have become!
We have three I would love another
But I know if we had four I would still love another and so on

I have never felt broody and never felt my life was incomplete by not having children. When I was told I was very unlikely to ever conceive it wasn't the end of the world for me. I got pregnant at 38 but miscarried and wasn't even upset about that. I then got pregnant at 41 and when DD was born I loved her utterly and completely, but still never felt broody, which is just as well because I never managed to give DD a sibling.

I admit to not being able to understand why some women feel so worthless if they don't have a child. There is so much more to life than having babies, but maybe I lack some hormones or the broody gene.

Bunbaker I don't understand that either, but then I suppose I wouldn't when I'm 'missing' the pull that others describe upthread.

From the mix of responses that doesn't seem as uncommon as I thought when I posted the OP.

I never wanted DCs and had talked DH out of them until I turned 35 and went what can only be described as bonkers. I started looking out for babies, tearing up at random babies in the street and even dreaming of babies. I am now 41, breast feeding newborn DC2 as I type and the only thing I can think of is how to talk DP into DC3. Hormones are a funny thing. I suspect I will be a delight during the menopause!

Is it a hormonal thing then?

Bun and Buggers

I certainly relate and don't feel like such an odd one out now.

It's a good job we are all different from a population perspective. I have 3 already and would happily have 5 or 6 if we had more money and were younger. Maybe it's an evolutionary thing that there are people who constantly want to procreate, balanced out by people who really don't?

Although obviously humans were designed for when other factors like disease and food availability kept the population down too.

For me it was a kind of obsession, invading my thoughts and dreams with a longing or yearning. I have dd now and am really struggling to conceive dc2, which has been heartbreaking in a different way but the strength of broodiness I had before dd hasn't returned, for which I am grateful. I don't think a lack of broodiness says anything at all about your potential as a parent but it must make it more difficult to take the plunge as all the sane, rational reasons not to have children are easy to ignore if the alternative is living with that overwhelming broodiness. It would be a terrifying leap into the unknown otherwise and who knows what I would have decided.

longest It does make the prospect really quite terrifying, which is why I fully expect not to have any children since neither of us has a strong urge. Intellectually I know we could provide a good life & loving home if we did decide to have kids, but it's not like you can take them back to the shop if it doesn't work out

Of course there's always the possibility I go a bit bonkers in the way Booboostoo describes!