To wonder what 'Feeling Broody' actually means?

[BuggersMuddle]

I'm 33 and I have hand on heart never felt anything I could describe as 'broody'. I have no DC but have been with DP for a long time. As a child / teen I never thought I'd have kids and was upfront with DP (way back when) that I didn't think I wanted any.

Anyway, now I'm getting older I get the odd comment from family about getting a move on etc. or that we'll come round to it (um, well, we might, but I'm 33 which is not panic stations, but nor is it 'lets hang about 10 years and see if we fancy it' territory'). DP has never really raised it although he was ambivalent (towards not) when we met and I have hammered home the age message as we are same age.

The reason for posting though was to see if anyone is willing to share what 'feeling broody' or indeed deciding to have a family without 'feeling broody' meant for people. I've been waiting for years for this 'overwhelming urge to procreate' to hit me (as people promised it would when I said I didn't want kids in my teens) and I am feeling a little defective in that it's never happened

I felt broody.
low, upset, empty. Thinking about babies all the time. Crying when my period arrived, tears whenever I saw a baby or pregnant woman.
I just knew I really needed a baby. Needed one.

OP - reading your post it could be me talking about myself! Neither DP nor I especially motivated to have one, but can't bring ourselves to rule it out either, and time is ticking. It plays on my mind more and more, I wish I did just feel suddenly overwhelmingly broody so the decision would be made for me by my body, but I can't imagine that ever happening...

I have always loved children,and have been a nursery nurse on and off over the last ten years,however i never felt an urge until I realised that time was running away from me! I always assumed I'd have children when the feeling kicked in and I don't feel it ever really did.

I think it was a cumilation of my age (I didn't want to be an older mother as would find it stressful that I would have been deemed more of a risky pregnancy), feeling conscious of always being 'the married couple with no children'at parties and getting to a point in my relationship and career where I thought 'what's next?' And didn't know the answer....

We had such a wonderful life before but I also knew that I wanted to have children in my life and that I couldn't wait forever until I felt "broody"

My husband and I absolutely adore our daughter,I have given up work and she is at the front and centre of both our worlds, however a word of warning..it has changed our marriage irreparably and not necessarily for the better,it's ok because we adore our child and know we will get through it but understand in another couple this coul prove a huge source of resentment and regret.

I also think that having children changes your life and not necessarily for the better. My life after having DD is different, not better, just different.

DD is currently going through the teenage angst stage - boyfriend and friendship issues and I have found this far more stressful than any work stress I have experienced.

When someone hurts your child they hurt you, and when you feel powerless to do anything about it you feel like you have let them down. It is a truly awful feeling.

I have thought a lot about kids but I've never really felt broody. I'm 24 and a baby right now would be my worst nightmare, I have so many things I want to do.

DP and I talked about it and decided to get a puppy as a trial run. I'm so glad we did because my dog annoys the life out of me and I actually resent him sometimes because of the commitment required the thought of having a baby and being so tied down with a little thing that's totally reliant on me and all of my free time makes me feel a bit ill

I totally get where you are coming from bunbaker it's the realisation that you will never be truly 'carefree' ever again!

The problem is that cherry is totally right about the downsides. The question is whether the upsides, which are so intangible, can outweigh them. For me and most parents they do a hundred times over, but it would be perfectly valid for them not to, and I don't know how you can tell in advance whether they will for you. Fwiw I don't miss any of the things I thought I'd miss half as much as I expected to - nights out and holidays - dd has brought a new focus and social life that's made those less important (though still nice on occasion obviously) but I do struggle sometimes with the lack of downtime and constantly being on duty.

I never felt broody either. In fact I remember feeling pretty repulsed by pregnancy and childbirth and compared it in my mind to that scene from Alien. I had a vague idea of wanting DC in the future but no idea how I'd get over my sense of horror about it all.
Then I caught the bus one day, aged 24. I saw a baby being lifted by its mother and I felt a twang in the pit of my stomach. That was the moment I knew I wanted a baby of my own and that I'd get over the fear. I never felt the twang again.
I went off the pill aged 29 and my hormones went off the scale and took over for me. I was mad for DH when I ovulated, conceived first month and went all tiger mum during pregnancy.
I remember taking tiny DS1 to a baby group and the more experienced mums being surprised that he was my first, but ime, both my babies were made for me to look after, we are each other's world for that short time - of course we fit together.
I love to cuddle and coo over other babies but the broodiness is only triggered by my own memories of my pregnancies and children. I was cuddling 1 day old DS2 (5mo now) when I felt the need to be pregnant again. Hormones are ridiculous things sometimes, but it's been an amazing process to go through. I can hardly believe I was the Alien/motherhood girl now -
being a mum rocks! I'm snuggling and kissing the face off DS2 in bed now.

Aaawwww! How gorgeous jessica!

I think broody is a baby-related thing. I never felt it, neither did my dh. But we wanted a child. We loved our ds as a small baby and didn't oarticularly struggle (no birth trauma, relatively easy bf, no PND) but now he's one we are both besotted :)
I always knew I would prefer the toddler bit but honestly, I looove it :)

Don't let a lack of desire for "babies" put you off - the fiest year passes so quickly and before you know it you've got a little person walking round the house :)

I've never felt "broody" either as in some women express deep yearning when they look at babies and children which I have never felt.

I do love babies, they are so precious and they smell so good and they are nice to hold and cuddle but in the same way that my friends are IYSWIM. I didn't ever have a strong urge to actually have babies.

Until I fell pregnant in February this year and then had a mmc in May which was completely devastating. The due date is fast approaching and I feel so broken when I think that had things turned out differently I would be holding our baby in a couple of weeks. That devastates me and I worry that perhaps I am not meant to be a mother. I miss our baby and will miss 'him' forever but even now I don't feel jealous or envious of other women's bumps or children. I do however want our own baby.

I don't understand it either so can see how what I've said doesn't make sense!

This is an interesting thread, OP. I also have never experienced 'broodiness' and have wondered what kind of sensation the word describes.

Do you think men experience a version of it? I ask because amongst my own social group, the push for children has usually come from the male partner (in hetero couples obv.).

Not sure Sicaq

I'm sure there must be something, but no idea what. Most of my male friends don't have children (perhaps an age thing, given men tend to be a little older first time fathers).

I suppose though - outside of the anonymity of the internet - there are probably a very limited group to whom most men or women would confide that they were desperate for a baby. It's probably more expected / acceptable for a woman to say they have an overwhelming longing for a child than a man (which is a whole different issue)

Either way, I doubt many would choose me to confide in because my thoughts on children are fairly well known among my friends (because as a woman I am asked about my childbearing plans far more often than my DP).

I wasn't broody when DH and I decided to have DS. I was in my mid 20s and we had enough money and decided to go for it as it was something we both thought we wanted eventually. Then all of a sudden, when DS reached about 1 I started getting an urge to get pregnant again. I can't really describe it, but an excitement at the idea of having another and a little burning feeling inside when I looked at baby gros etc. Extremely odd! I'm 7 months pregnant with my second now and I'm really scared! Not all those sleepless nights again!

Broody for me was feeling like I would die inside if I didn't have a child. Irrational but I could not ignore it. I felt like I could not go on any longer without one.

Me neither, first pregnancy was unplanned. Second very much planned and happened straight away so never ever felt broody. I think I'm very lucky.

I knew I was broody when things that were in the plan for before babies weren't happening as quickly as I thought they would and I was getting cross about it. Like finishing our wreck of a house. It wasn't a physical or emotional thing like it is for a lot of people, mine was more a practical thing.

"Broody for me was feeling like I would die inside if I didn't have a child. Irrational but I could not ignore it. I felt like I could not go on any longer without one."

Now, I have never had that feeling. It must be awful to feel like that when circumstances mean that it isn't going to happen.

I felt broody, from about the age of 14 until I had DS at 20. It was a feeling of being empty, feeling like something was missing, that I should have that heaviness in my arms. I used to sleep on my front or put pillows/heavy fabrics across my stomach so I could feel a kind of pressure there, mimicking the feeling of pregnancy. I used to read child development books and childcare manuals secretly in the library/bookshops because I thought people would think I was insane, and I also read every book about teenage pregnancy that I could.

If I ever held a baby or even the weighted doll things they have for schools, that made it even worse and stronger. I always had really strong ideas about how I'd do stuff as well. Funnily enough I loved every minute of pregnancy to 0-3 years old, after that it got tough, I suppose because I hadn't really considered that age, but also because I'd expected my only child to have a sibling by that age too, which I think would have helped.

Interesting that someone mentioned it being about wanting to create a family atmosphere you never had. I had a small family, just me, DSis and DM. I always wanted 5 children, a big, busy, happy family with everyone crammed into bunk beds. Instead I'm married but have one child from a previous relationship who is 6, so no close in age, and probably not loads more. Two more maybe. I latched right onto DH's big, busy, annoying but lovable family too as soon as I met them. Parenting wise, I find the practical stuff harder than I'd thought I would and the having to be grown up part is hard too. Probably partially because I was so bloody lax with contraception and had DS at 20 in an unstable relationship, thinking it didn't really matter if the dad swanned off because I'd have this great strong single mum thing going on. Nope, it's hard. News flash

I have never again been as broody as I was before having DS, I won't take risks like I used to, if I could absolutely rewrite my life I wouldn't have had him when I did, I can see now it was utterly stupid to give in to those feelings. By giving into hormones and the whims of a careless partner I robbed myself of the busy, happy family I could have had, because we're just never going to catch up financially in order to be in a position to do it, and I'm never going to catch up personally to have the energy and patience to be able to do things the way I want to, and plus I never got to have a pre-children adult life.

DH has been broody since he lost an unborn child at 16.

I know you're not asking to hear from those who have never felt broody/wanted children, but I don't think it can hurt this thread to give that perspective as well.

I've never wanted children and have never felt broody. I'm now approaching menopause and haven't regretted staying child free for one second. I am genuinely of the opinion that having children would have ruined my life (or at least made it a hell of lot less enjoyable and fulfilling).

I am a little bit fascinated by the broody feeling that people report. I can't imagine it at all. Really, not at all. I think I'm not bad at empathy generally , but this has me at a loss. And I find it interesting how it appears to affect some people and not others. Is it genetic?

And has it been shown that men get the same sort of broodiness/intensity of broodiness that some women do? I'm sort of guessing that men's desire for children is somehow different (for example based on a desire for some sort of immortality through passing on genes), but I'm basing that on no evidence whatsoever.

@Sicaq. Most of my male friends don't want children ever, but then most of my male friends are relatively young (early 30s), and career-focussed. I'm undecided, but leaning towards not having them.

I always felt a pang or longing for a baby, I'd never felt it before and had no desire to have any dc until I held dn! Damn you sil We had dd, I was completely against another then the pang came back when dd was 2. I unfortunately suffered 3 mc's over two years and the pang became this huge desperate feeling of longing for a baby. It took over everything. Saw babies everywhere and would feel this crippling pain every time I saw a baby. After giving up ttc, I fell pg with Ds.

I've never ever felt broody - I liked DC - I used to do loads of babysitting, was an au pair, have done years and years of voluntary work with children but I never, ever felt I wanted my 'own' child.

I made it very clear to my DH that I never wanted DC before we married and he agreed - however he changed his mind after many years of marriage - I assumed it was far too late but I did have a child in my early 40s - of course I love my DC and hope I am a 'good enough' mother but I can honestly say I didn't bond easily and find being a parent incredibly hard. I don't think everyone feels broody and I really agree with thecatneuterer's comments in that I am genuinely interested in what 'broodyiness' feels like and why so many women feel such an urge to have children.

I've always known that I wanted to have children. I can't remember when I started feeling broody, but it got more and more intense as I moved through my twenties, and by my late twenties it was a definite physical ache. It wasn't really about consciously wanting children at all, but more of a strong urge to be pregnant or to hold and breastfeed a very new baby. Probably the closest thing I can compare it to is the sort of insense unfocussed sexual desire that I had as a young teenager where I thought about kissing and sex with fantasy men pretty much constantly even though I was wasn't ready to actually have sex yet and wasn't interested in any of the boys I knew.