Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To wonder what 'Feeling Broody' actually means?

105 replies

BuggersMuddle · 24/10/2014 22:47

I'm 33 and I have hand on heart never felt anything I could describe as 'broody'. I have no DC but have been with DP for a long time. As a child / teen I never thought I'd have kids and was upfront with DP (way back when) that I didn't think I wanted any.

Anyway, now I'm getting older I get the odd comment from family about getting a move on etc. or that we'll come round to it (um, well, we might, but I'm 33 which is not panic stations, but nor is it 'lets hang about 10 years and see if we fancy it' territory'). DP has never really raised it although he was ambivalent (towards not) when we met and I have hammered home the age message as we are same age.

The reason for posting though was to see if anyone is willing to share what 'feeling broody' or indeed deciding to have a family without 'feeling broody' meant for people. I've been waiting for years for this 'overwhelming urge to procreate' to hit me (as people promised it would when I said I didn't want kids in my teens) and I am feeling a little defective in that it's never happened

OP posts:

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 08:16

I have never had a broody moment in my life.

I have 4 DCs - had DS1 when I was 37.

Bugers, having children is NOT compulsory, so if it's not for you, well, don't have any - as time said in her very first reply to your OP, babies really don't make any sense when you consider it rationally

For me it was a long game/taking the long view: I never wanted a baby, but quite wanted children who would grow in to adults with their own lives and how may or may not have children themselves. I liked the idea of being part of 'something bigger' - I knew some of my great-grandparents and love the idea of families stretching forwards and backwards in time and history.

SpanielFace · 26/10/2014 08:22

I never felt broody. I always felt babies were something that may or may not happen, and either way would be ok, but it was in the long distant future. No interest in cuddling friends' babies, I felt they were a strange, somewhat boring, slightly scary prospect. I fell pregnant accidentally at 31, and to be honest spent most of my pregnant wondering if I'd done the right thing in keeping it, despite being in a stable long term relationship, financially secure etc. I just wasn't sure if I would actually love the baby. It all changed when DS arrived.

I am now desperately broody, we lost a second baby earlier this year and currently TTC again. It was like having DS switched on my broody gene.

However, I still have very little interest in cuddling other people's babies, and if I'm honest, I still find little babies a bit dull. It's the little people they turn into who I really love. DS is 2 years and 2 months, and I enjoy being his mum more and more every day. Watching little personalities develop is the most amazing thing ever.

MollyBdenum · 26/10/2014 08:25

I'm not that keen on other people's babies either. Even when I was broody, I wanted my babies, not someone else's.

Bunbaker · 26/10/2014 08:26

"I really agree with thecatneuterer's comments in that I am genuinely interested in what 'broodyiness' feels like and why so many women feel such an urge to have children."

Same here. I had a very fulfilled and happy life and never felt that anything was missing. Now that I have DD I love her to bits although I find parenting very, very hard. It hasn't helped that she has had some serious health issues, and now she is having problems at school. I feel that the worry of having children has taken over everything else and I simply can't be carefree and worry free any more. That probably says more about me than my circumstances, but there seems to have been more heartbreaking moments than happy moments in my experience of parenthood.

I shudder to think how I would have coped if I had had 3 or 4 children.

Serenitysutton · 26/10/2014 08:32

I am very much like callamia. My husband has always wanted children and wanted to start about 25. For all sorts of reasons that was inappropriate so we waited until early 30s. It was a practical choice as I hadn't made the decision to be childless so children were the default. I don't think I felt broody but DH did. Am pregnant now and when I think of holding a baby or do the nursery ect It makes me cry; sort of from happiness but actually more it's just so overwhelmingly
Emotional I'm not sure I have the emotions to deal with it

ItsGotBellsOn · 26/10/2014 08:37

I vaguely knew that I wanted my own children, but imagined it as happening at some point in my thirties, maybe. Then I met my DH and the feeling struck at about 27. It was absolutely overwhelming. 'Broody' doesnt really feel like the right word, it seems so fluffy. This was an extreme, primal NEED to have a baby.

After my first child was born, I also had a vague notion that we would have amother at some stage, but was knackered with the one, and so didnt really think about it or disvuss it too deeply with DH. But when DC1 turned 3, the same feeling came back - very sudden and intense - and we went ahead and had DC2.

Nowadays, in the last throes of my fertility and with two primary school aged kids, I get the odd 'pang' of broodiness. A nostalgia for baby snuggles and for being pregnant...but its manageable, its controllable and my head overrides it by saying 'dont be daft'. The broodiness I had before was NOT like that.

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 08:37

Serenitysutton, your baby will have you trained in now time when it arrived - congrats!

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 08:38

no time

mrsdavidbowie · 26/10/2014 08:38

I have never felt broody. Married at 35, never felt as if I wanted children. I have two and although I love them dearly , would have been content without them.

Serenitysutton · 26/10/2014 09:04

Thank you pacific

2rebecca · 26/10/2014 09:27

I never felt broody and I'm not sure that emotions alone are a good reason to have children or keep having more children.
I love my kids very much but have never been fussed about other people's kids, or wanted to hold random babies.
We just decided in our early 30s that we didn't want to not have kids so stopped using contraception.

BertieBotts · 26/10/2014 09:47

It's weird, in that (I was broody,) I wanted babies and toddlers but don't particularly like babies. I like newborns in that "Oh, I remember that precious time" and the fact that they are so incredibly small, and I love toddlers, it was always the part of watching a personality develop that I liked. And interestingly, I don't experience the "Oh it's all worth it!" mushy feeling when DS says "I love you mummy" or gives me a kiss/cuddle etc. Yeah it's nice, but it's basically the same as if my sister, mum, friend, long term boyfriend/husband says those things. It's not magically more special and fulfilling and makes the hard bits worth it that I see others talk about. The bits that make it worth it for me are when I'm reminded that I'm seeing this window into the adult that he will become and I get to see him develop and I find all that fascinating. I love any kind of watching him learn/explore/do things for the first time, watching him change. I don't get the sorrow that they grow up too fast.

Yes like Molly it was like a physical ache, and it started far before I was actually physically mature (started at 14, or you know, actually possibly around 12, I can't actually remember TBH) but I didn't start my periods until nearly 16, and wasn't sexually active until 18 and wasn't really ready to be until I was probably about 20, but I didn't realise that at the time.

Cardriver · 26/10/2014 10:09

Broody for me was feeling like I would die inside if I didn't have a child.

It was a feeling of being empty, feeling like something was missing, that I should have that heaviness in my arms.

It wasn't really about consciously wanting children at all

These statements describe how I felt

It's too simplistic to say that emotions are not a good enough reason to have babies, because broodiness is far more than that, a deep, deep need to have a baby. And us broody people don't always succumb to that need and keep having babies. I lived with the broodiness from the age of 16 until I had DC1 at 27. In my early twenties I was devastated each month when I got my period even though I was on the pill and took it religiously

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 10:12

I don't disagree that feeling broody is a good reason to have children, but equally NOT feeling broody should not stop anybody either - it was a total head decision here

Only1scoop · 26/10/2014 10:33

Pacific puts it perfectly....

Don't let it put you off....I've read some of the posts and have thanked my lucky stars that I've never had that 'broody' thing going on....it sounds as if it can become all consuming....

A friend who like me left it much later to have a dc ....described it as "she felt as if her body needed to have a baby"

I never felt any of the feelings described here....I used to think I was slightly odd as not overly maternal either....however dd came along and just got on with it....glad I did and glad I didn't let my own pre conceived 'oddness' put me off....

RoseTheHat · 26/10/2014 10:52

Pure hormones in my case...desperately wanting to be pregnant, ovulation sent me sex crazy every month. I'm not a baby fan at all, I love watching them grow up - one of my best parenting moments has been watching DD skip off into Reception, so happy and ready for her next step. I'm seriously broody for number 3, it's not especially practical for us but again after swearing to everyone I was done... my hormones have gone loopy and I want DH to ravish me without contraception

Bunbaker · 26/10/2014 10:57

Does anyone know the scientific reason why some women are more broody than others?

I think I was always lacking in the hormone department. I never had PMT or troublesome periods, and breezed through the menopause. Maybe that is why I never had the deep seated physical "need" to have a baby.

Or was it that I had a fulfilling life with no empty gaps.

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 10:59

Bunbaker, that question is a source of deep fascination to me - why are different women so differently affected by the same hormones??

I sure don't know. I have never had PMT, have easy trouble free periods, conceived quickly, had no MS worth mentioning (am awaiting the menopause with bated breath ), my mother was much the same. She was v broody for DCs, I was not.

Might be a study in it right there.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 26/10/2014 11:00

I wonder if it is scientific?

I know that people have found children who have less-than-ideal childhoods very often have a strong drive to have their own babies, so some of it might be socially conditioned, even if it manifests as a physical feeling?

JeanneDeMontbaston · 26/10/2014 11:01

(Sorry, muddled thinking there. Of course, social conditioning is something you could investigate (social) scientifically too!)

PacificWerewolf · 26/10/2014 11:02

Personally, I believe that hormones get 'blamed' for many things that are not entirely biochemically explainable - I have no evidence to back that up, but yes, I think a lot is social conditioning and misogyny

JeanneDeMontbaston · 26/10/2014 11:04

I think that's true.

It's a colloquial shorthand, isn't it? 'I feel broody, must be my hormones'.

Cardriver · 26/10/2014 14:04

Don't let it put you off....I've read some of the posts and have thanked my lucky stars that I've never had that 'broody' thing going on....it sounds as if it can become all consuming....

I agree, it's much better to make the decision with your head rather than feeling like you just have to have a baby. My broodiness was so all consuming that I didn't feel in control of it

FWIW I've never had PMT or troublesome periods and the menopause (2 years in) hasn't caused me any problems. BUT I did have a less than ideal childhood and all I wanted from a very young age is to have a family of my own.

Ragwort · 26/10/2014 17:34

Bunbaker & Pacific - I agree with your comments - I also wonder if 'broodyness' is linked to hormones - I have never had period problems/PMT or that sense of 'knowing' when your period is due - had no problems either with the menopause .......... I wonder if I just don't have 'hormones' (is that possible? ) ......... no sex drive either (ever - sorry if TMI ).

Brassrubbing · 27/10/2014 11:44

I don't know, Ragwort. I have a strong sex drive, always know when I'm ovulating and when my period is due, no PMT issues, but made a 'head decision' to try to have a child at 39 (conceived first time, uncomplicated pregnancy) - broodiness is a completely foreign concept to me.

And what I'm enjoying about parenthood is very much what Bertie describes upthread - the pleasure of watching a personality emerge, and a small thinking person start to look around at the world.

If I'm being entirely honest, I occasionally think I had a child when I did just because I had finished a huge, longterm book project, and was slightly bored...

I had a deprived, overcrowded, but not terribly unhappy childhood - though I can't help feeling it must be significant that out of the four of my siblings, I'm the only one to have children. No fertility issues.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5