competitive parenting

[pinkpaws]

I live in N Ireland we have a two tier eduction system here Grammar and secondary . Grammar being determined on passing an entrance exam. We also have very good secondary schools . My point is that regardless of where any child goes is the most important thing not that they are happy and learning at their own pace. My daughter is about to move from primary and i have discovered a world of pushy ridiculous mothers who seem to think they need to have their children privately tutored to get them to Grammar school. The real feeling is if they they miss the grade this is some sort of shame to be suffered by the whole family. They talk of children needing to leave school with 12 GCSE all above a C grade my god please tell me this is not normal.

Why is it a bad thing if the parents want their children to have the very best at their future? A child can be happy and do very well at school.

Unfortunately it does sound fairly normal, I'd agree that children need to leave school with GCSEs all above a grade C although I'm not sure that they have to take 12.

I don't agree with it being shameful if a child doesn't get into grammar school but I don't see anything wrong in trying to help them get in.

There's nothing wrong with pushing your kids within reason and you're not making their life a misery.

I fully agree we all want our children to have the best of everything that of course includes education. But this pushy almost aggressive approach can not be good. Our children should be taught that their best is all we ask of them not the number of GCSE that must be produced at the end of year 12 .

"They talk of children needing to leave school with 12 GCSE all above a C grade my god please tell me this is not normal."

GCSE grade C is about average. Most kids don't take twelve, though.

Depends what you mean by normal. If your 9/10 year old is academically successful and interested then yes, getting all grade C and above at GCSE is the bare minimum achievement they should be aiming for. If they're not - and half of all kids are below average academically because that's what average means - then no it's not normal, and nor should it be presented as the only thing which matters.

I also cant help feeling at times that some parents seem to feel that if their children are seen to fail whatever that might mean it is a direct reflection on them as parents.

There was a rumour in my local area that one mum was hiring all of the local tutors, not because her dc needed them but so they weren't available to tutor anyone else.

No idea how true it is but it terrified me. I am determined to rise above it all when our time comes...!

I really believe that with excellent teaching, involved family and tailored approaches, the vast majority of children should be able to get GCSEs at above a C. Our expectations are way too low.

And, yes, I have worked with children and teens with LDs and STILL believe this.

I fear we live in a society where academic success is celebrated above all else .

No, no we really don't.

Why do you fear that and why does seem such a bad thing to you?
In the real world, it matters greatly and determines a lot of how you would live your life.

I want my child to do well and i have no doubt she will but NEVER at the cost of stressing her or making her feel her best is not good enough . The sad fact is the children dont care they just want to go to the sae school as their friends it is the terrier mums as like to call them who care way to much.

You are focusing too much on other peoples parenting. Do what you see as best for your child and I'm sure they will do too.

success comes in many forms if we lived in a society with many more rounded human beings we all would be alot better of . That includes the children with 12 GCSE.

When I was in school it was ok if you got six or seven o levels and over a C was what you aimed for. These days it does seem like children are expected to get As and A*s or whatever the top mark is called.

Personally I would rather my son be happy than push him to extraordinary lengths ike the ones you describe.

I'm with you OP. I have a dyslexic child and for us, learning at the child's pace, focusing on strengths etc. is genuinely what it's all about. Statements like "children need to leave school with 12 GCSEs all above a grade C" are just meaningless to me - what if it's just not going to happen? We don't use private tutors because hothousing and pressure are counterproductive (though the school's learning support provision is sensitive and very helpful). It's far more important for us to use non-school time to encourage him in other interests, things that aren't taught at school, creative things he's into, to help with self-esteem and broaden his opportunities for working life later.

I think if you are inside that academically competitive parenting world it's probably hard to see beyond it. But I am really glad I'm not in it. Aside from the fact that DS's dyslexia is tough for him, I'm grateful to it as it's taught me a lot about how everyone is valuable, everyone has different skills and academic performance is not all that matters.

I disassociate myself with the terrier mum my child is average some things she is better at than others like most of us. I guess i just never knew how many of them out there there really is.

I have 13 GCSEs, all C and above. I am in a job, rather than a career, and earn a low wage. It was a State school, though, which is probably why.

Grammar/Private are about so much more than just the education - connections, social activities, volume of.prep and homework, all combine and add to the results. Many parents want their DCs in a school which will offer them more than GCSEs. A child who.is hardworking and capable of acheiving the grades will do good anywhere.

I grew up in n Ireland and I went to secondary school. My parents did not push or even encourage me to do the 11 plus after my older sisters both failed it, though I was very able academically and musically talented. I did do very well at secondary school but looking back I wish I had been pushed to go to grammar school, as it did offer more opportunities, especially music wise.

I don't agree with grammar schools. But if you live in an area with grammar schools you can't blame people for doing their best to make sure their DC's go to what they feel is the better school.

My idea of success is a child who moves from primary school successfully can make friends experience new subjects . Gain confidence and enjoy being a child . That is what matters and a child like that will have his or her GCSE.

Universities only look at the 10 best GCSEs for a candidate. Schools hate you to know this as you can correctly argue that your child should do 10 to the best of their ability rather than 12 not quite so well. As high numbers of GCSEs flatter parents just like this.

I live in an area with a super selective grammar school however it is also the school which provides the most extra curricular activities too so does far more to encourage the children to be as rounded as they can be. No other school in the area offers the breadth of subjects or experiences that the grammar does.