competitive parenting

[pinkpaws]

I live in N Ireland we have a two tier eduction system here Grammar and secondary . Grammar being determined on passing an entrance exam. We also have very good secondary schools . My point is that regardless of where any child goes is the most important thing not that they are happy and learning at their own pace. My daughter is about to move from primary and i have discovered a world of pushy ridiculous mothers who seem to think they need to have their children privately tutored to get them to Grammar school. The real feeling is if they they miss the grade this is some sort of shame to be suffered by the whole family. They talk of children needing to leave school with 12 GCSE all above a C grade my god please tell me this is not normal.

To be honest, I don't think having your child privately tutored is going to extraordinary lengths. We don't have grammar schools in Scotland, but if we did and I wanted to give my child the best chance of getting in I would certainly look at getting them any extra help they needed.

That said, I'm not in favour of pushing children in a direction they simply aren't suited to. You have to have realistic expectations and if a child isn't academic tutoring isn't going to change that. You need to put them in the best place to make the most of their talents and for a lot of children that isn't a grammar school.

I can't see anything pushy or extraordinary in the situation you described. Of course you want your child to do their best. A tutor is there to help them achieve that. If your child barely failed the 11+ wouldn't you think "what if"? I have a few friends who tutor their children, I see it as them taking an interest in their children, not stealing their childhood. Grammar school opens so many opportunities that it would be silly not to try for it. If a child is not academic, then that's fine. But if they have the inclination and abilities to do well, you have to do your best to help them achieve it.

I don't see it as competitive or pushy, it's just wanting the very best for your child.

Pink you come across as it being an either or situation. Surely a child should achieve more than having friends, being confident and 'learning at their own pace'. In the real world of universities, careers and the rest of your life you should aim higher for your child.

My experience of schools in NI is ancient history, but do children who go to the secondary schools there now get a chance to go to university?

In my young day the local secondary school was extremely underresourced and underfunded and only babysat the pupils until they reached school leaving age. Also all the intimidating kids went there.

I personally was terrified of failing my 11+

And as a parent I would force any child of mine to go to university, but I certainly wouldn't want that option to be permanently closed off for them because of how they did in an exam at the age of 10 or 11.

Tutoring is the one of the evils that caused the mess in the N Ireland education system in the first place. The 11+ being scrapped because it was so stressful it was all this tutoring nonsense and pushy parenting that made it stressful so now we have the AQE which has to be more stressful.
We have went through it twice now with both children gaining a place at grammar and neither with tutoring. What is the point my codons son is in yr 8 now and struggling to keep up with the work having got his grammar place after being tutored since the summer of p5. I feel so sorry for him that he feels like he's failing when he probably would be coping well at one of the excellent local high schools.
I couldn't care which school my children go to as long as they work hard and give their work their best effort

*cousins son

Mexican whilst depending on your area in NI like the rest if the Uk there are some awful secondary schools but locally to me quite a lot do have 6th years and would have children going to university's. Others would have students transferring to the grammar, colleges or other for a levels to pursue the path to university.
I don't think it's a given that you are written off at aged 11.

I'm glad OP.

I did get into grammar school and got a good education, but was miserable.