Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that dd 14 has the right to not be tickled by her father ?

100 replies

cestlavielife · 22/10/2014 22:47

Dd14 hates tickles. Always has. Has told her dad (my exp) so many times.
Today exp dropped off dd 12 from swimming (she doesn't mind so much) then went over to dd1 on sofa leant over her began tickling she kicked him said stop he carried on I pulled him off her..

I Shouted stop she doesn't like it has told you.
He started shouting "I can tickle her if I want it s what fathers do. "
"The only reason she doesn't like it is because of what you have put in her head... I am her father. I can tickle her. " managed to get him to leave...

Long backstory and dd1 has little contact with him anyway ie only when he drops off or picks up dd2...but yet again she is saying this has left her feeling assaulted and scared. That he just won't listen,

Can I report it? As crossing boundaries ? Assault? She and I have told him calmly so many times that she does not want to be tickled (mauled) by him or by anyone. That he should respect that. Just won't listen.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/10/2014 09:57

YANBU. DD should be treated with respect by everyone including her father.

Original poster
cestlavielife · 23/10/2014 09:59

I have texted to say no coming in the flat. he says he "was just playing with my daughter" and what is wrong with that?! quite disturbing.
am in contact with ss waiting for call back

OP posts:
Lweji · 23/10/2014 10:08

I'd forget about arguing the point with him.
Just tell him that he is forbidden from entering the flat, or you will call the police, and further "play" without her consent will also be reported.

Original poster
cestlavielife · 23/10/2014 11:04

have learned not to argue any point.
have repeated no coming in the flat.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 23/10/2014 11:31

.

To think that dd 14 has the right to not be tickled by her father ?
Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2014 11:51

I would renterace that it is wrong to touch somebody against their wishes, he has no right to do that.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2014 11:51

Reiterate I meant

wol1968 · 23/10/2014 12:06

TheMaddHugger that has to be the coolest picture anyone has ever posted on MN for a very long time. Spot on. Grin

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 23/10/2014 12:33

You have totally made the right call op, he sounds horrible.

Is your your younger dd more malleable and therefore less threatening to his control?

Honestly I wouldn't want him near either girl as he's totally overstepping and worse ignoring boundaries here and it had sexual overtones.

We had a bus driver in the 70s who tickled us in our pants. Parents ignored it as they did then but it was assault.

You are being a good mum.

HSMMaCM · 23/10/2014 12:50

My teenage dd recently decided she didn't want hugs any more. We fully respected her decision. We hugged her when she came to us and ask permission if we want to hold her close. As a result she has become much more huggy again. We have always confirmed no means no and it's important she knows that.

HSMMaCM · 23/10/2014 12:51

I have saved mad huggers picture for her

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2014 13:01

Yes mad huggers picture is great. I agree nether girl should see him or Ds if he doesent want to. Stop contact if I were you.

feelingdizzy · 23/10/2014 13:06

Oh wow, OP this could be my ex, including MH issues. It is strange to see it all laid out in black and white, also very helpful.
My ex has moved abroad and I have always tried to support his and the kids relationship, but do you know what my dd(12) told me she was glad he wasn't around really anymore. She said he was like a 'dementor ' from Harry Potter sucking the joy from everything.
I think you always hope that if you do the right thing, that they will do the right thing, the media is full of stories about mothers keeping their children from their fathers, but there seem to be so few descriptions of women like us who want their children to have happy healthy relationships with their fathers, but these men (and women) are unable to meet your children's needs.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in dealing with this. TheMadHugger, have printed out this picture, fantastic

Alicebannedit · 23/10/2014 13:18

OP it's so simple really isn't it? yet again she is saying this has left her feeling assaulted and scared it's how people make you feel that's the crux and your DD has put it so clearly.

I wish you success however you choose to tackle this problem Flowers

TheMaddHugger · 23/10/2014 13:57

major Trigger

I was molested by a family member most of my childhood.

I feel very strongly about this subject.

No means NO means NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mathanxiety · 23/10/2014 14:28

I hope you are keeping all the texts he sends about this.

Texts like that would give SS a different version of him from the one they may have seen when they talked to him.

"No reason to limit (DS) contact with dad" Hmm

HolgerDanske · 23/10/2014 14:35

Yes that is her right, absolutely.

Original poster
cestlavielife · 23/10/2014 14:37

ss on the case...clearly new sw hadnt read the whole file relating to pvs episodes...updated them and hopefully will now... plus will report to 101.

OP posts:
Original poster
cestlavielife · 23/10/2014 14:40

TheMaddHugger thankyou so much for that pic. will keep.

OP posts:
Shonajay · 24/10/2014 06:23

God how awful. I know nothing about preventing it, but they won't have to see him alone will they? Just concerned he gets worse because he's been thwarted.

CalmAndConfused · 24/10/2014 06:48

You need to stop him from doing this. My father used to do it to me, it was a form of sexual abuse which formed part of the abuse he inflicted on me.

I agree it could also be grooming behaviour - showing your DD's that they can't stop him doing what he wants even when people are present, so if anything happened there's no point telling anyone. ..

Romeyroo · 24/10/2014 07:01

The maddhugger, my xH used to continually flout physical boundaries, and he was very controlling and abusive. But could also be very charming and convincing to outsiders about having dc best interests at heart. I had to stop him hugging my DD against her will, before we split (partly because I did not want DD to grow up with that).

Basically this man has entered your house without permission, and physically touched your daughter against her will. I agree it is assault and you should report. It is also very intrusive as her home should be her safe space. DD2 will be confused because he will be manipulating her in a different way and he is her dad Sad

You sound like you are dealing with a difficult situation and I hope that you get help from SS. It sounds horrible.

Leela5 · 24/10/2014 07:09

:( your poor dd. you are doing the right thing. My dd used to do this to me even though I told him and my dm that I didn't like it and it made me uncomfortable. Apparently I was 'over sensitive'

Stand up for her, it's her body

Leela5 · 24/10/2014 07:10

Doh! df did used to do it to me not dd. sleepy

aurynne · 24/10/2014 07:59

My dad used to tickle me all the time and I dreaded it. I now believe I had a phobia. I would have terrifying nightmares in which a giant finger would chase me, and if it caught up with me, I would feel tickles all over and wake up screaming. I pleaded with him not to do it, but he kept doing it for years. He just stopped when I started having panic attacks and scream my head out whenever he mimicked tickles.

Swipe left for the next trending thread