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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I over or under react?

125 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 10:17

So, just driving down the road with my 1 year old in the car. A red car pulls out in front of me, and proceeds to drive down the road on the completely wrong side, swerving everywhere. I mean really swerving, far worse than if you jare just glancing at your phone. She was properly on the wrong side. Fortunately no cars coming in opposite direction, which is rare as this is the main road into a small town. This goes on for about .5 of a mile. I actually start to get scared for the driver, as it is so bad. Approaching the town is a roundabout. The red car then proceeds to mount the roundabout with front and back right wheels.

At this point I think oh my god. Pull on my hand break and jump out. The woman has her phone in her hand and 2 babies (can't be more than 3) in the back. There is also a can of Stella in the passenger door. She looked awful.

I put on my Jo frost super nanny low stern voice, usually reserved for putting my kids on the naughty step, and said. "What on earth do you think you are doing, you were so dangerous you could harm yourself, your babies, others" I don't know if she was drunk, she was definitely on her phone. She was quite defensive at first, then apologetic and said she hasd been up all night and was very tired. So I said she had to go straight home, put the kids in front of the TV and rest, because she was a danger in her current state.

She came down off the kerb then drove off straight through a red light..... Feeling awful now .....so mumsnet should I a) not have said or done anything b) taken the registration and called the police c) offered to follow her home to make sure she got there safely.... Just worried for her babies...

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:52

You said they wouldn't be interested........

PotsAndCambert · 22/10/2014 11:53

beautiful I think that despite what this thread seems to say, most people would NOT have intervene, called the police it anything like this. They are likely to have thought 'Rught, if I say/do something, I will go over board. Not my problem'. The same way that most peoe will walk by someone lying on the pavement, will drive pass a far in a ditch etc.
yes if course, it us better to call 999. It is better to remember taking note of the number plate.
But having a go at you for actually caring enough to go and speak to the driver? I think it's massively unfair.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:57

No I didn't.

I was suggesting that there was no guarantee of it being an immediate response and so probably best not to get into wrestling match over keys on basis that police are bound to arrive imminently. The day it happened to me I kind of assumed there were bigger emergencies going on.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:59

(and the dispatcher kept telling me that if she stopped, I should note the address....)

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2014 11:59

If the woman's driving was as dangerous as the OP says, I'm quite sure the Police would have received phone calls from other members of the public.

So hopefully they might have caught her anyway.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 12:01

Arsenic that's not what your post said at all. You used words like "plead" and "hard work" when talking about phoning the police.

But then you also did do on to talk about false imprisonment......

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 12:02

worra you would hope so but this thread demonstrates that you can't rely on that. Everyone assumes someone else will etc!

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 12:09

Arsenic that's not what your post said at all. You used words like "plead" and "hard work" when talking about phoning the police.

It was hard work. They were clearly over stretched. There were clearly bigger things going on. But they were happy for me to follow a drunken motorist around with children in the back of the car keeping them updated until they could deal.

I was also happy to do this as I understood they were busy but understandably a bit nervous. I wouldn't have been as brave as the OP to approach her directly as it seemed a safe bet she was bladdered (although also apparently falling asleep). I was terrified someone would get hurt. I couldn't drive away. The dispatcher kept hopefully asking whether she had stopped/parked/pulled over yet.

And yes I did ask them several times how long that state of affairs was likely to continue. It was nerve wracking. The driver was v dangerous.

It isn't complicated.

But then you also did do on to talk about false imprisonment......

You know perfectly well that was not a comment connected to the anecdote I was telling.

TicTicBOOM · 22/10/2014 12:10

Well, I hope someone managed to stop her before she wrapped herself around a lamppost.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 12:11

Anyway OP has had FAR too hard a time on this thread.

She did her best on the spur of the moment.

She'll probably be better rehearsed next time.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/10/2014 12:49

Quite Arsenic - I 100% agree

Hope you're OK OP. As I said ealier, you did what you thought was right in a stressful moment. I'm nt sure everyone here who has catigated you would have been as poised as they are implying here in the heat of the moment

frostyfingers · 22/10/2014 13:31

Well it's very easy to be wise after the event isn't it? Lots of people saying "should have done this/that/the other" but sometimes when you are directly involved in an event logic goes out of the window.

NiceCupOfTeaAndAPartyRing · 22/10/2014 13:36

I am a PC and you really should have called the Police OP. She would have been breathalysed and if over, done for Drink Drive and if under, done for Unfit to Drive and taken safely off the road.

thedancingbear · 22/10/2014 14:29

Nicecupoftea, I've contacted the police twice in situations comparable to this. The first time the drunk driver had actually driven into the back of me. When I realised she was pissed (slurring her words etc) I called the police and she drove off. In both instances the police did nothing at all and I was made to feel like a timewaster. (in the situation described above the other driver wasn't even done for leaving the scene of an accident despite the incident being on cctv). So your statement that 'She would have been breathalysed and if over, done for Drink Drive and if under, done for Unfit to Drive and taken safely off the road.' is in my view somewhat inaccurate.

OP, you did the best thing you could possibly have done in the situation ; at least she was made aware that what she was doing was not OK. Certainly more valuable than a meaningless entry on a police database. To those posters giving her a hard time - presumably there were dozens of other people who saw this woman driving like this. How many of them did anything?

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 14:32

thedancingbear in what way did they do nothing? As in, didn't attend or if they did they didn't deal with it properly?

I've never met a cop who didn't want to deal with a drink driver. It's one of the most straightforward easy arrests you can get and it gets a danger off the road.

thedancingbear · 22/10/2014 14:41

I don't know what reasonable answer I can give to 'in what way they do nothing'. They didn't do anything. They didn't attend the scene (though there would be no point in doing that as she'd driven off), they didn't go to her house to intercept her in case she was going home, they didn't prosecute her for leaving the scene of the accident when she went in to report it a day later. Would you like a further explication of 'nothing'?

The other incident involved someone swerving wildly across an a-road in Wales with oncoming traffic. My OH rang 999 from the passenger seat and was told that there were officers about and they would pick the driver up if they saw them.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 14:44

Dancing, I'm not sure why are being so antsy to a civil question. And how di you know they didn't go to her house? I don't tell my witnesses what I've done after their involvement is over. Maybe some of my witnesses have thought I have done nothing when I have.

Numanoid · 22/10/2014 14:55

I haven't read every post so sorry if this has already been said. If you remember anything about the car, even the colour/make, or what the woman looked like, call the Police. There may have been CCTV and that could be enough to help them pick her out.

Numanoid · 22/10/2014 14:56

...She may have been snapped at the red light anyway, a lot of them now have cameras to catch people running red lights.

Numanoid · 22/10/2014 14:57

Ah just noticed you've already called them OP. I think you've done the right thing and it's more than a lot of people would have bothered to do. :)

Chippednailvarnish · 22/10/2014 15:00

Supernanny voice the new deterrent to dangerous driving

KoalaDownUnder · 22/10/2014 15:08

I think that despite what this thread seems to say, most people would NOT have intervene, called the police it anything like this. They are likely to have thought 'Rught, if I say/do something, I will go over board. Not my problem'.

Excuse me, but that is utter rubbish. If I saw someone zooming all over the wrong side of the road before mounting a roundabout, and then to top it off I saw two babies in the car, there is no way I would think 'Not my problem'. Seriously, do you think that people think like that?! I don't believe so for a second.

Calloh · 22/10/2014 15:11

Beautiful, I think you were really brave. Its not always easy to recognise that dealing with something is going to come down to you. You confronted the woman and tried to put sense into her. On balance a call to the police and taking of the reg plate would have been the best option but we aren't all trained on this or able to deal expertly in unexpected situations.

For what it's worth I think you've had a really rough time on this thread.

Thumbwitch · 22/10/2014 15:19

Well done for saying anything to her in the first place; but I think I would have tried, if possible, to have got her keys out of the ignition and called the police immediately.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 17:53

Thanks for the positive comments. With hindsight I would have taken the reg and called the police there and then, but everything happens so fast, and was just so not what I expected to see this morning. Overall I am pleased I did something, as immediately afterwards I was worried I had basically being a judgemental interfering busybody.

OP posts:

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