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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I over or under react?

125 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 10:17

So, just driving down the road with my 1 year old in the car. A red car pulls out in front of me, and proceeds to drive down the road on the completely wrong side, swerving everywhere. I mean really swerving, far worse than if you jare just glancing at your phone. She was properly on the wrong side. Fortunately no cars coming in opposite direction, which is rare as this is the main road into a small town. This goes on for about .5 of a mile. I actually start to get scared for the driver, as it is so bad. Approaching the town is a roundabout. The red car then proceeds to mount the roundabout with front and back right wheels.

At this point I think oh my god. Pull on my hand break and jump out. The woman has her phone in her hand and 2 babies (can't be more than 3) in the back. There is also a can of Stella in the passenger door. She looked awful.

I put on my Jo frost super nanny low stern voice, usually reserved for putting my kids on the naughty step, and said. "What on earth do you think you are doing, you were so dangerous you could harm yourself, your babies, others" I don't know if she was drunk, she was definitely on her phone. She was quite defensive at first, then apologetic and said she hasd been up all night and was very tired. So I said she had to go straight home, put the kids in front of the TV and rest, because she was a danger in her current state.

She came down off the kerb then drove off straight through a red light..... Feeling awful now .....so mumsnet should I a) not have said or done anything b) taken the registration and called the police c) offered to follow her home to make sure she got there safely.... Just worried for her babies...

OP posts:
ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:32

She spoke to her in a low stern supernanny voice through a closed window? That whole apologetic conversation? Ok Hmm

Lager stinks.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:33

arsenic. I'm a police officer and have attended more calls like this than I wish to remember. My dinner gets chucked and I run out the offices for calls like this with blue lights blazing.

However, if there is no one to attended because of other priority incidents, then there is no one to go. Just because you called in a similar expert doesn't make you knowledgable about police response.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:34

So what? Doesn't mean one SHOULDN'T call them!

Yes I agree she should have called them. I said that.

She made a mistake. An easier than you are making it out to be.

Get off her back.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 11:35

The police just said thanks, and they would look into it, and a reg plate would have helped. Thanks arsenic for your support. To be honest it happens so fast and I was just thinking I have no idea what to do, but your driving was absolutely terrifying, at the point I was speaking through the window (she'd wound it down a bit), I was thinking I don't know what to do next,..

OP posts:
PotsAndCambert · 22/10/2014 11:35

OP at your place, I would probably NOT have thought about looking at the number plate/calling the police. It's all well and good to say do when you are say in front if your computer, but it happens to you in RL, very quickly, you don't always 'think' and have the right reaction.

Personally I think your reaction was already fantastic!

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 22/10/2014 11:36

The very annoying thing though Arsenic is her constant and gentle demands for some sort of pat on the back that she "did ok" when she didn't.

Better to say right away "Ok I've called the police...thanks for advice" than repeatedly whitter about her nanny voice and how she didn't know what to do.

sadsugarjunkie · 22/10/2014 11:37

I think you underreacted OP and should have called the police, but at least you did something. It is easy to say in hindsight what you should have done, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who would have tutted, done nothing and gone on with their lives.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:37

However, if there is no one to attended because of other priority incidents, then there is no one to go. Just because you called in a similar expert doesn't make you knowledgable about police response.

You've just said yourself. Response could vary.

I'm just saying Nick that wrestling the keys from someone of unknown temperament and intoxication on the basis that police back up will be along ASAP is not wise. You might well be having a chat about false imprisonment once they arrive anyway if you do the wrong thing.

catsmother · 22/10/2014 11:39

Oh right - because the police don't always react the way we think they should that means we don't even bother to inform them. At least if you try your conscience would be clear if anything terrible happened - if you don't try you'd otherwise always be left wondering if you should have done more.

BTW the "public" can't always possibly know why the police don't always react as quickly (or at all) the way we'd expect. With the best will in the world, sometimes major incidents mean that there's literally not enough officers to respond - if you get several serious reports it can be a very tough call to prioritise them. And of course the police and/or call handlers can make mistakes in how they deal with reports. But that would then be on their conscience, not mine.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 11:39

Uhhhh clapyourhands you are being unfair. I came on here thinking I shouldn't have interfered at all, was told I should have done more, thought about it, agreed, phoned the community officer, and then have tried to answer all the questions which have been put to me, as I know it's annoying when someone starts a thread then disappears. Please back off.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:40

Thats why is said it's great if it can be done safely and I would never advise someone to put themselves in danger.

The police would NOT be interested in false imprisonment in a circumstances like this, ffs. I have attended many where members of the public have assisted in restraining a person and the words I say are "thanks". But I would never want someone to risk their welfare.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/10/2014 11:42

crikey this OP has had a hard time. She's said repeatedly that she wasn't sure what to do, that it all happened really fast and she tried to do what she thought at the time was the right thing.

i can say without doubt that there is no way I would have been reaching into the car of a drunk and possibly aggressive person to wrestle car keys out of the ignition. No way. You do not know how someone will react.

OP maybe next time you'll make a different choice but don't feel too bad - you tried your best and at least you stopped

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2014 11:43

The can of Stella has nothing to do with this.

Even if it was a can of Pepsi, the car was being driven extremely dangerously and with kids in it too!

BitOutOfPractice · 22/10/2014 11:44

Clap there's only one person "wittering on" on this thread and it an't the OP. You are being very unfair

badtime · 22/10/2014 11:44

To be fair, ClapHands, you were still demanding that she call the police about 25 minutes after she first posted that she had. Perhaps you missed her post, but it may have changed how you perceived her subsequent posts.

TheFairyCaravan · 22/10/2014 11:45

Arsenic we followed a car that was swerving all over the road and the driver was falling asleep at the wheel. He had a child in the back. I phoned 999, it was a Friday afternoon, icy and busy. The police came straight away. They were more than interested.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:45

i can say without doubt that there is no way I would have been reaching into the car of a drunk and possibly aggressive person to wrestle car keys out of the ignition. No way. You do not know how someone will react.

Agree Bit. No practical/safe way you could have detained her OP

But this thread has reminded me to put new notebooks and pens in the cars Smile Reg no. taking is often the best we can reasonably do.

Stratter5 · 22/10/2014 11:45

I've called and reported drivers like that, I've then tailed them until the police turn up; with a DD on the phone, I hasten to add. They are always very keen on catching someone like that.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:46

Most people carry a mobile, try take a photo of the reg if possible.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:47

Arsenic we followed a car that was swerving all over the road and the driver was falling asleep at the wheel. He had a child in the back. I phoned 999, it was a Friday afternoon, icy and busy. The police came straight away. They were more than interested.

And?

What's your point?

That I'm lying?

Was it a slow day? Somewhere other than inner london? I don't know....

I just know what happened that one afternoon with the met

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:48

And to be fair they came, and were great, it just took a while.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:50

arsenic it doesn't matter where in the country or how busy a day it is. I have been stood down from dealing with incidents in order to attend a report of a driver under the influence.

It is a priority call and WILL have an immediate response if possible.

I think most people have the sense to realise if the police didn't attended to a report of a drink driver it's because they are unable to, not because their Pot Noodle will get cold.

TheFairyCaravan · 22/10/2014 11:50

No, Arsenic my point is that you said the police wouldn't necessarily be interested. I, and others, have explained when they have been interested!

Quangle · 22/10/2014 11:50

OP that sounds awful. Amazing load of replies from people who would have been very clear sighted and efficient in the heat of the moment!

I think yes you should have called the police but I often find when these things happen you cant actually believe your own eyes - your mind is trying to find a rational explanation for extraordinary events - and so stepping out of the moment to call the police doesn't necessarily come to mind immediately.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:51

nk most people have the sense to realise if the police didn't attended to a report of a drink driver it's because they are unable to, not because their Pot Noodle will get cold.

I haven't said anything along those lines. At all.