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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I over or under react?

125 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 10:17

So, just driving down the road with my 1 year old in the car. A red car pulls out in front of me, and proceeds to drive down the road on the completely wrong side, swerving everywhere. I mean really swerving, far worse than if you jare just glancing at your phone. She was properly on the wrong side. Fortunately no cars coming in opposite direction, which is rare as this is the main road into a small town. This goes on for about .5 of a mile. I actually start to get scared for the driver, as it is so bad. Approaching the town is a roundabout. The red car then proceeds to mount the roundabout with front and back right wheels.

At this point I think oh my god. Pull on my hand break and jump out. The woman has her phone in her hand and 2 babies (can't be more than 3) in the back. There is also a can of Stella in the passenger door. She looked awful.

I put on my Jo frost super nanny low stern voice, usually reserved for putting my kids on the naughty step, and said. "What on earth do you think you are doing, you were so dangerous you could harm yourself, your babies, others" I don't know if she was drunk, she was definitely on her phone. She was quite defensive at first, then apologetic and said she hasd been up all night and was very tired. So I said she had to go straight home, put the kids in front of the TV and rest, because she was a danger in her current state.

She came down off the kerb then drove off straight through a red light..... Feeling awful now .....so mumsnet should I a) not have said or done anything b) taken the registration and called the police c) offered to follow her home to make sure she got there safely.... Just worried for her babies...

OP posts:
Thisghosttrainisreversing · 22/10/2014 11:15

How could you have judged her wrongly?!

She drove on the wrong side of the road and mounted a roundabout. Regardless of what caused her to do that she broke the law and could have caused god knows what to happen!

And she did this while her children were in the car and obviously under her care, how the fuck could you have judged her wrongly?!

Glad you finally saw sense and called the police.

PrivatePike · 22/10/2014 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MidniteScribbler · 22/10/2014 11:17

I have had to remove keys and forcibly prevent someone driving four times in my life. Never have the police said anything other 'thank you for calling us with your concerns'.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 11:17

Thanks Pictish. I actually thought I had done good by jumping out my car, and speaking to her through the window. Obviously not . :-( the can of Stella was int the passenger door, which is why I could see it, it was not in the drivers door.... Hence my I don't know for definite if you are drunk.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 22/10/2014 11:20

im confused as to why you think confronting her was doing good when clearly it didn't make a blind bit of difference when she drove off through a red light.

TheFairyCaravan · 22/10/2014 11:20

Who cares if she was definitely drunk? She definitely shouldn't have been driving! What you should have done was you should have pulled over and rung the Police, FFS!

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:22

The reasons for her terrible driving are not for you to decide how valid they are, that's up to the police. For future reference the best thing to do is get the number plate, a direction of travel and call the police on 999 if necessary. And this is an occasion that warrants 999. You are not expected to confront her or try and stop her but that's great and advantageous if you can do it safely.

Most of us are tired, we don't drive over roundabouts.

Itsfab · 22/10/2014 11:22

Snap shot of people's lives can mean someone dies if it isn't challenged.

You under reacted but at least by speaking to her you might have had enough effect but yes, pretty obvious you should have phoned the police and got the registration.

Thisghosttrainisreversing · 22/10/2014 11:22

She may not be drunk. She may be having a terrible time of things and on the verge of a breakdown. However she can not drive like that and needs to be stopped.

It's difficult to know what to do when you see something like that happen but calling the police straight away would have been the best option for everyone. Approaching her car could have been very dangerous for you.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 22/10/2014 11:23

If you have time to post on here OP then you have time to call the police now before you do anything else. This thread is embarrassing!

KatoPotato · 22/10/2014 11:23

What sort of thing do you think the police are actually interested in? Are those road cop shows about police bored on their tea breaks?

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:24

I don't think it's quite as easy as some posters think, to be fair.

Okay, a call to police was clearly warranted. But it can be hard to think clearly in the heat of the moment.

Any attempt to take car keys or prevnt her leaving, though, might well have caused problems for OP herself.

Original poster
Beautifulbabyboy · 22/10/2014 11:25

I have phoned the police clapyourhands.

OP posts:
ScarlettlovesRhett · 22/10/2014 11:25

I am in the Shock camp too, I'm afraid.

You massively under-reacted. Next time you are faced with a driver that erratic, take the reg and call the police.

They could be drunk/falling asleep at the wheel/not fit to drive for any other reason. All that matters is that they are not fit to drive.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:26

OP if she had been soused on Stella, you'd have smelt it.

Maybe she was hungover to buggery and utterly sleep deprived?

You're getting way to hard a time here.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:26

too^

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 22/10/2014 11:28

Baby what did they say?

Arsenic not necessarily she would not have smelt it...what a silly assumption. It depends on how close she was to the woman.

And drunk or not the MAIN issue is that she was for some reason unfit to drive.

Nicknacky · 22/10/2014 11:29

arsenic the op says she spoke to the driver through the window and there is no mention of the window being down. And not smelling alcohol is not a reliable indication of a persons fitness to drive.

You can be unfit through drink or drugs AND still be under the limit. And being hungover could still show that person has excess alcohol in their system.

catsmother · 22/10/2014 11:30

I do appreciate that something like this isn't a run of the mill encounter and therefore a shock but for heaven's sake, "ordering" her to go "straight home" when you'd already seen, with your own eyes, that she was incapable of driving was actually very irresponsible. Anything could have happened en route - to her, her kids, anyone else unlucky enough to get in the way.

There's no question you should have called the police immediately - of course they'd have been interested. Far more interested in preventing an accident before it happens rather than clearing up the mess after.

And yes, I'd have tried to take the keys. If you couldn't manage that (e.g. because she wound the window up or blocked you) at least you'd have tried, and if she seemed co-operative, I'd have kept her talking in the hope she wouldn't attempt to leave before the police arrived.

Something like this - where all the evidence points to drunk driving you wouldn't be judging per se but you inform those who are qualified to judge, i.e. the police so they can take whatever action deemed necessary. Far better to have made a "wrong call" if there was some "innocent" explanation (which I doubt) than allow a very worrying situation to continue with potentially horrific consequences.

And if she was sleep deprived so bloody what - that doesn't make erratic and dangerous driving any more acceptable. Someone could still get killed couldn't they .... bottom line she seemed incapable of being safely in control of a vehicle. That's all that matters, and the ins and outs are for the police to deduct. What should have mattered was stopping her placing anyone else in danger.

ArsenicChaseScream · 22/10/2014 11:30

To all the outraged posters; last summer I followed a motorist who was clealy impaired, falling asleep at wheel, swerving, weaving, goodness knows what, down side streets for 15 minutes whilst on the phone to police pleading with them to attend.

It was v hard work to get them to come out. Despite reg no, clear description, second by second account.

Police wouldn't necessarily have done what you all think they would.

MidniteScribbler · 22/10/2014 11:31

You can still be over the limit the next day, even if you have slept. Hangover does not mean you are safe to drive.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 22/10/2014 11:31

So what? Doesn't mean one SHOULDN'T call them!

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 22/10/2014 11:32

That was to Arsenic by the way.

lurkerspeaks · 22/10/2014 11:32

Agree with others.

I spotted someone driving v. Erratically on the motorway. I got the reg. No and then got my passenger to call the police (if I hadn't had a passenger I would have had to leave the motorway to make tha call myself).

Police were v. Interested.

Driver was done for driving under the influence if drugs as he was arrested upon arrival home.

My passenger went to court as a witness but the driver changed their plea to guilty at the last minute so no evidence was required.

wheresthebeach · 22/10/2014 11:32

When Dh's EXW crunched into a parked car with DSS in the back DSS phoned us in the evening and told us 'the nice people passing by were really helpful - they called the police for us'.

Bless...road side breathalyser was done, and again at the police station.

Of course you should have called the police. They would have breathalysed her on the spot.