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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish DH would shit at work?!

87 replies

CheerfulYank · 22/10/2014 01:00

I know I am. :o But I am v ill with "morning" sickness and I want to be angry.

DH gets home at 6. Children can't wait to see him, DD watches out the window for his car etc. I'm usually trying to sort dinner, do spelling words with DS, all the usual.

He pulls up. Dog goes mad barking. Kids clamor around him excitedly. He says hello to everyone...

...grabs the iPad, and walks to the bathroom to poo. For 15-20 minutes. So the kids are all wound up, DD hanging on the gate yelling "daddeeee! Dadeeee!" to him, DS pestering me to play Minecraft while I tell him no, and dad has the iPad anyway.

Arghh! Just take a nice leisurely crap at work, then come home! I'd rather he was 15 mintues later tbh.

To add more to my case, it is horrifically stinky. :o And he use to say "I have to go drop a deuce" which has somehow become "I need to go deduce the truth." I think I am NBU based on that alone actually. Hmm

OP posts:
UmmAbdillah · 22/10/2014 01:05

Hahahhaha my other half does the same (minus cheesy catchphrase and kids hanging of rails). NO, YANBU!!!

UmmAbdillah · 22/10/2014 01:06

Also, it annoys me that he takes in entertainment like he plans for it to be leisurely...

spangledboots · 22/10/2014 01:06

Sneak some laxatives in his lunch? Haha!

ILovedYouYesterday · 22/10/2014 01:07

Yanbu.

Hide the iPad Grin

jammiecat · 22/10/2014 01:14

YANBU my DH does the same complete with iPad. Just as I think I'll get some help with our 3 he disappears. Drives me mad.

momnipotent · 22/10/2014 01:18

Same here and it drives me up the wall. When the kids were younger I would literally be counting the minutes until he walked in the door to give me a break and every freaking day he would walk straight up the stairs to the bathroom. FFS, get control of your bowels and push harder! Don't know what his problem is, I am in and out in less than 5 minutes.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 22/10/2014 01:18

That's it Jammie. I've been feeling terrible, and I see his car and think "ah! A grownup to take over so I can collapse with my mint tea for a few minutes" and straight to the toilet he goes.

OP posts:
Coughle · 22/10/2014 01:19

Definitely hide the iPad. Fair enough if he doesn't want to poo at work but it's not a recreational activity.

Either that or the kids all go in with him, same as when I do my poos.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/10/2014 01:21

His work colleagues would judge and talk about him if he dropped a steaming turd at work.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 22/10/2014 01:22

The iPad is usually with him, as it is actually a work iPad. So hiding it not normally an option unfortunately!

It makes it worse because when he gets home DS is excited to see him but also to reunite with his beloved Minecraft. So I have to deal with him asking if dad is almost done and if he can play when Dad gets out and why does he have to do his math flashcards first...

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 22/10/2014 01:23

Lol Armani, he has his own bathroom there. Pretty much, anyway. :o

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/10/2014 01:32

Think about it from his point of view. He probably saves it for home because almost all work toilets are grim.

What you need to do is make yours worse. Don't flush, never have toilet roll and leave poo on the seat (if you can't bring yourself to do this smear chocolate). This way your bathroom will be less desirable than an average work toilet and your problem should be solved.

AlpacaMyBags · 22/10/2014 01:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperMumTum · 22/10/2014 05:52

When DD was a baby I remember practically begging DP to "poo on work time not on my time" for the same reason. YANBU.

Snickersnickers · 22/10/2014 06:27

can you 'out poo' him? grab the ipad first and go for a long poo yourself lasting half an hour

Snickersnickers · 22/10/2014 06:28

my dh does it before work. So we will be getting the kids ready and then at a critical point he disapears for a 20 min poo, then after panics when the kids aren't ready to go to school

Snickersnickers · 22/10/2014 06:31

Or alternatively the second he walks in, you walk out for fresh air/a jog/to get milk/to post a letter/to walk dog/to nip and see a friend

Sandiacre · 22/10/2014 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

browneyedgirl86 · 22/10/2014 06:36

Is it just me that's a bit repulsed by the thought of anyone taking a ipad to the bathroom? From a hygiene perspective it's a bit gross! OP yanbu.

Sandiacre · 22/10/2014 06:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

appleharvest · 22/10/2014 06:51

Have to admit I often poo when I get in.

It's because (I think) I don't get a chance to drink much at work. On the way home I drink a massive bottle of water and it encourages a poo Grin

It isn't as soon as I walk in though more like half an hour later!

GinIsCalling · 22/10/2014 06:58

I'm crying with laughter at my desk at work. This has really brightened up my night shift.
My son can pick the lock on our bathroom door (he's three) and will burst in and say 'Ive come to watch you poo' daddy. That speeds him up!

bigbluestars · 22/10/2014 07:03

My OH is the same. He travels with work and has plenty opportunity to dump one though the day, but as soon as he is through the day the throne gets the biggest welcome.

It's probably been sitting there since lunchtime, building up a head of steam and OH allows it to simme and ferment there so he can come home and punish our porcelain
I wish he would dispose of it elsewhere.

LemonadeRayGun · 22/10/2014 07:05

YANBU that would drive me insane. I agree with a PP thst you need to get into the bathroom before him when he gets home or just send the kids into the toilet with him, I'm guessing this is what happens during the day when you need to poo!

I hate it when DH announces grandly "I need to use the toilet" which always means poo otherwise he says "I'm going for a wee" and then he disappears for 20 mins. I have to speed-poo as invariably there are small children or cats coming in with me, or shouting up the stairs thst they need a drink/their brother is hitting them/ they can't find the remote control etc... Somedays I consider getting a job just to have somewhere to go to the loo in peace !!!

MillieMoodle · 22/10/2014 07:05

YANBU. This is definitely a man-thing. My DH regularly disappears for a 20-30 minute poo. I have told him that if he genuinely needs that amount of time to poo, he has something seriously wrong with his bowels.
Apparently, in questioning the performance level of his bowels, I "take all the fun out of going for a poo".