to wish DH would shit at work?!

[CheerfulYank]

I know I am. :o But I am v ill with "morning" sickness and I want to be angry.

DH gets home at 6. Children can't wait to see him, DD watches out the window for his car etc. I'm usually trying to sort dinner, do spelling words with DS, all the usual.

He pulls up. Dog goes mad barking. Kids clamor around him excitedly. He says hello to everyone...

...grabs the iPad, and walks to the bathroom to poo. For 15-20 minutes. So the kids are all wound up, DD hanging on the gate yelling "daddeeee! Dadeeee!" to him, DS pestering me to play Minecraft while I tell him no, and dad has the iPad anyway.

Arghh! Just take a nice leisurely crap at work, then come home! I'd rather he was 15 mintues later tbh.

To add more to my case, it is horrifically stinky. :o And he use to say "I have to go drop a deuce" which has somehow become "I need to go deduce the truth." I think I am NBU based on that alone actually.

gottobeinit
Today 13:11 GotToBeInItToWinIt

Owl when does DH get to switch off?

That to me? At the time there were no dc at home so he was switched off all day. He wanted to tell me how he had hoovered and put the washing on etc.

Locked away with the ipad for more than 5 minutes?

You do know they're wanking right?

Marmalade you've just won the thread

15 - 20 minutes.................I'll swap him for mine who can take up to 1.5 hours. Even if we're just about to go out and he decides he just HAS to go it takes 30 minutes.

YANBU.

Why on earth do they need to take 20 minutes in the bathroom? My DH is the same. From the sounds that we are unfortunate enough to hear coming from the bathroom, the actual business that he is there to do is over and done with very quickly. Who in their right mind would want to sit in a stinking bathroom reading/playing iPad games for another 15 minutes?

I would either unplug the wifi, dash into the bathroom ahead of him and take your time or dash out the front door for some emergency mission or other as soon as he comes in. Preferably alternate the above for a while until his bowels have reset themselves to a less inconvenient time!

My dh does the sme, ipad in hand. It annoys me intensely. I know we all have to poo but it's as if he makes a regular appointment with himself

I used to work in an all male ( 80 men) research group at a University. Going to the toilet was quite a recreational activity.

I remember one chap ( a doctor) in particular used to pass by the refectory and get a full cooked breakfast on a tray to take up to the toilet to eat while he was on the pan. He also took with him a newspaper and a packet of cigarettes to have a smoke afterwards.

YABU in that he can shit in any toilet he likes but YANBU to pissed off at him having a 20min skive in the bathroom.
If the kids are fighting, crying, destroying something etc my dh will suddenly "need a poo", I am yet to understand why he needs his phone/tablet in the bathroom with him and find it odd that if after 20-30 mins I walk past the door and say "must be something really interesting on facebook" he immediately flushes and emerges a minute later.
I take about 2mins all in.

Dh was once talking to me and I said I was desperate for the toilet, ran up, locked the door and sat down. Dh shoved the door open and smashed the lock and had a go at me for being so rude as to walk off and shut the door when he was talking to me. I was for a bit just about to wipe my arse then pointed out he had just forced his way into the bathroom while I was having shit, breaking the lock in the process and dared to call me rude!
He did apologise and was truly ashamed of himself I still take the piss out of him for it

It's just selfishness really.

I don't have any medical conditions that I'm aware of but there have been some mornings,more than I can count on one hand, where I've had to go just as we are leaving for the school run, usually I can hold it but sometimes my stomach does a weird thing and it's a choice between shitting myself on the walk to school or risk my daughter being late as it can take me anywhere from ten seconds up to fifteen minutes,I've had occasions where my stomach has done the thing out shopping and I've not known where any toilets are, it's a horrible horrible feeling, trying to walk with sweaty face cheeks and clenched bum cheeks, trying to decipher if the knots in the tummy is anxiety and shitting self in public or the warning that everything is coming out, thankfully I've made it in time. It's not regular this happens but it's often enough to make me worry when reaching the handle on the school run just in case. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for people with IBS and similar to deal with that on a much more regular basis.

Re the shitty particles thing on the ipad, won't the same shitty particles attach to our clothes? The same clothes we're wearing when we pick the dc up, prepare food etc? I don't mean to be snarky, I've not considered it before, and am genuinely curious.

WantToSqueeze he isn't wanking, he often leaves the door open and I do go in if I need to switch laundry/tell him something important/start bath for kids/any number of things. :) He is genuinely sitting on his iPad.

Pressed send too soon :)

He actually does have issues with his bowels, which is why I don't say anything. But sometimes he really isn't even taking a shit (believe me, you can tell when he has!), he's just in there.

I don't say anything to him except jokingly, I just meant that I'd rather he sat in his semi-private bathroom at work with his iPad (no one is left in the office at that point anyway), took his leisurely shit, and THEN came home.

OP, think yourself lucky that at least you're only being made to wait in your on home

Mine takes ages over a poo no matter where he is - I can't tell you the number of times I've had to hang around outside a public loo, trying to look nonchalant, while he faffs around inside