to wish DH would shit at work?!

[CheerfulYank]

I know I am. :o But I am v ill with "morning" sickness and I want to be angry.

DH gets home at 6. Children can't wait to see him, DD watches out the window for his car etc. I'm usually trying to sort dinner, do spelling words with DS, all the usual.

He pulls up. Dog goes mad barking. Kids clamor around him excitedly. He says hello to everyone...

...grabs the iPad, and walks to the bathroom to poo. For 15-20 minutes. So the kids are all wound up, DD hanging on the gate yelling "daddeeee! Dadeeee!" to him, DS pestering me to play Minecraft while I tell him no, and dad has the iPad anyway.

Arghh! Just take a nice leisurely crap at work, then come home! I'd rather he was 15 mintues later tbh.

To add more to my case, it is horrifically stinky. :o And he use to say "I have to go drop a deuce" which has somehow become "I need to go deduce the truth." I think I am NBU based on that alone actually.

When DH goes for a poo it isn't leisurely because I open the door and let the DC in (toddlers). Haha. Yes the smell is offensive but the audience encourages a more rapid completion. You need to disable the lock OP and let the DC in while he is pooing.

YABU, communal pooing is awful and I'm sure there are lots of workers who have selective constipation

I take your point and needs must sometimes, so you have to poo at work, but at least at home you can wash your bum afterwards.

Well, I am going against the grain here to say that you are all BU.

I have IBS and I need to go I need to go now, and it often takes more than a few minutes. If his body clock is set that he goes at that time then you can't do much about it.

I assume that as you are all laydees the bathroom smells of roses when you have finished your 30 second dump.

Also, after a full day at work he probably needs those 20 minutes to wind down before dealing with the rest of the family.

Cross posted with the last few (who are not BU)

Uugh, is it a family ipad? Think of all the poo bacteria YADNBU btw.

That was my first thought all those poo particles on your iPad. Yanbu - DH poos at work thankfully but I can't stand it at the weekends when he goes to the toilet and I have a screaming toddler running around the house shouting da-da da-da.

YADNBU. Similar issues here. I even once accused DH of pretending to need the toilet in order to shirk family responsibilities in the very early, sleep deprived, hormonal days of having a newborn .

Also, now DD is 11 months we share lie ins. When it's my turn I often get a text 10 mins after DH and DD have got up asking if I'm awake so I can watch DD while he goes to the toilet. I switch my phone off now.

Difficult- he needs to poo and probably would prefer to do so at home. I certainly feel the same.
But, 20 minutes with an ipad is unreasonable. I manage 3 minutes of peace on the loo if I'm lucky. DS is 9 so he doesn't wonder in so much-as long as I tell him to stay out. The dog, however, isn't convinced. DS feels sorry for her looking up at the bathroom door and lets her in so "she feels happy again, she had sad ears, Mum". Thanks, Darling.

Discover your domestic goddess and bake him some gorgeous fig and date cakes for a treat but just say they're fruit cakes. If it takes him 20 my mobile mins to shit after that, then you know fir sure that he's taking the piss and call him on it.

How did my mobile get in there?

So, the verdict is that the guy can't go to the toilet in peace? Nice. Seems fair. I mean, it's pretty optional really, isn't it?

Mine does the same thing. It has got worse since giving up smoking....(which he did outside away from dcs.) I have taken to long leisurely baths with a book.

I think it's down to transition difficulties. Coming into a full-on household where you will conteibute after a very different kind of environment isn't always easy

What hester said. I think this is the standard go to tactic of the male species for a bit of r & r, unwinding and/or readjusting to the Earth's different atmosphere inside the home v being at work
Apparently the female of our species is more deadly than the maaaale has a far more efficient bowel action

UncleT I don't get to go to the toilet in peace! I have a toddler in the bathroom with me trying to climb into the bath or sit on my knee. Come on, you don't think 20 mins sitting with an iPad is excessive?!

I agree with those who say taking the ipad in is a bit rank. I do agree people (ideally all people) should get to poo in peace, but I'm not a fan of seeing it as recreation/reading time.

Apart from that, I'd prefer to poo at home than at work (although obviously if the need is there....) so sympathise with him there.

Dear God, YANBU. At all.

I have never ever once in my life taken 20 mins to do a poo. I suggest laxatives.

Tell him to poo in his lunch hour FFS.

Well woohoo bully for you Tryharder. I hope you never have to suffer the problems associated with IBS.

There is no need to be so smug about it.

Be waiting at the front door, coat and shoes on, and as he walks in hand him the smallest child and say 'Off to the shop!' and leave, relay style.

Bun, that was a bit harsh. I think it was only meant as a light comment; and others have said similar things.

YAB a bit U. I am a WOHP, DH is a SAHP. He was the same as you, handed DD over before I even got my coat off from work. I understood he was desperate for a break but my job was full on so so was I, I used to fantasise about 5 minutes to myself and an unhurried poo ??

My DP does this but goes one better - he takes his entire MacBook in with him. I dread the ceremonious unplugging of the computer, followed by the royal proclamation: 'I'm away for a shite'. Lovely.

Oopsie did I unplug the wifi? Soz.

To be fair, when I came in from work I would detest OH standing there and telling me of the trials of his day. I just wanted 20 minutes quiet with a cuppa so I could gather my thoughts. Then I was ready for domestic stuff.

He wouldn't give me the time so I would stop off in the pub at the end of the road for a glass of wine and some quiet.

Took me a week and then he realised that I actually needed the time to switch off and the silly rows stopped overnight.