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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take DS (3) out of pre-school?

81 replies

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:10

DS just turned 3 2 weeks ago. He immediately began pre-school. He is going because the nursery has a speech and language facility and he was referred due to a speech delay. He has to do 5 days a week,the afternoon session.
It's not going well.
He loved his naps and slept 2 hrs every day (!) which have had to be dropped. He's now ratty and miserable most days/evenings. The most he can do is conk out in front of the tv for ages after preschool which I hate.

He is just a baby to me and the youngest there. He's not great at going to the toilet by himself but he's sort of just left to it. He can't wipe himself properly or even tear off the toilet roll without getting it everywhere. And I've noticed his underwear is a little damp which makes me think he's goingby himself and not wiping.
They treat them quite grown up like children and he's just not like that. His speech is that of a small toddler really and I'm really worried about him.

He is also going to be there for 2 while yrs before he starts school due to his age. It seems like forever and like we have entered the school years already well before his time. He has a uniform and everything!

We can now never do anything or go anywhere or meet up for lunch before or after school as there's no time. It'll be dark by 4 soon!

Should I take him out?
My main issue is the speech and language therapy. He was given a place especially and I don't want them to be angry. I was hoping to 'defer' it until next yr but not sure if they will let me.

What do other people think?

OP posts:

gingee · 20/10/2014 18:14

Does your son enjoy it whilst he is there? Is it improving his speech? Is a place very sought-after (due to slt provisions?) I would probably look into reducing his hours as opposed to pulling him out.

SilverDragonfly1 · 20/10/2014 18:17

That's... odd. I've not seen any nurseries with uniform (unless it's private) and I am not sure how they can insist on 5 afternoons a week. Surely 3 would be a fair compromise, so he can rest in between.

I wouldn't worry about anyone being 'angry'. If they can't see that being tired constantly and missing out on the usual life of a 3 year old is not going to benefit him, I'd wonder about their understanding of development!

Is a pre-school not an option? Maybe with some speech therapy on a weekly basis? This was done for my son although admittedly we're looking back into the mists of time here!

TwelveLeggedWalk · 20/10/2014 18:19

Could you do 3 mornings or something? Lots of 3yos I know just do their 15 hours or a tiny bit more per week.

I do understand, mine are similar and basically vile when so over tired.

Pre-school with special speech and language provision sounds great, but 1-1 talking/story reading/singing at home still has its value presumably, was he home with you before or in other childcare?

TwelveLeggedWalk · 20/10/2014 18:21

Ah, sorry, missed the bit about them insisting on certain timings.
Surely if he's too tired to cope with it he's not making the most of the extra coaching, so you could argue the case for him doing less/earlier?
Are you in the uk?

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:21

He has to go 5 days due to speech therapy. It is compulsory on order to reap maximum benefit

OP posts:

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:21

That's what they said to me. No flexibility

OP posts:

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:23

Yep UK

OP posts:

TwelveLeggedWalk · 20/10/2014 18:24

Is this a private facility? It sounds very.... Unusual.

Surely if they specialise in children with speech delay they must be used to communication issues re toilet training etc. I have to say it's not sounding ideal to me.

ElliotLovesGrub · 20/10/2014 18:27

I would keep him going but speak to them about his using the toilet. They might not be aware of how much help he needs (miscommunication between staff or something). Preschool really does help toddlers with their speech and this is an opportunity for him. He may need longer settling in with dropping naps too. My dd was shattered at first going every afternoon and wanted a nap when she came home but soon stopped wanting them as she got used to it.

SoggyOldBiscuit · 20/10/2014 18:28

I would take him out of there. My DD is nearly 4 and has only just dropped her afternoon nap. She does mornings at nursery.

Your son obviously needs that sleep and isn't going to be in a fit state to attend nursery and to enjoy it.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 20/10/2014 18:29

OP...ask on Special Needs not on this board. there are parents there who have been where you are now, read the book and got the t shirt and will advise better.x

here

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 20/10/2014 18:30

to those asking if it is a private nursery...lots of state preschools have uniform the thing is...they are meant to be optional.

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:31

No it's not private. Surprise more than one person asked. It's a preschool/nursery attached to an infants school. Isn't this normal?
I will post again on the SN board too thank you.

OP posts:

LittleBairn · 20/10/2014 18:32

Surely there are other Speach therapy solutions than just attending this nursery? I would take him out it doesn't sound like your DS is benefiting from the arrangement and try him again next year.

Uniforms are becoming more common in nurserys (funnily enough the one I knew that whined about it was one with a speach therapist attact he's to it) but its completely unenforceable.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 20/10/2014 18:34

Jefferson I think some schools do the uniform thing at preschool but more do not.

bairn speech units are like gold dust and there are notoriously FEW solutions available on the NHS actually.

VinoTime · 20/10/2014 18:34

See if you can switch to mornings. You may find there's more of a routine in morning sessions and he can still have an afternoon nap at home then. It also gives you the flexibility of not waiting around all day for nursery drop offs/picks ups.

Also speak to them ASAP about you concerns, especially regarding his toilet training and reiterate the fact that he is still very little and might need a bit more help than others. Things are being missed, by the sounds of it.

LittleBairn · 20/10/2014 18:36

clap oh trust me I know the waiting lists are huge but if this little boy is sever enough to need 5 days a week he should be at the top of the list.

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:37

Yes clap it's te fact this is such an opportunity for him that's stopping me from taking him out. It is a very rare service and he's lucky we had a school near us with this unit

OP posts:

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:39

little it is 5 days for all speech therapy kids regardless of severity.

Can't do mornings. Another faff! I work 2 days a week. Couldn't find a CM for love nor money. Posted in July about it. He's now at a day nursery which is across the road from preschool and actually does the drop off and pickups. But only for afternoon sessions. Sigh

OP posts:

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 20/10/2014 18:41

Barn not really. It's all very dependent on the area you live in. Jeff I am positive you will be clearer on what to do when the SN crew have read your OP over there. x It's very hard....measuring what to do in the long term when we feel the current situation is hard but could pay off. It all feels like such a gamble.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 20/10/2014 18:42

I think Vino has good advice there. Morning sessions are much better.

NoMarymary · 20/10/2014 18:46

3 year olds here also wear uniforms. Isn't it the norm? Normal LA MS school.

Could they switch DS to mornings only?

TeacupDrama · 20/10/2014 18:47

loads of nurseries seem to have sweat shirt type uniforms

if places are like gold dust YABU to loss it if he is really tired you could just not send him on say wednesday/thursday afternoon

he has only been 2 weeks it is too early to say whether he will adapt why not try it until christmas with the odd afternoon off I think he probably needs the speech unit and it will help him I'm sure in the long run rather than delaying treatment

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:48

Thanks for the suggestions.
Clap. This is how I feel. I'm thinking at the long term benefits but in the short term (and I know this sounds dramatic) I feel I'm cheating him out of his babyhood (not a word). The uniform and the timings and the inflexibility of it all.
I want to go back to random days at the park and the library and soft play while we still can and are unrestrained by school. But we are already there 2 yrs early!

OP posts:

Original poster

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:49

I might ask about mixing morning and afternoon. Does anyone do that?

OP posts:

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