To take DS (3) out of pre-school?

[Jefferson]

DS just turned 3 2 weeks ago. He immediately began pre-school. He is going because the nursery has a speech and language facility and he was referred due to a speech delay. He has to do 5 days a week,the afternoon session.
It's not going well.
He loved his naps and slept 2 hrs every day (!) which have had to be dropped. He's now ratty and miserable most days/evenings. The most he can do is conk out in front of the tv for ages after preschool which I hate.

He is just a baby to me and the youngest there. He's not great at going to the toilet by himself but he's sort of just left to it. He can't wipe himself properly or even tear off the toilet roll without getting it everywhere. And I've noticed his underwear is a little damp which makes me think he's goingby himself and not wiping.
They treat them quite grown up like children and he's just not like that. His speech is that of a small toddler really and I'm really worried about him.

He is also going to be there for 2 while yrs before he starts school due to his age. It seems like forever and like we have entered the school years already well before his time. He has a uniform and everything!

We can now never do anything or go anywhere or meet up for lunch before or after school as there's no time. It'll be dark by 4 soon!

Should I take him out?
My main issue is the speech and language therapy. He was given a place especially and I don't want them to be angry. I was hoping to 'defer' it until next yr but not sure if they will let me.

What do other people think?

I know...I remember that feeling. I would speak to the manager of the nursery, be totally honest and see what they come up with maybe? A mix of morning/afternoons might be good but I think it's better to have all mornings myself...especially in winter. Maybe he could do three days?

Gosh. I feel for you. I had the same with my speech delayed son. He was offered 1to1 in school nursery. As I work, trying to find wraparound care was a disaster. Local cm was awful and didn't drive so ds would have been dragged around doing pick ups for 2 hours a day. The private nursery that did pick ups was better but did not have space. Ds naps so afternoon sessions would have been a disaster. I honestly felt that ds was being discriminated against because I worked.

At the very last minute, a charity agreed to provide money for 10 hours of 1to1 at ds' current private nursery. Admittedly his 1to1 isn't salt trained but his speech is coming on leaps and bounds . She is also very good at working on other life skills such as potty training whereas some of the things I have heard of about pre schools has not been great.

Where are based op? What exactly is the salt provision? Does he have a 1to1?

S&L places really are very sought after, and only available to those children most in need. As such, I really think that you need to try and make it work. They wouldn't have offered him the place if they didn't feel it was necessary and appropriate.

However, I do tink it's worth going in to have a chat about his needs re. toiletting.

Jads glad someone else found the childcare situation hard. I thought it would be so easy!
I'm in East London. The SALT provision seems v good. There is a qualified speech therapist plus a TA. They do small group sessions in a separate quiet room that is still part of the preschool room. Different activities to build speech. Personalised IEP which we will see at a November parents meeting. Groups of up to 8 but 2 TA assigned to 4 students.

I remember your posts trying to move heaven and earth to get him into that placement. I think two weeks in might be too early to give up.

Do you get the three mornings that you don't work with him?

Is there any way you could alter your work or do without working in the short term so he didn't need the nursery as well as the SaLT placement?

Could you alter his sleep schedule so that he is up earlier and naps before preschool.or stays up later but has a nap after school? Clocks go back next weekend so you could adjust by one hour just by doing nothing!

The salt provision sounds fantastic. I think you should try to find ways to make things work rather than giving up this opportunity. My dd also has a speech delay and attended a specialist nursery. It really was invaluable.
When my dc dropped their afternoon naps they were tired and grumpy in the evening, but they soon adjusted, and fell in to a new routine with an earlier bedtime. To be fair, they were ready to drop the nap, rather than it being forced on them, but your ds may well adjust well in time.
Definitely talk to staff about toilet issues and the level of support required.
I would give it more time and do what you can to iron out most of the issues. You have my sympathy. It's so hard trying to juggle everything.

I understand where youre coming from re taking away their babyhood and the fun trips to the park for the routine and structure of school. Thats exactly how Ive been feeling. Im quite upset about it today actually. I think that feeling might be par for the course when you send them out down the mines/preschool for the first time. Not saying you shouldnt act on it. Its a tough one balancing short term and long term. The slt provision does sounds fantastic and early intervention is the gold standard.

Ok. That sounds like fabulous salt provision and I would be really keen to carry on with it for your ds. In an ideal world, I suppose he would be better off doing morning sessions. Do you work full time? If you are part time, maybe you could talk about mixing sessions? I am also guessing that you looked into getting a nanny and it was prohibitively expensive? Is there a chance in the future that the private nursery could drop him off in the morning?

Sorry you have probably been through all these ideas already. This may be a situation where you just may have to accept a bit of exhaustion and ceebeebies while he adjusts. I sympathetise so much, it is so flipping hard . I am in Cardiff so can't help with local stuff.

Thanks all. So it does seem it's not a good idea to take him out. I sort of knew that anyway but was hoping some might say 'keep him home with you forever!'

The parents meeting is in November so will try and raise issues and possibility of doing some mornings.
Doesn't help that though DS is going to sleep earlier (7.30) he's up at 6.30 every day! That's not normal is it. He used to sleep at 8.30 and wake up at 7.30. Writing yah down has made me realise it's exactly the same sleep. Duh

Thanks jads. We've gone from around 45 mins ofTV a day to nearly 2 hrs . Not great at all

You can do what you want with your child and still go to speech therapy without attending pre school.
I did and my dd has done.
None of mine went to pre school or nursery and managed school fine, its a big myth that dc thrive in institutions, they do equally as well at home.
I know you will probably join school at the right time, but there isn't even a need for this.
If I was you my child would be at home, so I know where you are coming from.
he's your child and its your right to raise him how you see fit.

My ds had a speech delay. I deferred his nursery placement and it was definitely the right decision for us. It's not like there will be no speech therapy, you will surely access some through the nhs.
My gut cried out 'keep him home for another year!' when I read your post. But you must trust your instinct.

Oh OP I feel for you. I understand that this is a rare opportunity but it does seem you and your son have to pay a very high price for it. I very much understand your feeling that he only gets to be three once, and this is not the time for uniform and regimentation. Plus three year-olds are all physical. If he is sleep deprived then I do believe that overrides everything else, and every other developmental need.

Sorry not to be more helpful. But you sound like a loving, thoughtful mum who is doing the very best for her son. I am sure you will make the right decision about this.

Oh gosh the last fee posts are making me feel the doubt again. I do just want to keep him home and protect him and let him have fun. Isn't that what being 3 is about for goodness sake?!
Whenever I read about primary kids and the insane amount of homework they get I think well this is the time to enjoy his childhood and preschool doesn't seem to be fun. I mean he is enjoying it but everything else is just rubbish

And yes before this we did have access to salt through nhs. It wasn't great thought tbh. He was seen around 4 times in a year. But I know a lot of that is to do with poor funding

It is really tough, op. My ds has a severe speech disorder (no speech at 4.3). His speech and language provision has been very patchy, and although the instinctive response to 5 days of SALT input a week is, 'good god, yes, go for it!' In reality I don't think I would. I would be wanting preschool hours 3 mornings a week, with a 1-1 implementing speech therapy as dictated by a SALT, plus input from me at home. Ds is disabled, so has other issues, and at one point it felt as though our lives were dictated by therapy and appointments and hospital visits, the balance was all wrong, because whilst he needs the input, he is also just a little boy.

Good luck with it all.

Have you seen the replies on your other thread Jeff? Lots of mixed there too....just to confuse you more!

Jefferson

Come and join us on the H.ed threads you'll get even more of a mix there.
You have to do what you feel is right for your child, this might not be what many others do or it might be what the majority do.
I don't like nurseries for my dc but everybody is different, my dc did attend school though, but dd left after y3.
Not starting pre school has its advantages but also disadvantages, such as not a great break from doing kids stuff. If you enjoy this though and have a few friends for socialising pre school or school isn't necessary.

I have Clap. I'm none the wiser! I so want to do what's best for him and don't want to get it wrong. How can being 3 be so tough!

It's so hard. The only thing I would say is that as someone else said, all parents feel like this to some degree over preschool and then reception.

The feeling that our child's toddlerhood is being stolen...that it's all too soon is normal. It doesn't make it any better! But it is a normal feeling. Your feelings are made harder by your DS's not settling in so well with regards the toileting etc.

In your shoes I would do the following because it's early days still

1: Make an appointment this week to talk about perhaps swapping to either afternoons or three days.
2: At the same time, discuss his potty needs not being met. This is basic stuff and he should be having help.
3: When you've done that, come back here or your other thread and recap.

I felt terrible when my DD went to preschool. She was only 3 and had was selectively mute. So hard to be told your child won't even ask for a crayon!

However...she's ten now and it all seems far away...she's fine now by the way.x

Thank you

I completely sympathise with you. From your description which fits I am wondering if you go to the same place as my DD. We are mornings.DD is older than yours & no speech issues, however I grieve for the flexibility of our life before we began here, they are quite strict & do seem to expect the kids to be quite adult. However I think it is sometimes worse for us parents as our kids go into a new phase, there may be quite a period of adjustment before things settle. Maybe you could arrange a meeting with the teacher to talk it through?

tedturtle is the area S W? (Not postcode)

I think the sleep's a real issue. He won't learn as well if he wants to be napping at the very moment he should be learning! Try not to put your own stuff on the uniform etc - it's only a jumper and trousers. But keep trying for a childminder who could make morning sessions work for you...