... to think school are making a big fuss about not a lot (toilet training)

[PaddingtonFromPeru]

DD 3.5 started school nursery in Sept. She has always struggled a bit with getting to the loo to wee, but was totally dry throughout August.
School policy states children must be toilet trained (which DD is/was). She was dry for the first 1-2 weeks of school and since then has had an accident nearly every day.
I think this may have something to do with her not liking one of the key workers very much, as she often mentions she is scared of her and the key helper started at this time as cover for someone off sick.
School are making a really big think of all the accidents, to the extent that I have had to take DD to the doctors for blood tests (def. not diabetes or a kidney problem) and have now had to get an endocrinologist involved.
To me, although school policy does say they prefer children toilet trained, they should bear in mind it is only week 5 or so of term and try to get to the bottom of the "scared of key worker" problem. AIBU?

o yes my mil used to sid dh and sil on the potty till they went.

To me that sounds like a bad nursery.

My eldest was dry day and night by 3 and hardly ever had accidents. He had 1 in year 1 when he was concentrating hzrd and the staff were great. The teacher in particulat was lovely about it.
ds2 is a differnt story and had loads of accidents up to end reception. Still won't poo in a toilet though and is now under the hospital. I have tried absolutely everything and I am at the end of my tether.
But he has no sen so I am just lazy right?
Or would you class bowel incontenance as sen?

I worry about these poor little ones being made to feel anxious about the whole thing. They easily pick up on disapproval and crossness. They can end up with real nerves about it, as all mums know only too well.

As I said upthread, I was quite used to several in my class of 6 or 7 yr olds having accidents, and it was always dealt with calmly and without fuss, and the mums were not challenged about it. Common sense when you understand children and their different rates of development.

I was a child just after the War in the early fifties, and I can assure you I saw many, many puddles on the floor from my fellow classmates! (Enter Janitor with his smelly mop!)
I myself wet the bed every night until I was six.

I know Hate, nursery staff should never be putting pressure on parents to toilet train toddlers. Parents know their child better than them, if they think they are not ready than they probably are not. Prolonged toilet training when the child just isent getting it, is doing no favours, all you are doing is running around with a potty catching wee/poo. When children are ready, this does not happen, they usually go straight to the toilet/potty and have very few accidents. I found the less pressure I put on dd, the more she relaxed and she did it quicker, than when i was streesed and putting pressure on her.

Quite.

DGC aged 3 dry and clean in a week. Only exceptions since have been, as I said, at nursery, when he couldn't get trousers and pants out of the way.

And although still in pull-ups at night, they are usually bone-dry in the morning.

No need to force the issue. They need to understand what they're doing. Some at 2.5. Some at 4. It's luck which one you get

My ds went to preschool at 2.5 ( I went back to work) he was not potty trained and the preschool took from 2yo and accepted dc in nappies. They were very positive about supporting all dc through potty training - always told us if they saw signs of readiness.

We tried several times but ds pretty much refused to point of getting upset (would hide the potty too) - we never pushed too much as didn't want to create anxiety about it.

One day (3yrs 5mths) ds went and did a wee in the toilet (standing up) without prompting and was dry all day straight away - kept him in dry nights for a while but he was dry in the night pretty much straight away too - have had one accident in bed since and one at preschool - he just got it straight away, and quite happily stops what he is doing to go to the loo.

OP's dd is toilet trained, she's clearly anxious about this keyworker and you need to find out why. Nursery are not handling it well at all.
My ds1 was had been dry during the days for four months by the time he started preschool (attached to a school), he wet every single day for the entire of his first term. In his case he was just forgetting or not getting his trousers down fast enough. Nursery were brilliant about it, they changed his clothes and told him not to worry, he'd get there eventually. He stopped wetting himself after the Christmas holidays.
He just started reception in September and wet a couple of times in his first week (also wet the bed every night for a month), he is fine now and dry at school/night again.
It's completely normal for a 3.5 yr old to wet! They must have come across it loads of times before! In your DDs case it does sound like anxiety about the keyworker, I'd consider moving her if I were you.

Is it a nursery class attached to a school by any chance? I'd guess these are their expectations for older children that they've applied without thinking whether they are appropriate for 3 year olds.
And I don't think you should send your child to an environment that scares her, or that treats her like a problem for stuff like this.
How to they deal with her when she wets herself? Has it occurred to you that the woman she doesn't like tells her off for having accidents?

I work with the 3-5 year group and often find children have accidents because they are busy playing. A lot of them may be dry at home but they're having fun and just forget to go. It just becomes part of my job to get a child changed and encourage them to go for a wee as sometimes you can tell when a child needs.

I'd go back to the teacher and ask if she is a doctor or a teacher?

Thanks for all your comments. Just to reiterate that DD IS toilet trained and has proven that she is perfectly capable of using the toilet at school, including Mon and Tues when the key worker she is scared of was off. I have progressed the key worker issue with the main teacher, who will monitor the situation after half term, once "scary key worker" is back. Haven't heard from local hospital yet about specialist apt, but if the situation with DD being able to take herself if "scary key worker" isn't there continues, then I will probably cancel that appt so as not to waste NHS time and resources.

I would cancel the appointments now, why put your dd through those stresses for nothing, when you know perfectly well what the problem is. The fact she is fine when scarey worker usenet there, tells you everything. Leave it with the nursery.