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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is this shitty of my friends? FB related [title edited by HQ]

84 replies

GaryShitpeas · 19/10/2014 17:24

Have two really close (or so I thought) friends I have known them both since school separately but I introduced them to eachother about a year ago.

We often socialise as a threesome and we have dc the same age

I messaged them both a few days ago to ask if they wanted to come round mine for a few drinks as had some other friends coming as well. One said no (fair enough) but the other didn't reply although could see she'd seen the message. I also sent another, separate message asking if they fancied a meet up in half term

Both didn't reply. Although again, could see it had been seen

Well today I then see on FB publicly, on one of their statuses, arranging to meet up in half term just the two of them Sad . Yet neither of them replied to my message. Btw they both live on FB on their phones so wouldn't have been an oversight.

I just feel snubbed. And I can't say anything as will appear needy. And Perhaps I am being needy. but just feel shit and like I'm back at school. I'm 34 Fgs I shouldn't care! Confused

OP posts:
OraProNobis · 19/10/2014 17:26

Sorry OP but I'd say you're in the early stages of being Wendied. See threads passim about this - it is a thing and I think you're in it.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:28

It's disappointing and upsetting when this happens to you but it's just one of these things. No doubt you've done it the other way round, met one of them whilst the other has been "left out". No doubt there will be a ton of "you've been Wendied posts" but I don't subscribe to that. You don't have a copyright on friendship, they're grown women and they can do what they like and sometimes that won't include you.

Nomama · 19/10/2014 17:28

FB them...

Sounds nice, can anyone join in?

Then neglect to check for updates Smile

RaisingMen · 19/10/2014 17:28

Thats really shitty. YANBU. Are you going to confront them or ignore it?

RaisingMen · 19/10/2014 17:28

Thats really shitty. YANBU. Are you going to confront them or ignore it?

FeelingSadAboutIt · 19/10/2014 17:45

This sort of thing is why I never introduce my friends to one another now, as people just act in a shitty way.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:49

Sorry but not introducing friends to each other because people act in a shitty way? Friendships evolve and change, sometimes people get on great with each other and want to branch out, not always involving the "original" friend. The trick is just to accept that the group is developing and progressing and find fun in the new dynamic, not shut yourself off to everything and start calling "bitch" and "wendy" which is no doubt the way this thread will go.

WerkSupp · 19/10/2014 17:49

You have been Wendied. Time to cut them both loose. Block them both on FB and emails. Anyone that shallow isn't worth having in your life.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:50

...and there it is...

Pistone · 19/10/2014 17:50

I hate this, I have friends who never knew each other until I introduced them, now they're like best mates who do things together and often exclude me. It hurts.

notagainffffffffs · 19/10/2014 17:51

Wendied. Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
GaryShitpeas · 19/10/2014 17:56

I wondered about the "wendying" thing. As one friend is quite a queen bee type (she's always been like it since school, likes to be centre of attention etc)

I know I have no rights over either of them and of course they can do hater they want, would just be nice if they'd have replied to my messages, a simple "no busy sorry" would have been nice.

I have also just noticed now, one of the friends posted something on FB which I commented on as did loads of others. She "liked" every comment but mine. Is it just me or combined with the above is that a little bit pa?

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 19/10/2014 18:02

Life is too short. I just block such people now and delete from my life. Any contact, just keep it civil and swerve.

Nomama · 19/10/2014 18:03

Yes, get off FB, sod them!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 19/10/2014 18:09

What is wendy?

blanklook · 19/10/2014 18:15

allIWant

Being Wendied is exactly what's happened to the OP, read her post, see what 2 previously unconnected friends are doing to her.

PrivateBenjamin · 19/10/2014 18:16

Not liking your post was really PA and your friend is an anus. I'm sorry. Flowers

Screw them. They obviously weren't real friends if they are willing to be so ignorant to you when it suits them.

TinyDancingHoofer · 19/10/2014 18:29

I think they are rude to not reply to you even with a crap excuse but people grow apart and maybe they have clicked really well.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/10/2014 18:33

It is very hurtful or course it is, with the FB comment thing adds to that. I would distance and move on. They are not true friends, just because you have known them for ages does not mean they are. Leave them to it, and move on from them.

Original poster
GaryShitpeas · 19/10/2014 18:34

See I agree tinydancer

But I saw one of the friends last week and things were absolutely fine with us. in fact she kindly offered to look after my youngest dd for me when i was at work as I was stuck for childcare. And in fact had dd twice for me. This was the non queen bee type friend btw ....hmmm

OP posts:
CherryDolphin · 19/10/2014 18:35

I think it is shitty, yes. Fair enough if they didn't want to meet with you but it would of been nice of them to let you know that they couldn't make it.

If it was me it wouldn't bother me if they'd made other plans or simply didn't want to come over but it would bother me if they had just ignored my invite and then met with other people.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/10/2014 18:36

I would just distance, or if you get on with non queen bee, arrange to meet on her own.

Dragonfly71 · 19/10/2014 18:47

Yanbu. This has happened to me many years ago. Don't react by blocking them or making any nasty comments on FB ( I'm sure you wouldn't but tempting!) Part of the thrill for them will be discussing your reaction to their behaviour so DO NOT give them any ammunition at all. Continue to be pleasant if a little distant. Pretend you just haven't noticed as such playground tactics are below you. Talk to supportive unconnected friends/ family/ Mumsnet to vent. It is hurtful but refuse to be drawn into the game. You will probably find one of the friends is being very influenced by the other ( the queen bee). This friend may tire of it all and contact you eventually. Obviously you can be magnanimous and forgiving when this happens, therefore maintaining the moral high ground! Meanwhile play with someone else Smile

Babbit · 19/10/2014 18:50

You have known both for 20 years (since school) and they are both close to you yet they only met each other a year ago. I don't understand Confused.

TeamScotland · 19/10/2014 18:51

Yep, agree with above. Carry on as normal, keep civil, keep your distance while all the while hoping their next shits are hedgehogs.

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