Or is this shitty of my friends? FB related [title edited by HQ]

[GaryShitpeas]

Have two really close (or so I thought) friends I have known them both since school separately but I introduced them to eachother about a year ago.

We often socialise as a threesome and we have dc the same age

I messaged them both a few days ago to ask if they wanted to come round mine for a few drinks as had some other friends coming as well. One said no (fair enough) but the other didn't reply although could see she'd seen the message. I also sent another, separate message asking if they fancied a meet up in half term

Both didn't reply. Although again, could see it had been seen

Well today I then see on FB publicly, on one of their statuses, arranging to meet up in half term just the two of them . Yet neither of them replied to my message. Btw they both live on FB on their phones so wouldn't have been an oversight.

I just feel snubbed. And I can't say anything as will appear needy. And Perhaps I am being needy. but just feel shit and like I'm back at school. I'm 34 Fgs I shouldn't care!

As I say OP...I don't think you're actively being cast asunder here, maliciously or otherwise. You done good to get on with your week and see other people. They're caught up in each other...but not, as far as I can see, at the expense of you personally.
I know they ignored your messages, but I don't think they feel inclined to share atm...with anyone - it's probably not specifically aimed at you. Does that make sense?
It will calm down, and you'll do well to have fun elsewhere in the meantime.

Sorry the shit has hit the fan in other news though...new thread?

Thanks Pictish really appreciate your kind words

Yes will start new thread but need to n/c

The issue here is facebook not individuals.

The problem is that we have begun to measure friendships based on what happens on fb rather than in the real world. So if you are by nature a paranoid/insecure person you will think something of the fact that someone hasn't liked your comment on fb or that people don't comment on your status updates or that friends who you are also friends with are meeting up with each other rather than with you.

People have always had friendships which differ, and even in groups of friends people will always have met up as individuals. It's only since the internet that people have seen fit to give that a label and claim victim status because of it. No-one has the right to be part of every friendship meetup - and tbh the more put out people are by that the more offputting it is to those friends.

the only thing these friends have done wrong is to not reply to an invite. Everything else is entirely within their own friendship and they have the right to do what they want and post about it where they want. It doesn't mean they're gloating or flaunting their friendship in op's face - it just means they're friends, and the fact the op is upset by it has more to do with her insecurities than anything else.

Talk of blocking and deleting and never speaking to these people again over a few comments and a non like on facebook is petty and childish in the extreme. No wonder people have been distanced by friends if that's the way people respond to not being included.

And a different perspective on this "wendy" label... I have an ex friend who would post on here that she had been "wendied" several times after introducing friends to one another. The fact is that she is generally so incredibly demanding, unpleasant, and has the most horrible reactions to anyone who doesn't include her 100% in everything they do that most of her friends distance themselves from her over time. In fact her best friend said that "most people indulge her until eventually they just get fed up of her outbursts and then they walk away." (she did say this to her as well but a bit more diplomatically than that).

Sometimes people are friends and friendships change. Sometimes there are unpleasant people in the world who may try to change the course of friendships. But sometimes the person being "wendied" isn't entirely blameless either. it's just not black and white.

Wannabe you're definitely right re FB

It Causes so many problems as people do read things into stuff that isn't necessarily there

But I also think that in some cases, some people do use it to subtly get one up on others - not saying my friends have done this btw!!

Every time I read one of these threads concerning Facebook I thank my lucky stars that I've never bothered with it. The aggro and hurt that seems to develop from sharing our lives so openly doesn't seem worth it - I'm happy to be called a grumpy old git about it, or out of date, but I'm afraid nothing will persuade me to change my mind!

It hurts being cut out by friends, I don't think that's something we ever "grow out" of.

I would feel hurt too. You're definitely doing the right thing by focusing and building on other friendships, keeping busy with other social things will lift your spirits.

It is true that friendships change and evolve, if these 2 prefer to meet up alone at least you won't feel so bad if you have other friends too.

Hope you're ok with whatever has since happened.

I think Wendys are a dab hand at using facebook to subtly let their victim (Wendee?) know that they are excluding them. When I was wendied, my Wendy would often check in at various places on FB and then tag all of my friends, so it would be obvious to me that they were all meeting up and that I hadn't been invited.

OP, I think it's strange that they both haven't replied to your messages. I assume that they would both normally reply to you? The fact that they have both ignored you makes me think that there is definitely some discussion about you going on, and that there are some undercurrents.

You are doing the right thing in just letting them get on with it.

I do wish people would stop calling it 'being Wendied'

Yes, it's a 'thing' (and I have every sympathy for you btw, OP) but really, do we have to assign a personal name to these types. Imagine if that was your name, or your child's name - constantly tainted with this spiteful persona.

'Oh God I'm being Lisa'd
Fiona'd
Ella'd
Eva'd

....

Please, spare a thought for the perfectly nice Wendy people.

(no my name is not Wendy, but I happen to know a very nice and normal one)

I do know that so many people post stuff on FB about their perfect lives really when they're anything but sometimes.

I've got a friend who for ages posted her new house (with pool) and parties etc happening and foreign holidays. Enough to make the most sane person sometimes feel left out or a teeny bit envious. I knew her from school and due to distance we rarely see each other now.

Anyway her posts before her nice life were about her OH and how he'd left her (they got back together) and one day I emailed her and she emailed me and it all came out, how awful he/the OW were etc and really she painted the perfect picture but it wasn't always that way.

Another friend after her DM died after a long illness suddenly stopped posting on FB and again, had to go through the mutual friend (see above) for updates.

FB really you don't know others lives. Also I remember someone saying to me never say important emotional messages on phone/email/text etc as the meaning can be misconstrued and I think this is right. Sarcasm for example if you want to use that doesn't come across well at all in type.