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Original poster

To wonder if I should tell him?

129 replies

ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 17/10/2014 14:26

This is embarrassing but here it goes.

I'm 25 years old and have never had sex. This sounds childish and immature but never really been interested and didn't feel ready.

However I have been seeing someone for about a month now and things are getting serious. I would like to do it now, but I'm just confused about whether I'm supposed to tell him about my lack of experience? And more to the point, how do I tell him? Does it really matter if I don't tell him?

He is four years older than me and from what I've gathered very experienced so I think I'm going to feel childish.

I was thinking about not telling him and just going for it. Good idea or not? Confused

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 17/10/2014 22:01

I remember my first time very well. I was lying there in the "afterglow" (not) thinking "Is that what they make such a fuss about?!" Honestly, it was rubbish!

It gets better as you learn what you like, half of the problem with first time sex is that you dont know what you will like and not like, so it takes a while to learn. I would encourage him to touch you in a way you know you like through what you do on your own, thats a good place to start. And a tip, if you tell him what you like and he ignores you then he doesnt know better, he is just shit in bed. A good partner will listen and want to do what pleases their lover, someone who doesnt listen (or worse sulks) isnt worth wasting any time with.

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 22:02

And I'm really hoping he didn't just go to the shop for condoms, 'pop your cherry' (eugh) and has now left you to dwell on it!

Bogeyface · 17/10/2014 22:03

Clash I was hoping the same. I have to say that he doesnt sound like much of a catch so far!

Original poster
ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 17/10/2014 22:05

He's rummaging in my kitchen making himself a snack.

Don't really know if this was a good idea or not but oh well. It's done.

And he did buy condoms Hmm and some more wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 17/10/2014 22:13

And now I'm crying Hmm. Going to go hide in the bathroom in case he hears me.

OP posts:
woodwaj · 17/10/2014 22:18

Sending hugs to you op! It will get better once you find out what you both like! My first time was pants!

Sillyshell · 17/10/2014 22:22

Oh This, it's all a bit emotional isn't it. I'm sorry your upset, feel like I just want to give you a hug. X

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 22:24

Don't hide in the bathroom in case he hears....Can you talk to him about it?

He's not covering himself in glory here, is he?

peasandlove · 17/10/2014 22:24

aw. It's not unusual to feel flat about it . I remember thinking "is that it?" as well. Try not to overthink this though.

PedantMarina · 17/10/2014 22:25

Awkward, if you don't want him to stick around, feel free to tell him that sandwich is Takeaway. If you want to be alone to process your feelings and thoughts, that's perfectly valid, right now and all the time.

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 22:26

Have some Thanks too.

Try not to over analyse it yet - especially if you're a little bit tipsy. Whatever you're feeling is perfectly normal.

When I lost my virginity, I was sure everyone, from my parents to the lady in the shop, would be able to tell.

neverletgojack · 17/10/2014 22:27

oh awkward Sad

I want to come cuddle you and share Ben and jerrys and wine

SunshineOutdoors · 17/10/2014 22:30

Ah, op I feel sad to think of you feeling like that, but honestly, please don't worry. Personally I think he's not been very great but you sound ace. Have a think about how it's made you feel but try not to overthink too. Take care of yourself and if it wasn't all that it's not always going to be like it. maybe find a more worthy person

WitchWay · 17/10/2014 22:50

Don't cry Sad Smile

It will get better - it's supposed to be fun. I don't know anyone who had all the bells & whistles their first time.

CherryDolphin · 17/10/2014 22:53

Sad What's wrong OP?

I hope you really wanted this and you weren't pressured.

And yes tell him to get lost if you don't want him there.

BuggersMuddle · 17/10/2014 23:38

Oh OP, if you're crying because it's too much you need to take back control and move things at your own speed. It's not a given that he'll 'get that cherry popped' Hmm

If you're crying because you're a bit pissed, equally so.

FWIW the turn of phrase got me with the cherry thing, but I do recognise that not all young men are masters of the English language and 'popping the cherry' is common parlance but even my cruder suitors were a bit more respectful in the late 90s.

Littleen · 17/10/2014 23:44

Being 25 and virgin is fine, don't worry about that. If he is getting impatient after a month, you might want to reconsider though. Talk to him about it, and that he needs to respect you not being ready as quickly as he is. Losing your virginity really isn't that big a deal, don't put too much value in it :) Tell him or not tell him, you have to judge what would make you the least nervous/pressured and also whether or not he would then see you as a "conquest". Obviously if he would do the latter, he might not be boyfriend material anyway! I waited until I was in a relationship with someone I was in love with - I was 16, but made a point of waiting until I was properly in love and committed to that person, and I think that's a good way to go :)

Littleen · 17/10/2014 23:50

Oops, didn't read the whole thread. Well it's done then - don't worry about lack of satisfaction, it's totally normal both the first time and first time with a new guy. Sometimes it's epic, sometimes it's just fine, and other times it's really not great at all. Popping the cherry is such a stupid saying -.-
Don't spend time overthinking it or regretting it - it's not a huge deal, what does matter though is that you let him know that you are to be respected, sex or not x

ChippingInLatteLover · 18/10/2014 00:15

Brew & Cake and a big squishy hug from Aunty Chip x

KirjavaTheCat · 18/10/2014 05:09

The first time is usually awkward and a bit uncomfortable and incredibly underwhelming, op. But it gets very good very quickly.

Hope he was 100% gent last night. And that you're feeling better post-wine Thanks

zippyandbungle · 18/10/2014 07:39

Op hope your feeling better this morning. I agree first times with my DH was a bit rubbish and I was so upset, I really liked him but thought I couldn't be left wanting every time. But, we quickly got to know what works for us and it did get really really good. Remember he would be nervous too not that he would admit that

PolterGoose · 18/10/2014 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elllimam · 18/10/2014 10:17

I agree the first time is usually sore and awkward and rubbish. It gets lovely after a while (although the guy has to work on it too) xx

Original poster
ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 18/10/2014 20:57

I'm just a bit "meh" about it. Don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon. Also TMI Blush but I did bleed a lot and it was sore.

OP posts:
AnotherStitchInTime · 18/10/2014 21:10

A bit of soreness is to be expected. Well if he truly likes you he will wait again until you are ready to try again. That is if you want to do it with him again. How were things between you afterwards? Did you let him know you were feeling emotional?

For it to be pleasurable you need to be well lubricated and aroused so plenty of lube and foreplay essential. Also experiment on your own with using a vibrator if you feel comfortable to help you get used to being penetrated. That way should you want to try again it will be less sore.