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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I should tell him?

129 replies

ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 17/10/2014 14:26

This is embarrassing but here it goes.

I'm 25 years old and have never had sex. This sounds childish and immature but never really been interested and didn't feel ready.

However I have been seeing someone for about a month now and things are getting serious. I would like to do it now, but I'm just confused about whether I'm supposed to tell him about my lack of experience? And more to the point, how do I tell him? Does it really matter if I don't tell him?

He is four years older than me and from what I've gathered very experienced so I think I'm going to feel childish.

I was thinking about not telling him and just going for it. Good idea or not? Confused

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 20:29

I can just see OP in ten years time, regaling her friends with the tale of how she lost her virginity.....

....and ending with 'and then, in a warm post-coital glow, I hurried back to mumsnet to update everyone who was following my thread'...

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 20:29

pendant I'm never going to be able to look at flat pack furniture the same now....

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 17/10/2014 20:30

That's it pug!

Clash I just worry about setting my hair on fire with all the bloody candles everywhere! My friend loves all that and she pulled this guy one time and insisted he lit loads of tea lights and arrange them on the floor so that they could ~make love~ among them (she is outrageously good looking which is why she gets away with this shit Smile). But she was so pissed she fell over and put three quarters of them out with her bare arse...

CherryDolphin · 17/10/2014 20:31

I hope the OP is having fun...but I really do need to know what he bought and what's happening Grin.

PedantMarina · 17/10/2014 20:34

Clash I'm going to have you writhing (and not necc in a good way Wink) at even the mention of flat pack furniture.

Credenza!!!

ChippingInLatteLover · 17/10/2014 20:36

I think I want to do this. And I know he wants to have sex and I've been making excuses until now to stop myself before things gets heated but I think he's getting impatient. I can't believe I'm making a big deal out of this

I didn't say that I wanted to have sex with him, no. But he also told me that he just "knew it" confused which got me worried

^^ that is what the OP said, Secret - so forgive me for not just telling her to fuck the idiot anyway Hmm I don't think posting and telling her to just get on with it (heaping on more pressure to perform and not back down) is either nice nor helpful.

ChippingInLatteLover · 17/10/2014 20:38

There's quite a bit of room in between 'I knew I was going to be your first cos I'm such a catch I'll pop ya cherry' & 'a room that looks like something pink and firey threw up in it'.

It's not pick a twat v pick romantic shit sitcom situation.

There's a nice wide middle ground.

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 17/10/2014 20:41

Aw chipping I didn't say that, I just said I hoped she was having a good time. I got the impression she was nervous but knew her own mind (hence hadn't had sex for the sake of it up till now). Also thought her worry was to do with coming across as inexperienced, not worry about sex itself, but may have misinterpreted.

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 20:47

I'm actually laughing out loud at putting candles out with the arse!

I hope OPs ok...I think it's a good thing that she told him. She's obviously waited, and it would be a shame for her partner not to realise the significance of this. I just hope he's deserving and the OP is doing it because it's what she wants, rather than feeling obliged.

Pugsake · 17/10/2014 20:47

OP deserves some nice romantic feathery stroker shite if she likes that stuff.

Maybe the bf was nervous or maybe he's a twat we won't know till she comes back.

PedantMarina · 17/10/2014 20:48

Yeah, I sort of read that at first, too - that she's ready for sex now, and that the excuse-making was that she felt embarrassed about the virginity thing, not a reluctance to DTD.

That said, I wasn't overly impressed with his reaction. Still, not my choice, but hers.

mrselizabethdarcy · 17/10/2014 20:57

Hope it all went well op but I've got to know ..... WHAT did he get from the shop?

WitchWay · 17/10/2014 20:58

clashcity my first time was also "something I had to get done" like flat pack furniture & afterwards he sat back & said "You were my first virgin" - urgh Blush

HoVis2001 · 17/10/2014 21:05

iwishiwasacat

It's a complete myth that hymens "break".

I'm sorry, I know this is way off topic by this point, but I don't think the article you linked indicates that it's a total myth. Your hymen is rarely a, hmm, wall-to-wall obstruction, but what is there certainly can break, rather messily, during first intercourse for some women. The "small scale survey" the article cited at 63% of women reporting no discomfort or blood - so, 36% reporting that they did.

It wasn't awful agony or anything, but the large quantity of bright red blood which made its presence known the first time I DTD was certainly no "myth"! Blush

I think it's just a case that everyone is different and people may have different experiences, but I don't think it's fair to imply that bleeding / pain is never involved. I found it quite uncomfortable the first 10-20 times and felt totally unnatural because of hearing so many tales of it going fine for other people, until I spoke to a friend who had the exact same experience.

Anyway, sorry, hopelessly off-topic by this stage! Smile

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 21:08

Mind you, I suspect by twenty five the hymen would've broken naturally anyway?

I'm hopelessly naive on the subject, but I'm pretty sure things like exercise, inserting tampons and erm, self exploration may have broken them by that point.

SunshineOutdoors · 17/10/2014 21:14

I'm sorry to blatantly place mark and hope you're having a good eve op and told cherry popper to go home having not done any cherry popping but I need this on tio to know the outcome.

Hope this guy is good if you do dtd. But, if not, it will definitely get better Smile

StillSquirrelling · 17/10/2014 21:16

I did a lot of horse riding and cycling when I was in my teens and so my first time wasn't painful at all. I bluffed my way through it, although I was only 17 and my BF was 16 so he didn't have a wealth of experience to be able to tell if I was inexperienced or not Wink

londonrach · 17/10/2014 21:21

If he is a decent guy he be honoured and will wait until you ready. A month is early days. I think id mention it to him. Tbh those rumours....first time blood and pain...misleading... If you love and trust this guy whenever the time is right it will happen. Xxx

HoVis2001 · 17/10/2014 21:26

R.e. exercise etc - I was a very active kid (cycling, rock climbing, etc!) and it still hadn't sorted itself out before I had sex for the first time. I didn't use tampons much as a teen though.

I'm not trying to be a fear-monger! Just saying that everyone is different and that whatever happens is normal for that individual. Nothing to be afraid of either way but saying bleeding / discomfort never happens can lead to people who have that feeling like there's something wrong IYSWIM?

Quadrophonic · 17/10/2014 21:38

Hope it all went well op....Jeeeze this autocorrect keeps wanting to change 'op' to opening...I guess that may be more apt!!Grin

Original poster
ThisIsAnAwkwardSituation · 17/10/2014 21:50

Well that's it then. Feeling very underwhelmed. Am I missing something? I think I am going to finish this wine.

OP posts:
AnotherStitchInTime · 17/10/2014 21:53

It gets much better if you have the right partner, the first time was a bit meh for me too.

Quadrophonic · 17/10/2014 21:59

It does get better, when you have the right partner it can be pretty fantastic x

SunshineOutdoors · 17/10/2014 21:59

Is he still there with you?

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2014 22:00

Yup, I know very few people who's first time was amazing. It's so overhyped and in reality, not a lot changes after it. I hope you're feeling ok and are happy with your decision.

I think the key to good sex is communication or vodka. Trust me, it does get better - and sometimes sex has very little to do with how a relationship is. You can have 'good sex' with an arsehole, or not so great sex in an otherwise perfect relationship.

It's a lot easier to improve sex in a good relationship than it is to improve an areshole who just happens to be good in bed, trust me.

But I really do hope you're not feeling down, or upset.