Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my mum sleep on a hard floor with 2 dogs in a cold house in the last week of December?

97 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 13:44

I feel really guilty and bad about this - need to know if IABU :(

My mum and her partner are coming to stay with us for a week in the last week of Dec, when I will be 35/6 weeks pg. They would normally of course sleep in our spare bedroom, which is the room where the baby's stuff is stored and where he and I will be sleeping when we come home from hospital. The last owners of our house left it filthy and we have scrubbed it down ourselves and are also planning on having the room (carpets, curtains) professionally steam cleaned before they come and before baby is born.

My mum is bringing her dog. Great. I love her dog, have known her for 12 years, and she is very well trained and never jumps on furniture or beds. Quite happy to sleep by herself. My mum's partner is also bringing her dog. Also fine. BUT. PartnersDog apparently has to sleep not only in the same room as MumsPartner, but on the same bed.

I am uncomfortable with this because generally, I don't really want a dog sleeping our spare bed, on our bedding. I love dogs, but you know, they roll in stuff that you wouldn't want on your bedding. My mum says they can put old blankets around the dog to prevent it touching the bedding but still.....

Also, dog hair gets everywhere and I don't really want it in the carpets/ curtains and on the baby's stuff just a couple of weeks before bringing the baby home to sleep there. I don't feel I'll have the energy to do another deep clean then, esp as I will also be working full time in a demanding job still.

My mum is sympathetic but partner is apparently offended as her dog is clean and this is the way she always does this. Mum's solution is for her and partner to bring a camping mattress and to sleep downstairs, on our hard wood floor, with the dogs, in a draughty 1930s house. Mum has a bad back and partner has a dodgy shoulder (both in their mid 60s).

I feel like a total heel and unhospitable even contemplating that :( So should I just give in and let PartnersDog sleep in the bed, or AIBU to say our house rule is no dogs upstairs?

OP posts:
redexpat · 17/10/2014 13:47

Well if your mum offered, i would take her up. Supply electric blanket maybe. Or could you postpone tje deep clean? Are you getting people in to do it or diy?

londonrach · 17/10/2014 13:47

Dogs do not sleep on beds unless the owner of the dog owns the bed and wants it. Your mum is being unreasonable. No hotel or bed or breakfast would allow it as well.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2014 13:48

Well.... I was going to say of course YABU
But..... No you are not!
If that's their suggestion then take them at their word.
I couldn't have dogs sleeping in/on my beds.
No way!
Had 2 dogs in my house for 5+ years.
Never once did they sleep in our rooms upstairs.

DoubtfireDear · 17/10/2014 13:48

I don't think YABU really, the reason I don't have a dog is because I despise everything ending up covered in hair.

If you feel terribly guilty, could you ask them to bring their own bedding and maybe cover baby's stuff with some old sheets for when they are staying?

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2014 13:48

I assume your mum's dog doesn't sleep on the bed, and hasn't on previous visits?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a house rule of no dogs in the bedrooms or on the beds. If your mum has a camping mattress then presumably they are used to sleeping on that?

I don't think you should feel you have to have dog hair all over the freshly-cleaned room for the baby just because your mum's partner has different standards and expectations.

MummyCoolski · 17/10/2014 13:53

I agree with everyone above. I'd also point out that you aren't making your Mum do anything. You are just setting (reasonable) rules about the dog. 36 weeks is way too late to be worrying about re-cleaning the baby's room and stuff from a dog being all over it!

Rumplestrumpet · 17/10/2014 13:54

You're definitely NOT being unreasonable - you are happy to recieve your mum & partner AND their dogs, but don't want dogs sleeping in the bed in the new baby's room. You've said they can have the room, and the dogs can sleep downstairs which is perfectly reasonable. You can offer to make the space downstairs nice for the dogs maybe (or they could bring bedding for the dogs to make it cosy) but if they're adamant on sleeping with the dogs then that's their choice.

Electric blanket, hot water bottle, etc, would certainly be a nice touch...

I don't have dogs, but love them. But I do think your mum's partner is being a bit precious here.

askyfullofstars · 17/10/2014 13:55

If they would rather sleep on a floor than be in a separate room to the dog, then that is their issue, not yours, let them do it. Or find somewhere else to stay.

SaucyJack · 17/10/2014 13:57

You're not making them sleep downstairs on a hard wood floor- you're making the dogs sleep down there and your mum and her partner are choosing to sleep with them.

By the by, my camping air bed is at least as comfy as my real bed. This may not be a big deal for your mum or her partner at all.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 13:57

expat I've done one deep clean myself - necessary just to make it liveable, honestly the state they left it in...! Hmm But I want to get a pro company in to steam clean carpets etc. I want to do this prior to 35/6 weeks as there is a small chance I will go into labour early due to a health condition I have, so I want to be sure everything is ready to go by then.

Doubtfire I thought of that, but then it also leaves the carpets. I've honestly spent hours on my knees cleaning those carpets to get the last owner's pet hair out Angry

MuminS - no my mum's dog has never in her whole life been allowed on a bed, sofa, or any other people furniture. Our family just doesn't regard it as 'good dog manners'.

OP posts:
PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 17/10/2014 13:58

Yanbu to say no dogs upstairs. Let them deal with it as they wish.

MaryWestmacott · 17/10/2014 14:00

your mum offered, accept. No dogs in the bedroom. That's their choice to a) bring the dogs and b) decide they can't possibly sleep in a separate room to their dogs.

If they are allowed to be precious about their pets, you are allowed to be precious about your baby's room.

Other than that, they'll have to make other arrangements. Including deciding what they will do when they want to visit after the baby has arrived and you no longer have a guest room...

YABU - you said "to make my mum sleep on a hard floor" you're not making her do anything. You are making the dogs sleep on a hard floor, their choice if they are with them or not. Or even, your mum could sleep on the nice comfy bed and her DP can sleep on the floor with the fur baby dog, it's your mum's DP that has the issue with the dog being all alone at night, not your mum!

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2014 14:01

In that case, you are simply sticking to what you have always done. It is their choice to bring their camping mattress so that they can sleep where the dogs are!

ByTheWishingWell · 17/10/2014 14:03

I have nothing new to add really- of course YANBU, for all the reasons already stated. Agree that an electric blanket etc would be a nice touch though.

ViviPru · 17/10/2014 14:04

Bloody hell RP, I'm kicking up a stink about having overnight visitors per se atm and I'm only 30 weeks! Course YANBU. And yy to what pp said about camping mattresses being comfortable. I love ours.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 14:04

Saucy their camping stuff isn't as comfortable - I did ask and mum eventually reluctantly said 'well it's not ideal but was the only solution she could think of'.

Partner does not have DC and clearly things I am being a nightmare.

I guess I am not 'making' her do it technically but I feel like I'm not giving her much choice and I think I will feel dreadful heading up to my comfy kingsize whilst abandoning my own mum to a makeshift bed on the floor....

GAH, FAMILIES!

OP posts:
outofcontrol2014 · 17/10/2014 14:07

I have a really, really nice blow-up mattress. It is about the same height as a real bed but only takes a few seconds to blow up. It even has a kind of fake pocket-sprung finish to it. It cost me about £60 I think. It is far more comfortable than any kind of camping bed and makes a more than adequate replacement for an actual bed!

Suggest you get one of these as a middle ground? Your mum has offered to sleep downstairs, so clearly both understands the issues and empathises! Cover it with a lovely thick duvet and they'll be toasty.

VodkaJelly · 17/10/2014 14:08

You are so not BU. My dog is 12, he has never ever in all the time i have had him slept on a bed upstairs. Infact he is not allowed upstairs at all - partly because i hate everything getting dog hairs on and partly because he chews and will raid the kids rooms for things to chew. We even had a stair gate to stop him getting up.

Your mums parter is being unreasonable here.

Viviennemary · 17/10/2014 14:13

Tell them both dogs should go to kennels for the visit. I don't see why you should have to put up with dogs if you don't want to. By bending over backwards to be reasonable they are becoming more difficult.

girlywhirly · 17/10/2014 14:14

Yanbu. It is your home and you say what goes on in it. Given the circumstances your mum's partner is BU. They are lucky you are prepared to have them to stay for a whole week.

Either they stay downstairs on camping mattress or they go to a dog friendly hotel. There are lots of ways to make a camping bed warmer, using those foil type 'space' blankets to reflect heat back, warm under blankets, place bed on a rug/carpet so not directly on the floor, high performance sleeping bags and so on.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 14:14

Oh, also re electric blankets and buying a new camping bed - they are really good ideas but we frankly don't have the money right now. I am the main wage earner and being off on mat leave is going to mean a serious financial hit, plus we recently had to shell out £10k+ to do some unexpected structural renovations on the house.

We have stopped going out for meals, buying any new clothes or books, buying lunch at work, I have swopped to the cheapest phone contract possible (etc etc) to save money for the baby. We are buying most everything second hand barring new bedding.

I'm not sure we can justify spending cash on a new camping bed only to be used in this specific circumstance for a few nights. We are managing to save £150 or so a month now towards baby so £60 is a fair chunk of what we would otherwise save, esp in a month where we will be buying Xmas presents.

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 17/10/2014 14:14

well if your mum's DP thinks you are being a nightmare, she doesn't have to come stay in your house, in fact, that might solve the problem, she could stay at home with the dogs.

Honestly, people over a certain age who own dogs seem to be mental about their "fur babies". Of course YANBU to say no dogs upstairs. You are offering your mum and her DP a guest room, just not their pets, if that's not good enough for them, then they could book a hotel.

When it's mentioned again just say "of course Mum you and DP can have the guest room, just no dogs upstairs in my house." when they arrive tell them you've made up the spare bed if they'd rather not stay downstairs with the dogs but no dogs upstairs.

Keep saying "well it's your choice, if you're happy to leave the dogs, there's a comfy spare bed for you."

5Foot5 · 17/10/2014 14:15

YADNBU. If you are worried about your Mums back then couldn't she take the bed and her partner sleep downstairs with the dog. Your Mum's partner is a bit of a loon if she thinks that what she is asking is reasonable in someone else's house.

myotherusernameisbetter · 17/10/2014 14:17

Could you sleep in the babies room and let your DM and her partner have your room on the basis that they bring their own bedding and hoover etc before they leave?

WerkSupp · 17/10/2014 14:18

YANBU