To make my mum sleep on a hard floor with 2 dogs in a cold house in the last week of December?

[RevoltingPeasant]

I feel really guilty and bad about this - need to know if IABU :(

My mum and her partner are coming to stay with us for a week in the last week of Dec, when I will be 35/6 weeks pg. They would normally of course sleep in our spare bedroom, which is the room where the baby's stuff is stored and where he and I will be sleeping when we come home from hospital. The last owners of our house left it filthy and we have scrubbed it down ourselves and are also planning on having the room (carpets, curtains) professionally steam cleaned before they come and before baby is born.

My mum is bringing her dog. Great. I love her dog, have known her for 12 years, and she is very well trained and never jumps on furniture or beds. Quite happy to sleep by herself. My mum's partner is also bringing her dog. Also fine. BUT. PartnersDog apparently has to sleep not only in the same room as MumsPartner, but on the same bed.

I am uncomfortable with this because generally, I don't really want a dog sleeping our spare bed, on our bedding. I love dogs, but you know, they roll in stuff that you wouldn't want on your bedding. My mum says they can put old blankets around the dog to prevent it touching the bedding but still.....

Also, dog hair gets everywhere and I don't really want it in the carpets/ curtains and on the baby's stuff just a couple of weeks before bringing the baby home to sleep there. I don't feel I'll have the energy to do another deep clean then, esp as I will also be working full time in a demanding job still.

My mum is sympathetic but partner is apparently offended as her dog is clean and this is the way she always does this. Mum's solution is for her and partner to bring a camping mattress and to sleep downstairs, on our hard wood floor, with the dogs, in a draughty 1930s house. Mum has a bad back and partner has a dodgy shoulder (both in their mid 60s).

I feel like a total heel and unhospitable even contemplating that :( So should I just give in and let PartnersDog sleep in the bed, or AIBU to say our house rule is no dogs upstairs?

...a one-off problem...

sorry

Don't over think it - No Dogs Upstairs is a very reasonable house rule to have (I love dogs btw).

Let them come up with possible solutions:

• the one suggested by your mum
• they could have a go bedding both dogs down for the night in the living room which if tolerated would allow them both to sleep in the spare bed.
• Partner, ParternsDog and MumsDog sleep on the floor in the living room and your mum in the spare bed.
• All visitors stay in a local B+B

Your house, your rules.
Their problem IMO.

I was wondering a bit about the dynamic here, because i was thinking that if my partner even suggested I ask my daughter to allow her dog on the bed I'd be thinking, "no, & perhaps it's best if I visit alone!"

Another vote for enforcing No guest dogs on beds, EVER
Its not even to do with you being preg or the house or anything
Dogs do not sleep on beds other than possibly their owner's bed in their owner's home.

When late MiL came to stay, we had her sleep on the big sofa in the living room for that very reason.

I just wanted to point out that babies do not spontaneously combust at the sight of dog hair. Many people manage to have babies and dogs! There is actually proven benefit for children to grow up in households with dogs.

On that front I think yabu.

I agree, it's not about babies or anything (I grew up in a house with dogs who were not allowed to sleep on beds, but frequently did ), it's about a preference in ones own home.

No dogs upstairs if just fine - it's not like you are allowing other dogs, just not your mum's partner's - that would be rather rude.

Saucy jack sums it up perfectly, your providing appropriate accommodation for all concerned, if they decide to go and sleep in the dog bed that's teir business!

YANBU at all. Doesn't sound like your mum is, either. Your mum's partner on the other hand sounds painful.

As others have said. Your house your rules. And this would apply even if there wasn't a baby on the way. Plenty of households with dogs have a 'no dogs on furniture or upstairs' type rule. It's perfectly reasonable. We had a lab when I was growing up. Beloved family pet, all adored him. Not once was he ever ever ever allowed on furniture, or upstairs. Because as you put it so well yourself, it's not good dog manners.

Your mum's partner needs to wise up and get real. And you need to stop feeling guilty. You are offering a perfectly hospitable bedroom; it's their choice to reject it.

They're lucky you're allowing them to bring the dogs at all, tbh; plenty of people would refuse to allow them in the house full stop.

Fucking hell. No dogs upstairs is a pretty standard rule in loads of houses. Even those who have dogs. I also love dogs and personally would allow a little dog that I love in the bed but any other dog, absolutely not and not on the carpets either. Half my downstairs is not carpeted. My db and SIL shampoo their big dog before bringing her to people's houses.

All the dogs I know are farm/country dogs and none of them are allowed upstairs in their own houses, much less someone else's.

Your mum's partner is being unreasonable - not you so please don't feel bad about this.

Haven't read it all, but you are not making her sleep on the floor-she is choosing to.

When I had a dog she slept in my bed from time to time. But I would never dream of expecting her to be allowed to sleep in a bedroom, never mind the actual bed, when visiting anyone else, friend or family.

Wouldn't the simplest solution be to stick them in kennels for the duration. I'd actually not even be as hospitable as you if family wanted to visit with their pets.

Could you pop and buy a VERY cheap duvet/duvet set from somewhere? Then you could either throw it out or you could always wash it then put it away for if they visit again so they have their own dog-tainted bedding? What about asking them to being their own bedding so it doesn't get on yours? Also you could suggest they have to clean the room properly before leaving as a condition of having the dog upstairs. I know I couldn't allow a guest to sleep downstairs when there was an empty bed upstairs but that is just me.

I think they need to find alternative accommodation.

You can't afford health wise and financially to pander to their dog problems, ask them to stay in a b&b, honestly they are being a pain when they should be helping you !

As a guest you should fit in not be obstructive

Barbarian I think it was you asking about post-pfb sleeping....? Mum has already said she will not bring dogs after baby is born. She is very sensible about this stuff, I just think she's caught between a rock and a hard place....

fluffy tbh it's not just about the baby combusting and more about the fact that I'm not comfy with a dog on my bed and bedding, in addition to which I don't really want a newborn's stuff getting dog hair on it. If pfb were 6 months old + I wouldn't mind so much, it's just bringing my newborn back to sleep in a bed where a dog has been lying just a couple of weeks ago. I just find that icky and don't want to have to clean the room/ bedding etc again prior to pfb being born.

It's also just possible that pfb will be born early (I have kidney disease and am consultant monitored as at bigger risk of pre eclampsia/ HELPP) and I really don't want to even think about bringing a pre-term baby back to a room where a dog has been in the bed.

I don't think that's too precious....?

Pacific I suggested your option B, i.e. giving the upstairs-without-dogs a shot first, as my mum is really worried that if PartnersDog is separated from her mistress, she will bark all night, annoying all - but this may not happen. However Partner apparently refuses to contemplate even trying to sleep separately from dog as 'this is how she does things'.

I can see her point in so far as PartnersDog has spent her whole life sleeping with Partner and won't understand why she is suddenly banished downstairs. But not so much that I want her in my lovely cosy clean bed upstairs

overslept I considered that but DH feels very strongly we shouldn't have dogs upstairs. I may re-ask him if he would consider it if they promised to hoover round thoroughly etc.

I still really don't want the dog in the bed. She is a clean dog but they do occasionally get sick, have accidents etc and whilst I don't mind scrubbing a carpet with Dettol to cover up accidental dog mess, a mattress is a bit different?

To be clear, I did suggest to mum that PartnersDog could maybe possibly sleep either outside their door (in the hall) or in the bedroom but not on the bed, but mum says the dog is likely to just climb into bed during the night and Partner won't stop her.

OP - you don't have to explain yourself, why you think it is icky etc. You just have to have a rule in your house and stand by it.

Honestly, people over a certain age who own dogs seem to be mental about their "fur babies". Of course YANBU to say no dogs upstairs. You are offering your mum and her DP a guest room, just not their pets, if that's not good enough for them, then they could book a hotel.

This^. And hell no, YANBU at all! But then I don't like dogs and think pets on beds is the most revolting, unsanitary thing I've ever heard, so I may not be the most objective person to comment

Just reading everyone's responses, and I hope you can see that your mum's DP is the one being unreasonable to even expect this of you, especially when you're heavily pregnant and trying to have that room prepared for the arrival of your baby.

Anyone with an ounce of courtesy would bow out or put their dog in a kennel, I understand you don't want to make your mum or her DP feel unwelcome, but really, you're not the one in the wrong. As everyone else has said, no dogs in the bedrooms is a pretty standard rule- even for many dog owners, you're not being precious at all.

If they don't want to leave the dogs at home, they know what their options are wrt sleeping arrangements, so leave it up to them.

Don't go spending your savings on camp beds and electric blankets- there's a perfectly comfortable bedroom available, it's their choice whether to leave the dogs downstairs and make use of it, or stay with the dog and sleep on the floor.

Have they stayed before when it was just your DM who had a dog?
In which case your DM's DP would have seen that you're a "no dogs upstairs" household.
I agree with other posters saying that if they plan on staying over in future that the problem will keep coming up.
The only solution I can see is your DM's DP leaves her dog behind or doesn't come.
I hope you don't start getting any guilt trips RP

revolting
Stand your ground.
Your Mum has a partner who does not have her own kids so is probably used to having her own way the whole time.
She has to learn to compromise.
Your rules are sensible.

It's your house, you make the rules. You've been as accommodating as you feel you can be and if that's not enough for your mum or her DP it's tough! (And I adore dogs and would have no problem at all with a visiting dog or dogs on the beds in my own house).

This is totally off topic but am I the only one who doesn't understand why you and the baby will be sleeping in the spare room and not your own when he arrives?!

Thanks all........ This does help me feel less guilty.

In our family we don't really do the 'stay in a holiday cottage to visit family' rule; I'd never want them to stay elsewhere than our house. It's just the blardy dog!

owl mum has stayed plenty of times, partner never, but it's over Xmas break so they want to be together. Partner will not leave dog in kennel I don't think as if she won't even sleep apart, I doubt she will be amenable to several nights apart, plus kennels aren't cheap.

Also, totally forgot to say but if they don't take the upstairs bed, it won't be empty. My 25yo sister is also coming and she was going to camp on the floor in the box room - in consideration of Mum and DP's age - but if the bed is free she may as well take it.